Kelly Rae Roberts's Blog, page 85

slowly but surely, i'm finding my way

i posted this video showing a painting in progress (start to finish) a long, long time ago but it's been mistakenly set to private on youtube all of this time. i had no idea! i just changed the status from private to public and thought i'd share it here again.

my truth over here is that i've barely, and i mean barely, had any time to paint. with zero childcare and total physical + mental exhaustion, i'm just not getting to my studio table. in my old life, i could unearth my reserves and charge through, but in this new life exhaustion trumps everything, surrender is front and center, and there are no reserves.

it's so strange to live in a world where the inspiration is there yet the energy is not. we are currently working on finding the right part-time nanny (this has been such a HARD, but totally necessary step for me). once we have some help, and once i get a moment or two of sustained recovery/rest, i can't wait to get back to the table. i've never been in this situation before - one where i'm soooo inspired yet i literally can't find the time to act on that inspiration. it's driving me bonkers.

i'm finding my way.....slowly but surely. i'll get there. i just know it.

update: i wrote this post several days ago and since writing it, i'm happy to announce that we have found an awesome nanny. i had the same intuitive, instant connection with her that i had when i met my studio assistant, dani. i love it when that happens. feeling really thankful that more studio time, more self recovery time, and maybe even a date night or two are on the way soon. life is good.

wednesday inspiration

john has been a packer fan his whole life. and now true gets to get in on the fun:)

things that are tickling my fancy lately:

* this blog that shows how people dress in portland. SO TRUE and so good. love this blog. love the style ideas.

* current photography blog crush.

* will someone PLEASE whip up a dress just like this for me? love, love.

* digging this necklace made from felt and vintage bits.

* completely and absolutely fell in love with the lyrics and melody of this song.

* the most amazing and inventive book art i've every seen.

* as i try and find my rhythm, this post from ali was super inspiring and so intriguing.

* the new mixed media website. if you're interested, i have a podcast/interview up on the site with rice. poor rice, i was so chatty on this particular day that she barely got a word in edgewise, but in my defense, she asked really great questions that i really wanted to answer! we had a fun conversation about all sorts of stuff including how i'm adjusting to motherhood, my thoughts/advice on how to help your creative style emerge, the idea that there is room for all of us and our ideas/dreams, the dangers of comparison, making decisions that are aligned with our hearts vs money, how i choose blog topics, and more. take a listen here.

* speaking of rice and podcasts, be sure to check out her other interviews with artists, including this one about motherhood + creativity (super inspiring)!

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PS: i'm so happy to announce that you can now order checks with my artwork printed on them! how fun is that? a little birdie told me that if you google "bradford exchange checks coupon code" you'll find some pretty amazing discount codes. just sayin ;)

oprah, you are my hero.

this is the play by play of my response to the best email i've ever received (i had just walked in the door, hence the puff daddy jacket):

no way, could it be true!!!??????

seriously? SERIOUSLY???

OMG! OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

shake your booty, shake your booty!!!

this is really happening!!!!!!!!

i'm freakin! oh yeah! i'm freakin!!!!

thank you, world!!!!!!

everyone in my life knows how much i heart oprah. she is the first person i name when asked who i admire the most, the person who has mentored me without ever knowing me. she speaks my language. i get her. i'm inspired by her. and like so many others, i am in awe of the life she has crafted for herself and by how she inspires us all to live our best lives.

it's true, i am a total oprah geek. i have watched her show since 1987 when i was 12 years old. my bff gina and i spent years getting off the school bus and bee-lining it straight to my house for the 4pm oprah shows. i was only 12 years old but i was already learning so much from oprah. about compassion. about serving. about following our dreams. about tolerance. about humanity.

since then i've grown up with her, watched every season, subscribed to her magazine, followed her tweets, and i was in front of my tv on 1/11/11 at 12noon when her OWN network launched. i am proud of her, i'm inspired by her, and i cannot believe (CANNOT BELIEVE) that i was able to get two tickets to one of her shows!!!!!! i'm certain that was the best, most surprising email i've ever received. what a gift...

it's a total dream come true. it's always been on my mondo beyondo list. always. always. always.

thank you universe. thank you energy. thank you manifestation of wild dreams. thank you, thank you! totally geeking out........the show tapes in just a couple of weeks! i can't wait to share the experience with you guys and i can't wait to finally get to chicago, a city i've always wanted to visit!!!!!!

can you tell i'm crazy excited with all of my exclamation points?!!!!!!!!!!! oh yes, and i taking my bff gina with me. it's going to be awesome.

okay, i think i can breathe now.

our living room: the photo tour

house tour continues, room by room! today, it's our living room. again, all photos were taken by the amazing andrea jenkins (aka, hulaseventy). i should mention that these photos were taken just prior to the birth of baby true, so the coffee table has already been moved to allow for more open space. and there's usually a jungle gym (this one, to be exact - he LOVES it!) in the middle of the floor. as he gets older and more mobile, we'll have to make some decor changes, but i firmly believe that you can still have safe design + creativity in a home with a baby. i seriously can't wait to have his drawings all over this house.



our living room is bright, happy, full of light. it's hard to believe it turned out this way when it started off so, so sad. there's no television (it's downstairs in the family room) but rather this room is really where we spend time with the baby on the floor, where we take short naps on the couch with the sun filtering through the windows, where have fires, where we watch various people + kids walk down the street, and where we our doggie bella sleeps on the rug all day long. i love not having a television on the main level of our house.



it's a fairly smallish room and sort of longish, too, making it a bit tricky when it came to layout. i love how the fireplace turned out. it's sort of grand in scale to match the high ceilings. my mom told me about the affordable chairs at pier one and that's where i scooped up


the rug is a flowered yellow rug from pottery barn - here's a photo of it in our old house that shows it more clearly. really love, love this rug. although you can only see one in this photo, there are two identical ceiling light fixtures. really love these from schoolhouse electric.


our collection of mirrors are displayed with a pink wooden frame and piece of art thrown in for good measure. i bought the art from artist rachel ann austin a couple of years ago at a seattle art fair. i believe she lives in portland (i should invite her over for tea!).


the leather chair is one of the first pieces of furniture john and i ever bought as a couple years and years ago when we first moved to portland. the quilt was one that his grandmother made. and the pillow was found at an antique/junk mall. we are collectors of stained glass windows and we've got two that sit in the windows on either side of the fireplace.


here's a view looking into the dining room which then leads into the kitchen. we still love our green leather couch from pottery barn that we bought a couple of years ago. they don't sell it in that color anymore so i'm so glad we got it when we did.


there isn't enough space in this room for built-ins, or bookshelves (we have these in other rooms throughout the house), so there's not a lot of surface area for photo frames, mementos, and stuff. i like how this room is clean cut in that way. i found this sweet little table at a local antique/junk shop. the lampshade is vintage but the lamp base is ikea. and there's another stained glass window peeking through.



here's the coffee table though it's no longer in this room. it was an old wicker trunk that is now in another room. the candle is my all time favorite candle called volcano from antho (BEST scent ever and completely worth the $25). books are coffee table surf books (john collects them). and i love how my mom put leaves from our front yard bush inside the vase. leaves! plain + simple = love it.



pillows are all anthro. and the quilt is another of john's grandmas. this quilt is my fave. i love how its patchwork goes so well with the birdie painting's patchwork (mati rose is the artist). the painting on the left is a collaborative painting i made with some dear friends. piled up vintage suitcases/sewing box make a corner table. behind the couch you can see a glimpse into our entry way and our entry way light which is one of my favorite features in this whole house.

there you have it! big thanks again to andrea for taking all of the photos for this post. i have fond memories of my mom and i unpacking this room, moving the couch in various positions and settling on this arrangement for its good chi. i really really do believe in feng shui furniture arrangement - here's a good article that explains the basics, but it's all about arranging spaces that allow for good energy flow.

other photo tours of our home:
kitchen
dining room
the complete remodel

NEW Sponsor Spotlights: Do What You Love, Rebecca Murphy, The Rusted Chain, Lollie Dollies, Maegan Beishline, Amy Peters + The Build Zone

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"In childhood, we press our nose to the pane, looking out. In memories of childhood, we press our nose to the pane, looking in." ~Robert Brault
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most important soul work ever

it's not until i talk to other moms that i realize how much my heart is carrying and expanding. i've never been so relieved to know i'm not alone in an experience. what nobody tells you is that your capacity for holding everything expands monumentally. adjusting to that piece alone is exhausting because new mamahood really does feel like an alternate universe where your heart explodes with bliss, but also where you are constantly trying to gather up all the pieces that are flying at high speed all around you. i'm learning to hold the full breath of this experience - the extremes, the tenderness, the transitions, the worry, the time warp, the expectations, the present, the grief, the dreams, the conversations, the staying in touch with your friends, the jobs/deadlines, all schedules, the uncertainty, the hopes. it's a lot to hold as you mamas out there know!

as a newbie, i'm learning that we have to be flexible. but not. spontaneous. but not. go with the flow. but not.

in every way, and at every turn, i'm celebrating this remarkable + miraculous experience while also trying to craft a whole new way of living and seeing the world - how does my work/creativity mix in and how do i express all of this now that everything has changed? how do i structure my time now? do i structure my time? four months into new parenthood, we are blissed out with baby true while also trying hard to reintegrate, recalibrate, re-emerge our personal selves back into the fold. work time. personal time. together time. holy smokes, this is tricky.


(four months old! LOVES his bebe pod chair)

it sort of feels like we are dipping in and out of total separate worlds all day long. when he's awake, i'm in baby world. when he's asleep i'm frantically dipping into deadline world, personal time world, friend world, creative world, marriage world. a friend of mine told me that this is motherhood - that navigating different worlds while also being fully present for your children is an art form, one that has a high learning curve, one that takes a lot of practice.

i'm still such a beginner at all of this. up and down. in and out. i've never felt more sensitive, more vulnerable to judgment, more tender to unkindness, and more volatile in my confidence. i've also never been more sure in my whole life that it's all so completely worth it, that this kind of surrendering, that this kind of letting go and leaning in and reaching up and out of myself is the most meaningful soul work i'll ever do.

current mantras (because pep talks occur over here more often than ever before!):
brave in sadness, brave in love (always)
what you're doing matters.
be present and let go.
surrender to the love and tenderness.
don't sweat the small stuff.
nothing is wasted.
this is a spiritual journey.

dining room photo tour + SEVERAL easy DIY projects mixed in.

so excited to give you guys a photo tour of our dining room! all photos were taken by the talented and amazing andrea jenkins, aka hula. also, there are many easy do-it-yourself projects + ideas mixed in. i hope you get inspired!



the dining room is the center of our home. i really, really love this room. bright + cheery makes me happy. one of my favorite pieces in this room is the makeshift table in the back left. it's a chair with a vintage suitcase placed on top. i'm pretty sure my mom fashioned it up when we were unpacking. i just love it and it holds our plant and lamp perfectly.



there's another little table fashioned from a vintage suitcase. and just so you know, that lovely orchid was a housewarming gift that promptly died a week later (we tried!!). the painting is the one that mati and i painted together - really love it in this new space (it was in our bedroom).



john's family gave us some of the family china YEARS ago (like, 10 years ago) but we've never had a place to put it so it's been stored in boxes all of these years. i can't tell you how awesome it was to FINALLY get a sweet little china cabinet (that my mom painted white - thanks, mom!) and unpack all the lovely vintage china. i love, love, love this china. it's simple and sweet and we use it often.



we bought white curtains from target and sewed some pretty fabric to the bottoms. when i say "we" i mean "my mom" - i love this DIY project. it's simple yet easy and changes the whole room.



we found this vintage table for less than $75. the color. love.



the table runner is made from several pretty vintage hankies sewn together. i saw this idea in a magazine years ago and it was so great to finally do it. this was another sewing project that mom quickly whipped up for me. seriously, what would i do without her?



i can't remember how i came to be the owner of such a long feather but i like it in the plant. it gives that little piece of corner some height. feather + plants = why not!



john's parents gifted us this old church pew after i went on and on about how much i loved it (it used to be in their house). it's one of my favorite pieces.



that's me, super duper preggers. man, that feels like forever ago.



a contractor bought the house next door and is currently renovating it (it's another 1916 bungalow). he so graciously gave us the chandelier that was hanging in the dining room over there. i thought he was crazy for giving it up but i didn't argue:) and man, i spent a lot of time cleaning it and getting it back in shape. i love, love it so so much. and yes, it has just two shades even though it has six lights. i fell in love with the white ruffly shades and had to have them (even though there were only two). i sort of like the quirkiness of it.



a peak into the living room....so there you have it. our cozy smallish dining room - the very center of our home and where we spend a lot, a lot of time. thanks again to andrea who captured it perfectly.

writing this post has reminded me about how, at 8 months pregnant, we moved into this place, unpacked, did a million projects, and worked super hard to get ready for baby true. my parents came out twice to help us unpack, decorate, and build things because i was sooo huge and uncomfortable toward the end. we had been living in a tiny furnished apt and a hotel for months while all of our stuff was in storage and while we renovated this house. it was craziness and the center of my entire year last year, but as soon as we had the baby a few short weeks later, i promptly forgot about it. just like that. looking back, i'm so, so grateful we worked so hard (and for everyone that helped us finish) as our home was a great comfort to us in those first few weeks of new parenthood. it's literally been the foundation of what's held us together as we make our way....thank you, house. we heart you so.

why photos mean the world to me.

we had the honor of being photographed by new friend, lara blair, last week. i met lara last summer in a really spontaneous way (on a farm, in the middle of nowhere!). we share a love of all things mixed media, girlie adventures, boots, ruffles, and flea markets (monticello is a fave). she is a wildly talented photographer of doggies and people and we were so glad she came to capture us last week.



i've seen exactly one photo of me as a baby with my mama - and i saw it for the first time last year. as i made my way into the world, i often wished there were more photos of me as a baby, as a toddler, in the arms of my mom. times were a bit tumultuous when i was a babe and most photos of me during that time were lost in the division, in the chaos. i also don't remember much of my childhood so i suppose photos would have been the story tellers for me, the evidence that i existed, that i once was just born, 2 years old, five years old, and so on - no matter how crazy or broken life was then.

when it comes down to it, i think my longing for childhood images comes from a place of wanting to believe that i was special, that my babyhood mattered so much that it had to be captured in photos. of course, i was special and i meant the world to my family - i just wish there were photos to help tell my early stories, to help me fill in the gaps, to help me see myself more tenderly. and so.....that's part of why it's so important to me to make sure that i capture True's babyhood, of him in my arms, in john's arms, with all of us together. he is so special.

i wanted to share a few of our favorite shots from our day with lara:




















thank you, lara, for gifting us with some amazing images that will help tell baby true's story.

Weekly Sponsor Spotlight: Be Present Retreats, Gwynnie B Designs + Lindy Gruger Hanson

Big thanks to my sponsors...I'm really enjoying these weekly sponsor spotlights where their creative talents and businesses are featured. If you are interested in becoming a sponsor (includes your ad on the sidebar + ongoing spotlights), please send me an email for further information!

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Come along to the Oregon Coast from March 30 to April 3 with Mati Rose McDonough, Andrea Jenkins, Tracy Benjamin, and Liz Lamoreux as your guides as we focus on the theme of joy at this Be Present Retreat. We will eat delicious meals, gather for laughter and connection, spend time sharing our stories, play with paint and instant photography and food. We will find our way to the quiet and take time to breathe deeply as we look out at the sea. We will begin to listen to the joy that is whispering inside us.
And there will be strawberries and cupcakes and laughter and dancing and time to soak it all in and invitations to really see yourself and music and messiness and moments where you just might realize you can live your wildest dreams into reality.
To put it simply: This one is gonna be good. And this is your official invitation to come along...There are still a few spots available. Visit the Joy information page to find out more.

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If you stop by my seaside studio you'll find a delightful mess of beads, twinkling purple lights, paint drips on pretty much everything, and 4 silly animals helping out. My dogs, Lucy and Louie, love to sniff my new designs, while the 2 cats, Fatso Skinny and Bleu Kitty look at them as if they're crazy! It's a happy studio filled with music and giggles, which makes for an atmosphere full of inspiration. Please stop by my blog Beautiful heART to see what's new in the Gwynnie B studio, and my Etsy shop and website to see all of my handcrafted pretties. So what's your heART story this Valentine's??
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Hi, my name is Lindy Gruger Hanson and I work out of my home studio in Bend, Oregon which I call "Color Spirit Studio". Painting refreshes my spirit! My paintings are a way to express my inner vision in what I call my symbolic language. I believe art can be healing, like a breath of fresh air rejuvenating one's soul. I love color. I love texture. I like to take shapes, lines, textures and colors to create a world from the imagination. Inspiration is everywhere – a red next to a blue, a line from a song, birds, gardens, trees, a photo, a snippet of conversation. My aim is to create paintings with the belief that art can inspire people, make a house a home, and bring joy and positive energy into the world! I hope it can lift your spirit! I have colorful prints and greeting cards in my Etsy Shop and original paintings can be found on my website. In my Etsy Shop, all Kelly Rae Readers receive a 10% discount with purchase, along with a free gift when you use the discount code KELLYRAE2010. Good through the end of February. I hope you'll come by and check it out!

missing my beginner artist self.

i made this painting just before christmas. i was in experimentation mode, trying not to be attached, and working at being playful. before it looked like the above, it looked like this (a background that i had sitting around for nearly a year):



i didn't love the finished piece at first but after looking at it again this morning, it charmed me. i like how the lace still comes through in her hair. and i like how it still looks like me but not me.

i'm all over the place these days when it comes to painting. i think that's because i'm all over the place. my world is shifting and recalibrating and that comes through in my art. i sort of like that. it feels adventurous and i wonder where i'll land, if i'll land. art, for me, is extremely narrative. my paintings tell the story of where i happen to be in my life. i love, love, love this part of being a painter - the story telling.


(that's me in 2006 - the year i started painting and selling my work)

speaking of paintings, i'm currently working on several licensing projects that have me going through my entire portfolio. that means i'm looking at every single piece of art i've made in the last five years - hundreds of paintings. as i go back and look at each one, i'm reminded of how far i've come, how each piece represents a moment in time for me, how they tell the story of where i've been these last five years, how i've grown as a person, as an artist. as i see and witness the transformation in my portfolio, i can now really see and witness the transformation of myself these last five years. i hold so much tenderness for that 30 yr old girl (pictured above) who found her passion and never looked back. i'm so proud of her, in awe of her and in some ways, i miss her.

i miss her optimism. and courage. and determination. i get all teary eyed about her. i really, really do. so much has happened since she dared to dream big. and knowing what i know now about how complicated our stories can be, and how easy it is to get off track, and how gratitude is the only way to joy, i want to reach out and give her a giant bear hug and thank her for reaching out toward something that was greater than herself and embracing all the possibilities that were waiting for her all along.

right now, today, i am reminded of my own beginnings. i miss them, i miss her, and i'm working hard at embracing that beginner's mind again. there is so much magic in those moments of working hard and being thankful about what is today, and dreaming big about tomorrow.