Ranjit Kulkarni's Blog, page 20

Habits and Conditioning

Very often despite our best intentions and strongest controls, we find that we say or do something we didn’t want, or act in a manner in which we did not want to. It is as if we are pulled or provoked into a particular direction by something within us (which we attribute to external behavior by someone else!). Why does this happen and what is the remedy?

It seems it is almost an automatic reaction that we don’t have to even bring into action. A switch is pressed and the fan turns on. This is due to past habits or samskaras. Or also called conditioning due to our own choices, tendencies, memories. Then we get angry at ourselves at not being able to do anything about it. That is harsh because it is not us but the conditioned mind in action.

The moment we realise that it is not us doing it but our mind which does it and gives us the experience is when we realise that we have power. We are the experiencer and can choose our experience. The way to do it is by detaching from our own conditioned mind by slowing it down. By making the automatic switch defective. And the technique to do it is by diverting the mind back to the Lord (soul within) using our discriminating intellect whenever an entanglement potential appears in front of us. The mind driven by senses, memories and ego loves such situations but by our discrimination guided by the soul within we have to resist it.

This takes practice. There are many tools to remind us of it and we can use whichever suits us. But by working on building a sense of detachment by renouncing selfish desire in action, we can realise that the mind loses its power.

World Cup Moments

I have been following the 2023 Cricket World Cup very closely (who hasn’t?), partly because it has been held in India, partly because it has been dominated by India, and truly because of being a cricket fan. Surprisingly though (for me, at least), this World Cup has not been as interesting in terms of closeness of games played as I thought it would be.

When the tournament started, I had thought that a lot of the games will be very close. The going assumption, then, was that England and South Africa were very good teams, and India and New Zealand weren’t that bad too. There was little to choose when you consider Australia and Pakistan, which on paper didn’t quite look as strong then, but were, in general, thought to be different animals when it came to World Cups. It was only Sri Lanka and Bangladesh, which I had thought would not be able to compete much. And I had thought Afghanistan and Netherlands were going to be fillers at worst, and also-rans at best.

What a different picture has emerged, now that we are on the verge of another final?

England has been a disappointment, to say the least, and while South Africa did play to their potential, they ended up staying true to their reputation of being tentative in knockout games. And the same could be said of New Zealand too, despite their best efforts. Pakistan showed some spark, as usual, in bits and pieces, but that wasn’t enough. One can’t ride on luck all the time, I guess. And while Sri Lanka and Bangladesh met the low expectations from them, what a performance it has been from the minnows, Afghanistan and Netherlands!

And that leaves us with India and Australia. Both might have surprised themselves with the way their journey has been so far – one being more dominant than even their best fans expected, and the other fighting back from the brink that they might not have expected themselves to be in, in the first place.

So everything said and done, it has been a world cup with no single standout game as such. Nothing comes to mind. But there have been a bunch of standout moments, so to speak, a set of happenings, performances, turning points that come to mind when I look back. So, while we wait for the final, I decided to make a list of those world cup moments – the ones I remember the most.

KL Rahul’s innings in India’s first game versus Australia when he walked in at 2 for 3 (I think?). If not for his unbeaten 97, the story of India’s journey in the World Cup might well have been very different. Almost all the Indian top order batsmen scored centuries in the subsequent games, but I think the mental foundation of winning games was set with this knock.

Afghanistan’s spin trio of Rashid, Mujeeb and Nabi spinning a web in beating England. One could not help but support an underdog like the Afghans when one saw the spirit with which they took on the defending champions. The impact that this win had on their nation and its cricketers was evident, when they went on to, then, bag three more victories (and almost a fourth!).

Glen Maxwell 201*, fighting from the brink of defeat on one leg. The degree of disbelief on seeing that knock could only be compared, in my view, to Kapil Dev’s 175* from a different era. Not only for that particular game (both of which were won from the brink), but also for the impact that single knock might have had on the team’s self belief.

Mohammed Shami’s inclusion in the playing 11 when Hardik was ruled out of the team after three games. This was a chance happening, and while India missed Hardik’s services (who was replaced by Suryakumar on paper), his injury forced the selection of Shami, and stopped all experimentation with the Hardik/Shardul/Ashwin combination. And how he grabbed it with both hands!

Kohli’s 50th ODI Century. A knock that might not have impacted the game or the team as much, but for sheer magnitude of that achievement, that too coming in front of the Mumbai crowd with the Master watching it himself, this one was momentous.

And finally – a not so worth remembering but not something that will be forgotten type of moment. The Time-out of Angelo Matthews. Unfortunately, Shakib, for all his achievements as cricketer and captain, I think, made an error in judgement while pursuing this appeal for his team’s (mostly irrelevant) victory, without realizing how far he was going. He might be remembered, sadly, for this over everything else.

So those were the moments of the Cricket World Cup 2023 for me. We will wait for Sunday and see if this list remains as it is, or all of these are over-ridden by one great moment at the end of the Final.

A Mahabharata Primer

I have read a lot of books by a friend Sharath Komarraju, who writes both fiction and non-fiction primarily around the Mahabharata. He has read and written all kinds of things on the Mahabharata.

Many years back, I think it was when he launched his first book on Hastinapur, as a simple promotional tool, he wrote a small book called ’51 Lesser Known Tales from the Mahabharata’. It still is one of the best books for newbies to the epic and to his style of writing. Subsequently, he ended up expanding these 51 tales into some kind of Omnibus of over 2000 tales over three volumes, and also some specific collections around characters (both male and female) in the Mahabharata. Plus there are some FAQs or analytical collections in a question and answer type – again on the Mahabharata. Basically, he is a veritable treasure of knowledge on the epic.

But as a primer or an introduction, two of his books, 51 Lesser Known Tales and Interrogating the Epic are good starting points. Remember that he writes about the Mahabharata mainly from the perspective of it being a story or literature, rather than it being history. So it is fairly dispassionate about characters and events as they unfold, sometimes making fun of the fantastical happenings in the epic that some readers attached to the historical or reverential aspects of the epic might find offensive.

Here are my reviews of these two of his books: (51 Lesser Known Tales and Interrogating the Epic)

Nice collection

Found some nice stories well written for today’s times with the author’s voice intact. Nice reading for those interested in Indian mythology

Analytical

Analytical questioning of the epic, which has many fantastic events anyway. Sometimes it makes for funny reading, sometimes serious, often times it gets convoluted. But overall a refreshing read if you have an open mind.

 

Life’s Amazing Secrets: Notes 3

Here are my notes (part 3) from Life’s Amazing Secrets: How to Find Balance and Purpose in Your Life by Gaur Gopal Das.

WHEEL 3: WORK LIFE

At work we tend to compare and compete with others, instead of comparing and competing with ourselves. ‘Being the richest man in the cemetery doesn’t matter to me. Going to bed at night saying we’ve done something wonderful . . . that’s what matters to me.’

Competition is a mindset that we have to redefine.

We compete with people who have the same skills or outlook in life as us.

When another person’s skills have no bearing on our life, we rarely feel threatened. But if someone can outperform us by doing better in what we aspire to do, the base tendencies of competition can settle in.

To find your purpose in life, you must go on a journey of self-discovery. ‘Sometimes the warrior feels as if he were living two lives at once . . . There is a bridge that links what I do with what I would like to do, he thinks. Slowly, his dreams take over his everyday life, and then he realizes that he is ready for the thing he always wanted. Then all that is needed is a little daring, and his two lives become one.’

‘If there is one thing that I think is the foundation of growth, it is understanding who you are. You can only compete with yourself if you have a clear idea of your potential, your capacities and certainly your limitations,’

We have to understand ourselves to be able to compete with ourselves. What are our tendencies? What do we like? What do we not like? Where do we want to be in the future? These are only a few preliminary questions we need to answer to succeed. And this process of inquiry begins our journey of self-discovery.

Most people do not have the intention of being completely selfless.

Spirituality helps develop good character. It is character that shines bright when words fail to do so. ‘Live your life in such a way that those who know you but don’t know God, will come to know God because they know you.’

The Courage to be Disliked

A friend recommended reading this book, and the title of the book instantly intrigued me. I got the book almost on the same day, and finished reading it over the next week or so. While the title is attractive and whoever thought about it must be credited with it, this book is not just about being disliked. It is about Adlerian psychology – something that I hadn’t heard of till I read the book, and is written in the form of a dialogue between a youth and a philosopher.

It attempts to explain the salient features of the ‘individual psychology’ theory of Alfred Adler in the form of questions, answers, counter-questions and arguments between a youth who vehemently disagrees with it, and a philosopher who professes it. The dialogues are engaging at most times, cover aspects of psychology, philosophy and even spirituality occasionally; and contain a lot of profound insights that I took away.

A lot of the ideas resonated with me as I realized that I might have, unwittingly though, adopted at least some of them in my life at some point. In some stretches, especially in the initial sections till the book grips you, it can be painstaking reading, while the reader keeps wondering where the conversation is going. The dialogues at some places seem staid or unnatural too, in those initial sections.

But once it catches your attention (which happened to me around 20-25% into the book), it is difficult to let go. After that, in the second half, the book is filled with amazing insights to take away. It is then that the book, despite its professorial style of writing, grips you, if not for anything else, then at least to pursue the curiosity of the mind.

Here are some profound and interesting lines and concepts that the book contains, excerpted below:

***

We are not determined by our experiences, but by the meaning we give them.

We do not suffer from the shock of our experiences – the so-called trauma – but instead we make out of them whatever suits our purposes.

Personality is something that you choose for yourself.

All problems are interpersonal relationship problems.

Internal worry does not exist. Whatever the worry that may arise, the shadows of other people are always present.

Subjectivity allows you to make your own choice – the choice to view facts as either an advantage or disadvantage.

Value is based on a social context.

The pursuit of superiority and the feeling of inferiority are stimulants to normal, healthy striving and growth.

Withdraw from places that are preoccupied with winning and losing. When you are trying to be yourself, competition will inevitably get in the way.

When one can think, “Whenever I am with this person, I can behave very freely”, one can really feel love.

Think with the perspective of “Whose task is this?” and continually separate your own tasks from other people’s tasks.

All interpersonal relationship troubles are caused by intruding on other people’s tasks, or having your own tasks intruded upon.

What another person thinks of you is that person’s task, not yours.

Do not intervene in other people’s tasks, or allow even a single person to intervene in your own tasks.

Forming good interpersonal relationships requires a certain degree of distance.

We must not seek reward, and we must not be tied to it.

Freedom is being disliked by other people.

Conducting yourself in such a way as to not be disliked by anyone is an extremely unfree way of living.

It is because you are living in vertical relationships that you want to be praised.

Neither praise nor rebuke.

It is when you are able to feel “I am beneficial to the community” that you can have a true sense of your worth.

Unconditional confidence is a means for making your interpersonal relationship with a person better and for building a horizontal relationship.

People who have so much money that they could never use it all work so they are able to contribute to others, and also to confirm their sense of belonging.

If you really have a feeling of contribution, you will no longer have any need for recognition from others.

Why is it necessary to be special?
Be normal.
You do not need to flaunt your superiority.

If life were climbing a mountain in order to reach the top, then the greater part of life would end up being “en route.”

Think of life as a series of dots.

Dancing itself is the goal, and no one is concerned with arriving somewhere by doing it.

If you are shining a bright spotlight on here and now, you cannot see the past or the future anymore.

Whatever meaning life has must be assigned to it by the individual.

No matter what moments you are living, or if there are people who dislike you, as long as you do not lose sight of the guiding star of “I contribute to others,” you will not lose your way, and you can do whatever you like.

***

Notes from ‘Atomic Habits’ – Set 4

A few months back I read a book titled “Atomic Habits” by James Clear. It was a very well-written book and I found a lot of snippets useful that spoke to me. I compiled them into a bunch of notes. The first, second and third sets are here, here and here.

Here is the fourth and final set which includes some amazing snippets from the appendix of the book:

Awareness comes before desire. A craving is created when you assign meaning to a cue.

Happiness is simply the absence of desire. When you observe a cue, but do not desire to change your state, you are content with the current situation. Happiness is not about the achievement of pleasure (which is joy or satisfaction), but about the lack of desire. It arrives when you have no urge to feel differently. Happiness is the state you enter when you no longer want to change your state.

It is the idea of pleasure that we chase. We seek the image of pleasure that we generate in our minds.

Peace occurs when you don’t turn your observations into problems. The first step in any behavior is observation. You notice a cue, a bit of information, an event. If you do not desire to act on what you observe, then you are at peace.

With a big enough why you can overcome any how.

Being curious is better than being smart. Being motivated and curious counts for more than being smart because it leads to action. Being smart will never deliver results on its own because it doesn’t get you to act. It is desire, not intelligence, that prompts behavior.

Emotions drive behavior. Every decision is an emotional decision at some level. Whatever your logical reasons are for taking action, you only feel compelled to act on them because of emotion.

We can only be rational and logical after we have been emotional. The primary mode of the brain is to feel; the secondary mode is to think.

Your response tends to follow your emotions. Our thoughts and actions are rooted in what we find attractive, not necessarily in what is logical.

Suffering drives progress. The source of all suffering is the desire for a change in state.

Your actions reveal how badly you want something. If you keep saying something is a priority but you never act on it, then you don’t really want it. It’s time to have an honest conversation with yourself. Your actions reveal your true motivations.

Reward is on the other side of sacrifice. Response (sacrifice of energy) always precedes reward (the collection of resources).

Self-control is difficult because it is not satisfying.

Our expectations determine our satisfaction. The gap between our cravings and our rewards determines how satisfied we feel after taking action.

The pain of failure correlates to the height of expectation.

Hope declines with experience and is replaced by acceptance.

***

This is Marketing: Review

I read a lot of books by Seth Godin over the past couple of years. I like his style of writing – a mix of simple yet profound sentences that often leaves you with food for thought. It is not fiction, it is mostly business advice, but he started and made his name as a marketing guru. So just after finishing his The Practice (which is for artists than for small business – his normal audience), I got my hands on his original bestseller – This is Marketing.

Honestly, it changed my views on what I thought was marketing. I have spend a lot of time with marketing folks in my corporate careers as an analytics consultant, and I found most of them being the advertising and creative types, who seemed to get a kick out of formats and colors and layouts, and such things, which many mistakenly called brand marketing. But what Seth convinces you in this book is marketing is not that. And that is what stays with you. It sounds a bit idealistic at times, but as the main inventor of Permission-based marketing, his arguments are very sound. If only all of marketing was what he says it should be. Nevertheless, it is great writing and as always, I have made notes of the book and posted them on this blog.

But as a reader, here is my short review of this book that I posted on Amazon:

Turns marketing on its head

Before I read this book, as a writer, I always thought marketing was all faff. Who ever thought that marketing was to be of service to your own small viable audience in order to change them? That too with empathy and understanding of the worldview of your audience? But that’s what this book taught me about marketing. Especially as a writer with almost an unsaid disdain for all things marketing as I had experienced them, this turned it on its head. Maybe I will try apply some of the things Seth mentions and see. But from this reading, I must say I like marketing as Seth defines it. Thank you.

Anger and Greed

The source of irritation and anger is within us. Whenever some act by someone else creates that emotion within us, the source of it can be tracked back to an unfulfilled expectation within. The only freedom from this is to fix that expectation. But it does not mean leading a dry life without expectations. It means dedicating all that you do to the feet of the Lord because that way you build no expectations or desires within. If we build this habit of doing whatever we do for the Lord, we will find our release.

On the other side of anger is greed. When our desire gets fulfilled, the mind turns to asking if it is getting adequate returns for itself and for its effort. It starts pointing to us that if there is more business coming, we must make sure that we get our share of the profit. In this way, it puts us on the path of greed. While it spurs us and gets away, it leaves us with the experience of the consequent misery and restlessness. How do we get over this greed? It is by telling the mind that our core desire is for the Lord. Whatever we are doing is for Him. Whatever we get is for Him. If we think like that then the mind and its spurring us to greed will not work and by the grace of the Lord, we will get freedom from its troubles.

***

Life’s Amazing Secrets: Notes 2

Here are my notes (part 2) from Life’s Amazing Secrets: How to Find Balance and Purpose in Your Life by Gaur Gopal Das.

WHEEL 2: RELATIONSHIPS

‘A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.’

Having fewer possessions frees one of anxiety, giving you more mind-space for the vital things in life.

There are many ways to perceive others. We should start choosing the one which magnifies the positive and avoids the negative. ‘Anyone can find the dirt in someone. Be the one that finds the gold.’

‘It is said that we can control two things in our life, our desires and our motives. Our desires govern what we want and our motives tell us why we want it.

Being blunt and abusive can be emotionally draining for both, and the person receiving the feedback switches off after some time.

We should not simply let our anger loose—we should explain it. When we express what we feel, we do so at the risk of seeming unpleasant, but when we take the time to explain our emotions to people, they might be able to empathize with us. The bottom line: hot heads do not give good feedback—choose a better time.

‘Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.’

‘We no longer bother with the subtle intricacies and niceties in our relationships—we think about people in terms of their purpose or utility, and hence, our interactions are driven by that intention. We think about products the same way.’

Although a moment of patience in a moment of anger can save us a thousand moments of regret in the future, usually when we are suffering intensely, we cannot help but let our minds run amok. For our own growth, we should maintain equipoise in testing times.

In order to practise forgiveness, we have to learn to separate the incident from the person. Disconnecting the person from the problem starts with the language we use to describe the incident

Some spiritual leaders would advise us to always forgive, regardless of the situation. Although that sounds like the most peaceful approach, it can end up doing more harm than good sometimes.

Forgiveness is a deep and often obscure value to understand.

Stories Short and Sweet

I am a big fan and reader of Ruskin Bond (who isn’t?) and have read a lot of his fiction set in the Himalayas. Recently chanced upon a small book titled “Stories Short and Sweet” which contains some of his not so well-known stories (no Room in the Roof, or Blue Umbrella, et al). This small book (less than 100 pages I think) contains some sweet stories such as one about a mischievous ghost, and another about a Bouquet of Flowers that forms a friendship between a young boy and an old widow. And then there are a couple of nostalgic ones about the Himalayan countryside as usual. I liked this collection, and the title is apt. I finished it in one sitting.

Here is a short and sweet review of this book that I posted on Amazon.

Exceptional collection

Beautiful collection of short stories – some funny, some full of suspense and some emotional. Simple prose that captures life in the mountains and almost takes you there.