David Vienna's Blog, page 100
December 19, 2020
December 18, 2020
December 14, 2020
Why I would not survive in a post-apocalyptic world...
Survivalist: Come with me! The zombie horde draws near!
Me: Sure thing. Just let me grab my wedge pillow.
Survivalist: We must flee now!
Me: Right. It’s just that I snore and the wedge pillow helps—
Survivalist: Yeah. Okay.
Me: I’d hate for zombies to find us some night because I’m snoring.
Survivalist: I get it. Now, let’s go.
Me: And my allergy pills.
Survivalist: Hurry.
Me: Oh, and I should grab my other glasses.
Survivalist: You have your glasses.
Me: No, these are for distance. I also need my reading glasses.
Survivalist: The zombie horde—
Me: Yup. Let’s go.
Survivalist: Great. Come this… Are you wearing flip-flops?
Me: Yeah.
Survivalist: You need boots.
Me: Well, I have a whole toenail thing going on. It needs to breathe.
Survivalist: Fine. Whatever. Now, run!
Me: Can we keep it at a mosey? I get a cramp when—
Survivalist: Dear God! The zombies are upon us! Gah! I’m bitten!
Me: That reminds me, I should grab the insect repellent.
December 2, 2020
flavoracle:Earlier tonight when the kids all went upstairs to brush their teeth, my wife stood next...
Earlier tonight when the kids all went upstairs to brush their teeth, my wife stood next to me and quietly shared an experience from earlier in the day when she was going through a history lesson with our ten-year-old son.
History can be a rough subject for my son, who has a very tender heart, and his emotions are especially affected by stories of injustice.
Well, today’s lesson discussed the presidency of Andrew Jackson and his treatment towards American Indians, including the Trail of Tears.
At the end of each lesson, the student is supposed to write a letter to the central historical figure, explaining how they feel about their choices and what advice they would give that person if they could.
My wife explained that our son’s letter was very short and direct. To our nation’s seventh president, my son wrote, and I quote…
“Fuck you Andrew Jackson.”
And I’ll be damned if that kid doesn’t deserve an A+
November 30, 2020
This scene terrified me as a kid, so naturally I showed the whole film to my kids.
This scene terrified me as a kid, so naturally I showed the whole film to my kids.
November 25, 2020
strangebiology:
An early morning palm tree fire on Christmas day...
An early morning palm tree fire on Christmas day in Los Angeles.
In L.A., even real life has the best effects.
November 24, 2020
These guys turned 12 today.In those 12 years, they’ve learned how to walk, eat solid foods, do basic...
These guys turned 12 today.
In those 12 years, they’ve learned how to walk, eat solid foods, do basic math, the joy of listening to The Jam, how to play guitar and drums, how to make sushi, Fortnite marksmanship, scooter tricks, coding, editing, and how to be generally incredible humans.
Happy birthday, Boone and Wyatt. You make your mom and me better parents (and better people) every single day. We love you, you total extreme badasses.
And, uh, sorry about the lame celebration. There’s a pandemic going on.
November 22, 2020
wilwheaton:lesbianblackphillip:bonecouch:tilthat:
TIL of “Slug Bug”, an American custom in which...
via reddit.com
who the fuck calls it slug bug
tag your state and what you call it i grew up in AZ and it was slug bug
I grew up in Southern California in the 70s and 80s. We called it “Punch buggy”.
I grew up on the East Coasr and we called it “punch buggy,” too. Clearly, this unnamed American informant who calls it “slug bug” is either an imposter in our midst who learned of our culture in an espionage training session or a U.S. disinformation agent bent on the clever task of having foreign spies out themselves. If it’s the latter, god speed, soldier. If it’s the former, welcome to the jungle, motherfucker. Your ass is seen.
November 21, 2020
We hit the beach today, just to feel human for while.
We hit the beach today, just to feel human for while.
November 20, 2020
cillianmurphy:“She [my wife] too was being blackmailed by this...
“She [my wife] too was being blackmailed by this odious man who now lies dead before us. He hated my wife for the same reason that he hated all of you. He believed that you were all thoroughly …. un-American.”
CLUE (1985) dir. Jonathan Lynn
