Lisa Endlich's Blog, page 425

Don’t Worry, You are NOT a Helicopter Parent

Last year I read a wonderful piece in the New York Times about the mother of a college freshman who jumped on a plane when her daughter called to say she had mononucleosis. In any other time a mom visiting, and subsequently taking care of her sick 18-year old, would be utterly unremarkable. But the specter of the helicopter parent hangs low over all of our heads. Before we act, before we parent, before we answer the call of those who love and need us, we ask ourselves, “Is that hovering?”

S...

Your College Freshman’s Miserable? Here’s What to Say

I went to college barely an hour from home. During the hour-long ride to school, I wept quietly in the back seat until my silent tears turned into ugly, loud, racking sobs in response to my father’s quip, “I’m happy that we gave you a good childhood.”

I have often told my children the following story: The first night of college there was a welcome freshman barbecue and not knowing anyone I took a spot alone beneath a tree. At some point I decided that I needed something for my burger, which b...

Time Spent With My Son During His Illness Was a Gift

I watched the screen as the ultrasound technician measured my teen’s kidney. My son had endured five surgeries in as many months, and our hopes were dashed four times. I told everyone this would be the day we received good news. She moved the wand, and my heart sank when I saw the dark spot on the screen. Despite all their attempts to solve the problem, it was still there. He would need another surgery.

The urologist asked my 16-year-old son if he wanted to live with the pain or if he wanted...

The Letter I Wrote to My Teenage Son About Drinking

A mom writes a letter about underage drinking and reminds her son of the family values that she holds dear.

As hard as it is for me to believe this, I’m the mother of a teenager. In fact Tom will be entering 10th grade this September.

The years have gone so fast that I really feel as if one day I was taking pictures of him graduating from our Mommy and Me class, the next day I couldn’t believe he was in the fourth grade, and then bang, he was in high school.

Play dates at friends houses have...

How to Make Your Next College Care Package the Best Yet

The fall semester is college care package season and there’s nothing that makes our kids happier than fetching a box from the mailroom to see what treats have arrived from home. Parents send reminders of their love and, when we pack dozens of freshly-baked cookies or send a few small gifts, we give our kids the joy of sharing with roommates and hallmates.

Our list is based on what our own kids have told us they love and also includes some wonderful ideas from Grown and Flown Parents,our Faceb...

Why It’s Important to Give a Close Look at Early Decision

Our high school seniors are finishing up their college essays and trying to complete the Common Application before the academic pressures of senior year take root. But there is one nagging decision left to make, one which many students find the most stressful of the whole process–whether to apply Early Decision.

When I first suggest to clients that they consider applying Early Decision to a favorite college, they often say no, I’d prefer to apply to multiple colleges, get lots of acceptances...

Missing My College Daughter: The Insight That Finally Helped

Two weeks ago my daughter, my firstborn, my only girl, left for college. She started school 400 miles from home at the small Catholic liberal arts college of her dreams. I held it together on the long drive home for the sake of my 8th grade son who had come along to help with move in, but once home I felt physically weak in the knees and shaky.

All day there was a heavy boot pressing into the center of my chest. I cried every single time I was alone, and often when I wasn’t. For the first fe...

6 Things I Want My High School Junior to Know About This Year

A mom of a high school junior writes him a back-to-school letter.

Dear Son,

I used to count the days until the end of summer, marking the calendar until school would start and our normal routine would be restored. As a working mom, I was filled with guilt for the hot afternoons I wasn’t able to spend with you at the pool. I wished away the long summer days, feeling guilty, deluded that if you were in the classroom like all the other kids, I wasn’t shortchanging you.

Sometimes I worry that I...

Family Weekend: How to Bring Your Lofty Expectations Down to Earth

You dropped junior off at college about six weeks ago. Separating from him was challenging but on the trip home you soothed yourself with the thought that you’d be returning to campus to see him in a month or two for Parents’ Weekend or Family Weekend or whatever your school chooses to call it.

You get home and there’s a hollow kind of emptiness in your house and in your heart. You struggle with the new normal but little by little you begin to master it or even delight in some aspects of it....

Living Legacy: What I Desperately Want My Sons to Know

My father died when I was 35, a child fully grown with a family of my own. He died quickly, but not so quickly that there were not opportunities for us to express ourselves at the end. Mutual terror tied our tongues and allowed moments during which we could have been honest and brave with one another to slip away; moments during which I murmured soothing and cowardly platitudes like, “Everything will be okay,” knowing full well that things were not going to be okay.

He was brilliant with wor...