Dave Zuchelli's Blog, page 37

When Does the Comet Arrive?

If you go to a museum of natural history, you’re likely to see dinosaur bones of one sort or another. These hefty creatures are no longer with us, but no one really knows why. Lots of theories have been proposed, but there are solid [image error]arguments against each one (naturally).

One of the most popular theories (probably because it’s the easiest and most fun to say) is the comet theory. One day, as the theory goes, a large comet swung way too close to the earth and created some catastrophic change in the ecology of the planet. Having drastically invaded their space, it wiped out all the terrible lizards.

Going the Way of the Dinosaur

There are other theories of course (someone counted fifty-five). They include things like meteor showers, geological transmogrification, and the ever popular “disease killed them.” Since no one seems to have been around to witness these phenomena (at least, no one with a pen and paper), we don’t have a proper record to give us the straight scoop. So, for the meantime, let’s go with the comet.

Over the years, many things have gone the way of the dinosaur. In other words, they’ve become extinct. Because of various current circumstances, many people are predicting the same for the church. These predictions are on the rise, and it causes me to ask the question, “When does the comet arrive?”

I fully understand the reasoning for such predictions. The church has, in many cases, become top-heavy. She has been weighed down with passé tradition, political correctness, and tedious programming (just to name a few of her maladies). She has, in many ways, lost her relevance. In a dark world, she has often failed to shine the light she carries.

If you look at a church budget, it’s not uncommon to see that 90% of it is spent on the church herself. After all, we have buildings to maintain, creature comforts to secure, and staff salaries to pay. Financial support is on the wane, and some houses of worship would be abandoned if it weren’t for such things as endowments and trust funds.

The Shape-Shifting Church

When I was in seminary, I remember having dinner with a friend in a restaurant called “The Church.” Its name had a simple derivation. It was an old, abandoned church building. Great food—no worship… To tell you the truth, this may well have been the best use of an otherwise underused edifice. It’s not an uncommon occurrence these days.

[image error]It’s no wonder the prognosticators have us dead and buried and are looking to the skies for our fatal comet to arrive. But to them I say, “Not so fast.” While I agree the church as we know it is quickly facing its demise, I believe something better is on the horizon.

The healthiest of congregations are beginning to morph into new creatures. Like sci-fi shape-shifters, they are taking on new, relevant forms and performing needed ministries. I, for one, am excited to see how we adapt when the comet finally hits.

[Dave Zuchelli is a graduate of Pittsburgh Theological Seminary and is currently the pastor of Smith Chapel, in Great Falls, VA.]

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Baptizing 3000: Logistics of the Spirit

Shortly after Jesus bodily left this earth, the Jewish feast of Pentecost arrived. The church (what there was of it) was cowered in a room, praying, and waiting for something to happen. They weren’t sure what that something would be, and they may have gotten more than they expected.

[image error]With Jesus gone, they were more than a bit nervous. How were they to survive a hostile world? How were they going to carry on the cause of Christ? What tactics could they use? All they had left were his words.

He did tell them he was going to send the Comforter and that they would receive power to be his witnesses. Until it happened, however, those were mere words. For all they knew, these were empty promises. Even if they weren’t, who knew how long it would take before something occurred? What form would it take? Would it even be something they’d find acceptable?

Up to now, Jesus had never let them down. But he was gone. Plus, he hadn’t always done what they wanted. They sure didn’t want him to exit via crucifixion (or even ascension). They wanted him to stick around.

Then it happened. Wild and crazy things occurred. Tongues of fire appeared and the sound of rushing wind was heard. As the Spirit of God filled them, they were so excited they forgot their fear. They ran out into the streets, ignored the Roman soldiers, and shouted out the Good News to all who would listen. The miracle was, not everyone who heard that news was hearing it in the same language. People from all over the known world were hearing it in their own language from these uneducated Galileans. How could this be?

“It’s a fantastic piece of history.”

Peter got up to preach and three thousand souls were added to the tiny church that day. They were baptized, and the Gathering was never the same. We’ve all heard that story.

[image error]It’s a fantastic piece of history, but the Bible doesn’t cover everything. How did these people (about 120 of them) add and baptize three thousand more? The logistics must have been a bit daunting. They had never done much baptizing before. Where did they do it? How did they do it?

We don’t know, exactly. What we do know is they pulled it off. When the church was faced with something new, she did what she had to do.

God is doing a new thing…why not us?

That part of Pentecost has never changed. The church is constantly faced with new stuff—new tasks and new challenges. Our problem is we often try to tackle them with old ways, habits, and traditions. We are constantly trying to put new wine into old wineskins. It doesn’t work but we keep trying and the skins keep bursting.

What say we start finding new ways of doing things. The logistics of baptizing 3000 were never set in stone. Maybe we should quit recycling the same old formulas. If we actually follow the Spirit, we might find ourselves doing a new thing. Exciting…

[Dave Zuchelli is a graduate of Pittsburgh Theological Seminary and is currently the pastor of Smith Chapel, in Great Falls, VA.]

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How I’d Like to Die

This morning, I received an email from one of my weekly e-letter subscribers. It was a joke that got my day started with a good chuckle. Since I’m conducting a funeral later this morning, a smile on my face was a good way to begin my pre-funeral routine.

The joke reads as follows:

A preacher on his deathbed summoned his doctor and his lawyer. They came, and he asked them to sit on either side of his bed and hold his hands.

They sat thus for a long while until the doctor stirred and said, “You don’t have long on this earth, Reverend. Can you tell us why you asked us to come?”

The old preacher stirred himself wheezed and said, “Well, Jesus died between two thieves, and that’s the way I want to go too.”

[image error].

With a deathbed joke behind me and a funeral in front of me, it was an easy segue to the subject of this blog. Where else could I go at this point?

I don’t know about you, but I occasionally think about how I’d like to die. I also give ponderings as to what the odds might be that I would die in a completely different way than I desire. I confess, however, I think about this option with far less frequency. It can be a very unpleasant train of thought.

“We don’t get to choose…”

My choice, unlike the dying preacher in the funny story, would be to go peacefully in my sleep. I’ve known that to be the end for several people, and it seems like the way to bow out of this world. Still, we don’t get to choose.

Some have told me their desire is to die for Christ. This offers up some really drastic imagery for me. My mind’s eye tends to conjure up visions of crusaders and sword battles. I realize dying for Christ is not limited to tenth-century knights, but it seems to be what comes to mind.

Once, when someone told me that he wanted to die for Christ, my immediate retort was that you can’t die for Christ unless you’re living for him. I don’t know if I was correct in that assessment, but it sounded good at the time.

“It seems to catch us by surprise.”

Death is such a weird phenomenon. Sometimes it’s welcomed, other times it’s tragic. Always, it’s a time of mourning for someone (I think). Even when we’re ready for it, it seems to catch us by surprise.

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This morning’s funeral will be a celebration of the life of a saint. She lived to be ninety-six years of age and was more than ready to go. She intimated more than once, she wanted to go home to be with Jesus. Her death was not a surprise and it was the culmination of a life well lived.

I have always considered it to be a privilege to preside over such a funeral service. I relish the job of preaching the hope we have in Christ—even when there are no thieves around.

[Dave Zuchelli is a graduate of Pittsburgh Theological Seminary and is currently the pastor of Smith Chapel, in Great Falls, VA.]

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Professor Irwin Corey: Rest In Peace

I just heard that Professor Irwin Corey has died. I hadn’t thought of him for a long time, but he was one of my favorites during my younger years. If I heard he was going to be on TV, I would do my best to stop and watch. If you’re younger than forty or fifty years old, you might never have heard of him. He was 102 when he passed.

[image error]The Professor was actually a comedian and entertainer. By the time I first saw him, he was often billed as the “World’s Foremost Authority.” I think it was on the old Mike Douglas Show that I first discovered his routines.

He would come on the talk shows of the day and be interviewed. His answers were wild, wacky, and wonderful. The reason they were so enjoyable was the fact that he made fun of the intellectual elites by satirizing them (see video interview excerpt).

“Why do you wear tennis shoes?”

He would arrive, dressed as an absent-minded professor. His hair would be disheveled; his suit wrinkled and frumpy, his tie beyond description, and to top it all off, he’d be wearing sneakers. One of his standard routines was to answer the question, “Why do you wear tennis shoes?”

He would always answer that by saying it was a two-part question. The first part, he would say, was the age-old question of “why.” He would then go on a long rant about the quintessential problem of the ages, which caused men to ask why. When his pseudo-intellectual ramblings were over, he would move to the second part of the question (“Do you wear tennis shoes?”). His answer to that part was a resounding, “Yes!”

One of his more famous lines (one which I still use to this day) was, “Remember! Wherever you go, there you are!” It was typical of his adages and reminiscent of his never-failing logic. Doublespeak was his forte.

“However…”

In answering a question, he would often launch into a seemingly never-ending speech of gobbledygook, only to stop halfway through and ask, “What was the question again?” Occasionally, he would begin a soliloquy or routine with a long pause followed by the word, “However…”

[image error]By the time I began watching him, his routine was very repetitive and often predictable. Still, I never tired of seeing him in action. I think his appearance had something to do with that. He just looked funny.

Most importantly, however, was the way he mocked the intelligentsia. By referring to himself as the World’s Foremost Authority, he always reminded us of someone we knew. You know the type. They think they know everything, and to prove it, they can drone on without end. By the time they’ve finished, your eyes have rolled back into your head and you’ve missed most of it.

These people try to reverse the Scripture that says, “Even fools are thought wise if they keep silent, and discerning if they hold their tongues.” (Proverbs 17:28) Professor Corey showed us how fools look (and sound). R.I.P., Irwin.

[Dave Zuchelli is a graduate of Pittsburgh Theological Seminary and is currently the pastor of Smith Chapel, in Great Falls, VA.]

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The Separation of Church and State: Really?

[image error] If you haven’t been living in a cave the past twenty or thirty years, you’ve heard all the arguments over the separation of church and state. Years ago (twenty-eight to be exact) a liberally minded pastor told me that separation of church and state was a bogus notion. The ground for his opinion was the fact that the state gets clergy to marry people (a state function) at no cost. To him, the idea that church and state should be completely separate was negated by this fact alone. I hadn’t heard that argument before (or since). I found it to be an interesting take from a guy I would have thought would be standing on the other side of the proverbial fence.

Most everyone I know agrees there should be some sort of separation between the ecclesia and the secular, governing bodies. The real argument, of course, lies in the definition of the phrase. What does separation look like, how far should it go, and who defines it? My conservative friends say it means the government should stay out of church affairs. My liberal friends aver just the opposite. The church should stay out of the business of governing.

“You want your voice to be heard…”

[image error]I’m not going to rehash those arguments here. Better minds than mine have laid out the varying positions much more cogently than I could. It seems to me, however, neither side is very consistent.

Regardless if you’re what we label as a conservative Christian or a liberal one, you have a vested interest in how your government operates—in how its policies are implemented. You want your voice to be heard, and you want things to flow in your direction. Obviously, the latter is not going to happen in every instance—maybe in many instances.

Lots of friends who want the state out of the church’s business would be happy to embrace public policies that would ensure (even bolster) religious freedom, protect the preborn, and uphold traditional family values. My pals on the opposite end of the spectrum want the church to avoid telling the government what it should do (or to even have a say). Yet, they want the government to be about the Biblical business of the church (i.e., feeding the hungry, giving sanctuary to the alien, and healing the sick).

“No one actually wants separation.”

[image error]It seems to me that no one actually wants true separation of church and state. What we really want is for the government to do what we as a church have failed to do. If we can’t (or won’t) accomplish our stated Biblical tasks, we want the secular powers to accomplish those tasks for us.

Maybe it’s time for the church to do what she was called to do. Instead of relying on secular authority to do our jobs, maybe we ought to actually do them ourselves. We are overzealous in guarding our private time, and hoarding our personal fortunes. Then we expect the ruling bodies to take up the cavernous slack we leave behind.

Shame on us!

[Dave Zuchelli is a graduate of Pittsburgh Theological Seminary and is currently the pastor of Smith Chapel, in Great Falls, VA.]

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The Death of a Saint

[image error]Each January, I attend the March for Life in DC. I’ve done so for over two decades. I have the routine down pat.

I arise early, drive to the Metro, and hop a train to South Capitol. I then walk to the United Methodist Building (across the street from the Supreme Court). I attend the Life-Watch worship service there, walk the two miles to the Mall, listen to the speakers, and march along with a few hundred thousand pro-lifers back to the Supreme Court.

I’ve been doing this for so long there are a few people I expect to see each year. Three of them are fellow Methodists that always attend the morning worship. When I arrived at the UM Building this year, I was running a tad late; so I dropped my coat off in the chapel and headed for the restroom for a quick pitstop.

As I deposited my wrap, I glanced around to see if my three usual’s were present. Two were—one wasn’t. I didn’t think too much of Ken’s absence at first because it was not totally unusual for him to be late.

“Did Ken die?”

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But as I ducked into the restroom, a strange thought briefly passed through my mind. I wondered to myself, “Did Ken die?” I don’t usually think this way, and I quickly rejected the idea that he was gone. After all, he was still a young guy, he was known to arrive late upon occasion, and he always showed up.

When I got back to my seat, a smart looking, well-dressed gentleman sat next to me for worship. We introduced ourselves to each other, and his name sounded extremely familiar. I surreptitiously got out my phone and Googled him. Sure enough, he was who I thought he was (Mark Tooley—President of the Institute on Religion and Democracy). This distracted me from the fact that I was neither seeing nor hearing Ken (who tends to be boisterous—you don’t have to see him to know he’s in the room—loud laughter and even louder “amens” always give him away).

We weren’t very far into the service when one of the leaders made the announcement that Ken Stewart had recently passed away. For some reason, I was not surprised. I assume it was the wild, random thought that had shot through my mind a few minutes prior. The rest of the service was a bit of a blur, however.

A Barrette Ministry to the World

[image error]Ken was one of those guys who was more concerned for everyone else than for himself. He was known for his long, silver hair that he usually had pulled back into a ponytail. He made hair barrettes that said things like “Jesus Loves You” and tried every year to get me to join him in his “barrette ministry” to the world.

Like all the saints who have touched my life, I will miss Ken very much. Maybe for next year’s march, I’ll join him in his barrette ministry. It would be a fitting tribute.

[Dave Zuchelli is a graduate of Pittsburgh Theological Seminary and is currently the pastor of Smith Chapel, in Great Falls, VA.]

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Hi. I’m Dave, and I’m a Procrastinator

I have to admit it. I’m a procrastinator. It’s not that I always procrastinate. I’ve actually been able to discipline myself to the point I often tackle things ahead of time just to get them out of the way.[image error]

Procrastination is often my fallback position, however. If there’s something more pleasurable to be done, I often opt for that choice. “When in doubt, take the easy way out.” (That might be a good bumper sticker for me.)

“When you’re facing the wall, what can you do?”

In college (and even seminary), I pulled a few all-nighters because I procrastinated. I always swore I’d never do it again, but do it again I did. Losing sleep seldom proved to be the best solution; but when you’re facing the wall, what can you do?

Of course, sometimes it mattered what the task was. If I needed to study for a test, all-nighters were useless. I never studied well when I was tired. No-Doz (remember that stuff) and coffee were never much help.[image error]

On the other hand, if I just had to write a relatively short research paper, I could handle that. I could even manage a decent grade under that scenario. I’m not exactly sure how I pulled those off, but I guess I’m just wired that way.

Then there were the times that I procrastinated to the point where nothing could be done. I just had to find some great excuse for not being finished. “The dog ate my homework” was never an option for me—I didn’t have a dog. But I remember coming up with some doozies. I won’t mention them here (it’s too embarrassing).

“They just never got around to me…”

The greatest times were when procrastination turned out to be the best of all worlds. That was when, as it turned out, the time was extended, the project was canceled, or they just never got around to me that day. The fact that my last name begins with “Z” sometimes helped me there.

Procrastination is not something I recommend. It’s just something I occasionally do. If I’m not properly motivated to perform a task, I’ll put it off in a heartbeat. I’m often sorry for that later, but I still often find myself in a pressure situation that I’ve created because of my propensity for deferring the inevitable.

I’ve known people who claim they work better under pressure. Those guys are supreme procrastinators. They put everything off until the last moment. I don’t think I could live like that. Extreme procrastination would give me ulcers. For me, it’s not a way of life. It’s more like a hobby.[image error]

On the other end of the spectrum are guys like our new President. He’s trying to keep all his campaign promises in the first two weeks. A little procrastination might do him some good. I’m getting frazzled just watching him.

I guess what I’m trying to say by all this is that it’s good to stop and smell the roses. Just don’t stop for too long (unless you have a dog to blame things on).

[Dave Zuchelli is a graduate of Pittsburgh Theological Seminary and is currently the pastor of Smith Chapel, in Great Falls, VA.]

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Left Wing, Right Wing: Take These Wings and Learn to Fly

As I view our country in the aftermath of the 2016 presidential election, matters become more and more unbelievable. Things seem to be said and done without proper deference to the truth or the notion that we’re all in this together.

[image error]I won’t bemoan the fact that no one seems to have a simple conversation anymore. I’ve done that many times and have heard the same from countless others. It seems to be a reality that our tactics these days are to either shout louder than the other guys or just call them names. Even the news is not the news anymore. It’s usually two or more people attempting to talk over one another about what they think happened. There have been times when I’ve had to do my own research to find out what the actual event being discussed was. I got all the opinions before I even knew what occurred.

This used to be entertaining…

I used to find all of this to be somewhat entertaining. I guess I still do to some extent. What really bothers me, however, is that these attitudes and actions have spilled over into the church. There seems to be little or no deference left for those of differing denominations, theologies, or Biblical stances. The “I’m right, you’re wrong” mentality has become overwhelming. We been reduced to various camps within the faith and have no time or regard for each other. In all candor, that really grieves me. I can’t even imagine what it does to the heart of God.

At the center of Christianity is a call to follow Jesus. If we do that, it becomes increasingly apparent that the path on which he leads us takes us into a commitment to community. Your politics (and even your lifestyle) may be considered left wing or right wing (or some other iteration). You may even label yourself in these terms. But those inclinations of your heart and life should (in my humble opinion) be overridden by your desire to follow the One who saves you—namely Jesus.[image error]

From what I’ve seen (and I was a biology major in college) there aren’t many birds around that can fly on one wing. If we have two wings in the church, we’d better learn to use them in concert to ascend. If we don’t, we’re likely to go the way of the dodo bird. We’re seeing the beginnings of that already.

“What I’m saying is nothing new.”

The Gospel of Christ cannot be split down the middle. Jesus didn’t teach a Gospel of social action versus a Gospel of evangelical fervor. He was not a divided Savior. He was not schizophrenic, nor was he double-minded. Neither should we be.

What I am saying is nothing new. I’ve heard it all my Christian life. Still, we are living in days when this message has to be a resounding gong throughout the church. If we don’t begin to take it to heart, the faith community will be left with nothing to say to a dark and dying world.

[Dave Zuchelli is a graduate of Pittsburgh Theological Seminary and is currently the pastor of Smith Chapel, in Great Falls, VA.]

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The Black and Gold Exclamation Point

[image error]Last week was somewhat of a rough one for me. It started out in amazing fashion but slowly faded from there.

My youngest son and his family visited from Florida for the long, MLK weekend. We had an awesome time together, and on Monday (when I drove them to the airport) I could sense the making of a superb week.

“That was not to be, however.”

One of my long-time parishioners had passed away the previous Thursday. I knew I was staring at a viewing on Tuesday evening followed by a funeral on Wednesday morning. And though these things can be very difficult, we knew we would be able to celebrate the life of this saint. He lived to be ninety-two, and his legacy is a magnificent one. Despite the inevitable sadness and mourning, there’s always a certain amount of joy in the passing of wonderful people into the arms of God. Those events went quite well (from my perspective), so the rest of the week figured to be a cakewalk. That was not to be, however.

[image error]Thursday night, I went to bed with a bit of a queasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. I didn’t think too much of it until I awoke at One A.M. fighting nausea. By three, I was in the bathroom (but I’ll spare you the gory details). Let’s just say, it wasn’t a pretty picture. Friday and Saturday, I was immobilized on the living room couch. I had been reduced to drinking sips of ginger ale and watching hours of inaugural and women’s march events. I couldn’t concentrate on anything with a plot.

The good news in all of this was that I didn’t have to preach on Sunday. We had an actor coming in from Pittsburgh who was doing a presentation during worship. The bad news was, he was also performing at a Coffee House for us on Saturday evening. I had been looking forward to that event for weeks. Much to my chagrin, however, I had to miss it.

By Sunday morning, I was feeling human enough to actually attend worship. I was getting to the place where I no longer felt like I had been hit by a Mack truck. I was still a bit weak but definitely on the mend.

“Mama said there’d be days like this.”

My last glimmer of hope for salvaging the week was the AFC Championship game between my beloved Steelers and the not-so-beloved Patriots. A Steeler victory would have made it all seem worthwhile. I guess the Pittsburgh Dad didn’t pray hard enough.[image error]

The devastating loss at the hands of quarterback Tom “The Machine” Brady put a black and gold exclamation point on my suffering. I think the appropriate saying for such an occasion is, “It added insult to injury.” Mama said there’d be days like this. I hate it when she’s right.

Fortunately, the Word of God is strong. The Psalmist once said, “weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.” (Psalm 30:5) Apparently, that applies to bad weeks as well.

[Dave Zuchelli is a graduate of Pittsburgh Theological Seminary and is currently the pastor of Smith Chapel, in Great Falls, VA.]

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Do You Believe in Gravity?

By now, I’m sure most of you have seen (or at least heard) about the woman who was thrown off a plane because she was harassing another passenger for her perception of his political views. In case you haven’t, it’s worth a look-see (video and article). Apparently, the innocent party was on his way to D.C. for the inaugural proceedings and (in response to her queries) told her he was going to “celebrate democracy.” That set her off on a long diatribe.

“It’s the Law!”

During her tirade, the woman implied that man-made climate change was a theory that should be believed. She then told him that gravity was a theory and asked, “Do you believe in gravity?” Of course, she pretty much lost all credibility at that point (if indeed she had any to begin with). As most middle school students can tell you, gravity is not a theory. It’s a law of physics. In fact, I’m obeying that law right now.[image error]

This woman reminded me of a lot of Christians I’ve run into. She does so in that she was willing to argue from facts that were not facts at all. When we do that, it all becomes emotionalism (or worse).

My friends in the progressive wing of Christianity basically state their philosophy as an attempt to live according to the teachings of Jesus—the ACTUAL teachings. They make it clear they’re not going to hold to some extrapolations of his teachings or to some assumptions attributed to Christ that are nowhere to be found in Scripture. While I am far from the progressive camp, I side with them on this point.

 What happens when we assume?

Far too many of us are way too quick to pass off some Biblical theory as fact (or some Biblical fact as theory). Often times it’s a result of some shoddy scanning of Scripture on our part, reading between the lines, or assuming something that just isn’t there.

[image error]Sadly, our biggest mistake is this. We too often read, even study, the Holy Book through lenses of our own biases. We need to check those glasses at the door when we’re studying God’s Word. They account for a lot of additions and subtractions to the Bible. They muddle our thinking processes. When our Bible has holes in it (or chunks that have been added), we’re slogging into deep do-do. Our theology is then in danger of becoming scatological (sorry—I couldn’t resist).

Still other times we end up quoting something we thought we heard somewhere along the way. If we don’t check the source, we can set ourselves a course that takes us on a tangent to nowhere (Biblically speaking). Many of us are not willing to grapple with the hard stuff of Scripture. By failing to do so, we end up with shoddy theology and misspent time. Can we spell heresy?

I once heard a wise person say, “Rather than interpret Scripture, we should allow Scripture to interpret us.” Now there’s a theory I can believe in.

[Dave Zuchelli is a graduate of Pittsburgh Theological Seminary and is currently the pastor of Smith Chapel, in Great Falls, VA.]

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