Jennifer Millikin's Blog, page 2

Why I wrote The Day He Went Away

There was never a moment in the last twelve years when I thought I wasn't going to eventually publish this book.On September 28, 2004 my best friend Tyler Prewitt was killed while serving in Iraq. I felt the loss the same way I describe Kate as feeling the loss of Ethan. It went through my heart to someplace deeper. My soul. And, like so many of life's precious gifts, it wasn't until I'd lost him that I realized how much I loved him.For the sake of transparency, I will say that Tyler and I were not like Kate and Ethan. We met when were 15 and 14. We were instant friends, but the romance aspect of us was rocky at best. We were young, immature, and fueled by hormones and confusion. We did dumb things to hurt each other. Even through all the juvenile behavior, our friendship was solid. And I needed that more than romance. I was new in school and terrified of being myself.Four years later Tyler would tell me of his decision to join the Army. And me, still dumb and naive, didn't fully comprehend the danger he was going to face. He left, and we talked through email and phone calls. He would visit on r&r's, and it was like he never left. He matured faster than I. Either I was very immature, or the military made him a man quickly, or some combination of both. His final trip home was confusing. I stopped looking at him like he was just my best friend. My heart beat faster when I thought of him, and I recognized what was happening. I'd dated enough to know I was attracted to the person who'd held my hand through so many painful moments in my life.I wrote him an email, telling him how I felt. He was happy, to say the least. He'd loved me for years. That part of the story is the truth. Ethan loved Kate and Tyler loved me. Tyler wrote me a beautiful letter, which I received after he died. That's another little nugget of truth in the book. His words were different than Ethan's, however. Some things are too personal to share.When Tyler was killed, it profoundly changed me. I didn't know love and loss could be felt in my bones. I had a lot of emotions, but one of the strongest feelings was fury at my younger self. Twelve years later my fury has changed to disappointment. I won't get into the why's or how's of my disappointment, but it resulted in one of many lessons learned from losing Tyler.Another part of The Day He Went Away that's true is the character of Nick. Nick is real. But his name is Luke, and he's my husband. Next summer we will celebrate our ten year wedding anniversary. Luke and Tyler met when they served in the Army together, and they were best friends. When Tyler died Luke came to Phoenix for the funeral and we met. This is another place where The Day He Went Away takes on its own life. Luke was still in the military and we emailed frequently. At first we talked about Tyler, shared our funny stories about him, and leaned on each other in moments of pain that were too much for one person to bear. Nine months later, Luke used his leave to come to Phoenix and establish residency. Tyler had convinced Luke to move here, and he wanted to follow through, even though he would be alone in the move.In the interest of privacy, I'll save the details. The point is this: the grief process has a way of cutting to the quick and eliminating the face we present to the world. Luke and I never had to sift through superficial layers because we were broken when we met each other. Our cores were fused together by our love for Tyler and our brokenness over his death. We remember and honor Tyler and his sacrifice every day. Our son's middle name is Tyler. The American flag that was flown on post in Iraq after Tyler was killed is framed and hangs in our home. If you look closely, you can see where it's tinged with Iraqi dust.I wrote The Day He Went Away because it's a story that deserves telling. It's a way to honor my best friend and every other man and woman who serves and has served in the Armed Forces. Behind every soldier are people who love them. Every soldier has a history, a personal story to tell, loved ones they've left behind so they can keep us all safe. The Day He Went Away is fiction, but its heart is based in reality.

Why I wrote Full of Fire

You know when you wake up from a dream and you can't stop thinking about it? That's what happened on April 26th, 2014. At 5a.m., of course. I grabbed my phone and wrote down every detail I could remember, including how I felt upon waking. And then I spent the rest of the day unable to think about anything else. When I looked back at my notes, riddled with sleepy fingers typos, I saw something more in them. I saw a story. What-if's were running amok in my brain.I needed to know about this self-possessed brunette who stood in the center of a lavish hotel room with the lights of Vegas pouring into the window. I needed other people to read about her, to know how she has high ideals and won't let anyone walk all over her. How she loves herself enough to demand respect. How she will ultimately learn that someone completely different from her can teach her about herself. (Yes, I got all that from the dream. I told you, it was INTENSE.)And you know what's funny about the setting? I don't like Vegas. So guess what? Neither did my protagonist.I had fun writing Full of Fire. By that point I'd been working on The Day He Went Away for seven years and I had not yet found the freedom to write the deeply personal story in a mostly fictitious way. Full of Fire became my creative outlet. These characters could do and say what they wanted. So they did. Lila became a confident woman with high expectations. Xavier was a reformed womanizer just looking for the right woman to love. And Gigi... poor, grieving Gigi needed to allow herself to feel the loss and recognize her part in it. I love Gigi. I love her badass attitude, her unabashed over-confidence, her willingness to go after what she wants. Which is, of course, what creates the conflict that sustains the story. And since I loved her so much, I gave her a novella. Sign up for my mailing list to receive her story for free. It's not available anywhere else but here on my website.Now, as I approach the November 10th release date of The Day He Went Away, I am beyond thankful that Full of Fire was my debut novel. Whatever magical muse put that dream in my head, I am grateful for it. What I learned about the publishing process was invaluable, and I don't believe I could have learned that while also handling the emotions of letting my passion project into the world.I'll rememberFull of Firethe same way I remember my first love. Nostalgia for the innocence, furious heartbeats, and euphoria of discovery.

No sequel to Full of Fire

I'm a fighter. I'm into perseverance, hard work, and all that jazz. But I also believe in knowing when it's time to fold. There is peacefulness in knowing when you've tried long enough and can accept that it's time to move on.And that is why there will not be a sequel toFull of Fire.I tried. Really, I did.I wrote 250 pages, sent them to my fabulous editor, and worked on all her revisions. But there was something missing. Je ne sais quoi wasn't there. And then I realized why.Full of Fire was never meant to have a sequel. And I knew that before I started writing the second book.  So why did I write it? Because I was listening to the people who reviewed the book or reached out to me and said "I wanted more." So I tried to make more. And here is where I learned two very valuable lessons.Lesson one: There can be no series if the arc is not long enough. Translation: The central conflict in book one is solved by the end. If the arc is a rainbow, then Lila and Xavier have reached the end of the rainbow.Lesson two: In this particular genre, readers want solid endings. To go with my rainbow analogy, they want the pot of gold at the end. They want to know, without a doubt, the happily ever after has been obtained. And this was what some people meant by 'more'.After months of toiling, one night I was getting ready for bed and it hit me. An epilogue. That is what readers will need to get them to the nirvana they have been waiting for through 300 pages (depending on your e-reader's settings). So that's what I did.No Full of Fire Book Two. But I added an epilogue to Full of Fire, and also a more graphic sex scene. That's another lesson I learned when I read a few of the books in the New Adult and College genre. The content is 'mature'. My new scene isn't as 'mature' as the ones I've read, but it's as far as I'm willing to go. And not because I have a problem with graphic sex scenes. Just because I would die of mortification if my dad knew something like that came from my brain.So, there it is. And if you've already read Full of Fire and would like the updated version, let me know and I can send it to you.My next work, The Day He Went Away, will be released on November 10th, 2016. It's a departure from a straight romance like Full of Fire, but it's very close to my heart. Stay tuned to this blog for why I wrote that one.