Lindsay Detwiler's Blog, page 54

Modern Love: Prince Charming Doesn’t Exist

By: Lindsay Detwiler, author of Voice of Innocence

Lindsay Detwiler is the author of Voice of Innocence, a sweet romance published by Melange Books, LLC. She is currently a high school English teacher in Hollidaysburg, Pennsylvania, where she lives with her husband Chad, four cats, and their mastiff Henry.

Some people fall in love at a coffee shop, their eyes meeting and instantaneously telling them that they have found their match. Others meet while passing each other on the street or at the library. Love reveals itself at the mall, at work, in the produce aisle of a grocery store. It can come all at once, or it can languidly reveal itself between mutual friends. Love can transpire between two acquaintances thrown together by mutual friends or a dating website. It can come when we are young, when we are old, or anytime in between. It can come once, it can come twice, it can come more times than we can count. Love’s story is unique to each of us, despite the common core of its emotions. No two love stories are the same, despite what movies and literature may try to tell us.

For me, love revealed itself at the art table when I was twelve. True to love’s qualities, my love story is its own.

It was the first day of seventh grade, and my Cocoa Puffs were threatening to spew onto the floor from nerves. New students, new teachers, and new classes had upended my sense of calm that was usually shaky at best. Tapping my new shoes together and wishing I could fly back home, I waited for my name to be called for my seat in art class. Once in my chair, my brown eyes glanced around the room at the other faces, finding few that I recognized. That’s when I saw him. The blonde-haired, blue-eyed kid who would become my best friend, my first boyfriend, my fiancé, and eventually my husband. As fate would have it, he was seated across from me at the art table.

It wasn’t love at first sight. There weren’t angelic rays flooding onto us like a spotlight. No cheesy love song blasted from the speakers. Nonetheless, when I saw him, my twelve-year-old self knew that there was something about him. He wasn’t dressed like a model from the pages of my Seventeen magazine. He wasn’t flaunting himself or even saying a word. There was just something about him that I was drawn to, something that told him he would be important to me. That gut feeling was one hundred percent accurate, as I would soon find out.

From the beginning, Chad and I were the least likely couple you could imagine. I was Miss Goody-Two-Shoes, always saying “please” and burying my nose in a book. I was studious, serious, and rational to the core. He was free spirited, racking up detention halls as I racked up As. He cursed often, he hated school, and he hated rules. We had nothing in common other than the fact that we both played trumpet in the band and laughed at the same jokes.

Over the years, however, we found something in each other. At first, it was friendship fused by a common sense of humor and the time spent together at the art table. There was something between us, a light that ignited when we were with each other. There was an ease to our conversations, even at the young age of twelve. We brought something out in each other. He made my rigid personality lighten up, and I helped bring some seriousness and goal setting to his carefree nature. As the years passed, we continued to grow together as we grew up. Laughter turned into kisses, dates turned into proms, and “I love yous” eventually turned into an engagement ring.  We maneuvered the murky waters of adolescence together, finding that the connection merged would weather us through early adulthood as well. Many were skeptical about our relationship. Who finds their soulmate at twelve? However, we seemed to prove the naysayers wrong as we glided through our maturing relationship, always together.

Certainly there were struggles. There were immature fights over jealousy and the other nonsensical ramblings of teenagers. There were angry words and tears, broken promises and slamming doors. We fought, we thought about breaking up. We wondered if we should move on and find someone new. No matter what feelings or thoughts threatened to tear us apart, though, our love always conquered them. No matter what we faced, we always found that we faced it better together. We realized that together was our only desired option.

Now, at twenty-seven, people are amazed by our story. When we tell them that we have been each other’s “one and only” since we were twelve, we face skepticism and astonishment. In an age where you should try to “play the field,” we are an archaic trend from the past. When we got married, we had already been together for over a decade. At our wedding, our first dance was to Faith Hill’s “Just Breathe,” the song that we first danced to in junior high.

People assume that to be with one person since junior high, you must have an unbelievably perfect connection. This is far from the truth. Is our relationship roses and candles, smiles and stolen kisses? Are we living in a fantasy fairytale that is unattainable for others? The answer is a big fat no. Those who know us well know that we are not the ideal couple. We fight, and we fight often. Although our opposing personalities often help us balance each other out, they can also lead to turmoil. I am a planner, while he is free spirited. I am a saver, while he is a spender. I am meek and self-conscious at times, while he isn’t afraid to stand up for himself when he feels cheated. I worry about social appearances, while he isn’t afraid to curse in public. Our differences often lead to differences of opinion. Like any other couple, we have been tempted to throw in the towel from time to time. We push each other away, we frustrate each other, we annoy each other. Somehow, though, we always find a way to bridge the gap between us, no matter how wide it gets. For all of the bad days we’ve had, there seem to be at least twenty good ones.

Additionally, we are not perfect adults, nor do we have the picture perfect life. We eat ice cream for dinner and buy way too much candy at the grocery store. We struggle to save money, splurging on impulsive buys. We don’t have a white picket fence in front of our house; in fact, our house is covered in the decaying leaves that I have been nagging him to clean up.  I am a terrible cook, and he is a terrible handyman. Our only children have four legs. We are still working out the details and rules of this thing called adulthood.

Through it all, though, we’ve learned one thing together: love isn’t perfect. The idea that it is perfect stems from a meticulously constructed illusion that fairytales do exist in real life, that the show Once Upon a Time can actually happen. In our world, however, Prince Charming doesn’t exist, but neither does Snow White. Instead, we must realize that love is about sacrifice, about reality. It’s about finding joy in the small things together. It’s about ignoring his annoying chewing habits and him forgiving me for spending way too much on makeup. It’s about just finding something to smile about each day. It’s about deciding that our faults deserve forgiveness because at the end of the day, we’d rather fight through our struggles than throw in the towel. It’s about deciding that our history together is worthy more than giving up or trying to find something new. It’s about choosing to believe in the power of us and our story over the pull of temptation. It’s about realizing that our life together isn’t even close to being perfect, but it makes us perfectly content overall.

So no, our story isn’t all that special. We are not romantic heroes who deserve a medal for staying together so long in a fickle society. We are not blinded by an unattainable love, we are not the model marriage. We don’t have this whole thing called love or life figured out. We’re still changing, we’re still growing, and we’re still searching for ourselves.

We are, however, proof that against all odds, against the statistics and stereotypes, our generation can stay true. Despite our “short attention spans” blamed on technology and our tendency to stray, our generation can stay in a monogamous, meaningful, fulfilling relationship. We do still believe in the power of love and the possibility of experiencing life with the right person. Chad and I are not supermodels or movie stars. We are not relationship experts. We are, however, two people who found each other at a young age and invested in each other. We are two average twenty-somethings who value love, our relationship, and the life we have built together.

Above all, though, we are just a boy and a girl who fell in love at the art table in seventh grade.

Win, Win, Win! Books Up For Grabs!

Calling all summer readers! Are you going through book after book this summer? Is your wallet getting thin? Here’s your chance to win some FREE BOOKS!

Today, go to http://www.theromancereviews.com/even... and play the sizzling summer party games. You can answer a question about Voice of Innocence (hint: the answer is, of course, Henry :) ). A grand prize winner will get a $100 gift card; there are dozens of books to win, too.

Also, if you still haven’t read Voice of Innocence or just want an extra copy, enter to win an autographed copy at http://www.facebook.com/lindsayanndetwiler under the giveaway tab. The link for your phone is: http://gvwy.io/r24hfma.

Good luck!

Lindsay Detwiler, author of Voice of Innocence

Only $4.99 for the Kindle version at http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00TMX826K

Wedding Fever

From the wedding scene in Twilight to Maid of Honor to 27 Dresses, I adore wedding movies . . . almost as much as I adore actual weddings!

With some co-workers and friends getting ready to tie the knot, I’ve been thinking a lot about dressed, bridesmaids, favors, and all of the work that goes into a wedding.

Why not just elope? Many ask. And I think there is something beautiful and special to be said about eloping.

Yet for some of us, the dream of a “traditional” wedding outweighs the desire to push all of the stress and drama aside.

My own wedding had its share of drama and stress. But at the end of it all, it was perfect and beautiful in its own way.

That’s not to say it was perfect. Champagne was spilled on my dress by my new husband within ten minutes of the reception starting. I accidentally tried to put the ring on Chad’s right hand. We had no idea how to cut a cake like you see in the cute cake cutting scenes of the movies; we ended up making a huge mess that was just awkward to deal with. The DJ blew a fuse and the music stopped for ten minutes. I ordered about sixty-eight too many jello shots. It was not perfect.

But through it all, I learned a lot. In honor of wedding season, I thought I’d share my insights into wedding planning.

It’s your day.

This is nothing new. People say this all the time. But brides have a hard time following it. I did not want a veil. I hated them. David’s Bridal tried to pressure me into one. Acquaintances were stunned when they asked what my veil looked like and I said nonexistent.

I almost doubted myself, thinking at the last second that I should get one, but I didn’t. And guess what? I’m glad I didn’t. No regrets. At the end of the day, listen to your gut.

Invest in an amazing photographer, no matter the cost.

Our photographer was terrible. Of the whole day, there is not one nice, close up shot of just Chad and I. Not one. Isn’t that ridiculous? We waited until the last second to book a photographer, focusing on food and music more heavily. Now we regret it.

It’s not always about the details.

We wanted to keep the price down, so we cut out details. We did not have huge centerpieces; we used the ones that were already at the reception site. We did not have a limo to drive us the few miles from the church to the reception; everyone got there just fine. So many costs are just excessive; details can be cut. No one will notice.

There will be no shows.

I was shocked when I realized that there were about ten people who said they were coming . . .and then didn’t show up. But I’ve learned from talking to others that this is common, and it’s okay. The people who are most important to you will be there. That’s all that matters.

All of the stuff you stress about really doesn’t matter.

At the end of the day, as I told you, we had a lot of issues. Our wedding wasn’t perfect. But looking back, all of that is overshadowed by what the whole day was about . . .starting our lives together and celebrating it with people we loved the most. No one thinks about our wedding and is like, “What? The centerpieces weren’t customized?” The fact that the DJ blew a fuse is funny now. At the end of the day, it will be what it will be. But no matter what it is, it will be a day of memories, a day of fun, and a day of great stories. If something happens, just laugh it off. It could always be worse, and at least you’ll have an amazing story.

Enjoy the process.

You hopefully only get one wedding. I don’t know why, but people tend to get nasty and controlling when it comes to wedding. Let them try. At the end of the day, you are calling the shots, you are in charge, and you need to have fun. If someone wants to ruin that, then gently push them aside as discreetly as possible. Surround yourself with people who will help you make choices, who will laugh with you as you partake in ridiculous wedding crafts, and who will be there to help you through any wedding day crisis. For me, that was my Mom and Chad.

Pinterest!

I didn’t have pinterest before my wedding, but I wish I did. There are so many beautiful ideas that are affordable and memorable. I love the idea of the argument box; you nail shut a box with a bottle of wine and loving letters you wrote to each other at the reception. Then, on your first major fight, you crack it open. How cute!

Hey brides to be, any questions we can help with? Ask away!

I Wish More People Knew . . .

~No one’s house is ever actually spotless (everyone jams stuff in the closet when people are coming over)

~Cats are amazing, especially when rescued from the Humane Society

~Not everyone’s life is perfect.

~We can’t change the world, but it’s okay to try.

~Teaching is really tough. Amazing and worth it, but tough.

~Being an author doesn’t mean you’re a millionaire. Trust me.

~Writing isn’t about fame. It’s about telling a story because you feel like you have to. It’s about feeling like characters are real and having to share them with the world.

~It’s okay to eat ice cream for dinner.

~Calorie counting sucks for everyone. No one enjoys eating carrots and lettuce. No one.

~Crop tops are hideous. Leave a little mystery. Please.

~I love my mastiff. A lot. So no, his slobber doesn’t bother me. And no, I don’t care if it bothers you.

~Local shops are the best. I adore Allegheny Coffee and The Black Dog. Support local businesses.

~How awesome Liane Moriarty is. So what if she swears a lot. She rocks.

~That Tijuana Flats is delicious. It was devastating when ours closed.

~Designer shoes are overrated. Target’s shoes rock and are super cheap on clearance.

~Animal testing is atrocious. Many great products are committing to cruelty free. Buy these instead.

Anything you want to add to the list? Feel free!

1,000 Words? Really?

I cringe while typing this excessively overdone cliché (and I suppose that was excessively redundant . . .but I had to make my point): A Picture’s Worth a Thousand Words.

Now I am not a professional photographer, so I tend to disagree. Few of my pictures could even be put anywhere near Nat Geo or any other professional publication. Writing? 1000 words? That sounds way more doable to me.

Nonetheless, I got to thinking about this cliché. There are pictures in my vault (aka my computer) that are worth a thousand words to me. Just one glimpse makes me smile, makes me reminisce, makes me happy.

So for today’s blog, I’ll just be sharing pictures. No lofty words, no luxurious descriptions. Just some low quality pictures that aren’t even impressive; however, to me, they say everything.

After glancing at my photos and feeling better about your own photography skills or photogenic nature, feel free to leave a picture in the comments that is your favorite, a picture that speaks to you :)

Inspiration for Voice of Innocence

Wondering how I got the idea for Voice of Innocence? Check out my video below.

What I Learned About Writing From Soap Operas

As a teacher, summer is a time to recharge, to relax, and to read. It’s a time to lounge on the deck, catch up with friends, and hang out with Henry.

It’s also a time for soap operas.

Without the strain of forty hours in the classroom, I have the time to pursue my guilty pleasure: The Young and the Restless and the Bold and the Beautiful.

I have watched soap operas for as long as I can remember. In high school, my mom and I made soap operas our lunch time tradition. Over the summers when I was off school, we would sit in front of the television with a chicken salad, a cup of coffee, and dessert. We would get lost in the adventures of Genoa City’s finest.

Many criticize soap operas for being cheesy, predictable, and terrible examples of writing.

I disagree.

As a writer of women’s fiction, I’ve learned a lot from these storylines that I watch everyday.

Sometimes predictable can be okay

The obvious foreshadowing in soap operas often allows us to know that Sharon and Dylan will end up together before they even really see each other. We know that a killer will emerge, that someone will be kidnapped, etc. The dramatic irony in the soap operas leads many to complain about how obvious the show is. But ask any viewer, and they will tell you they don’t mind. Soap operas have shown me that sometimes it’s okay if your reader or viewer knows what’s coming. Sometimes it’s about the emotional delivery, the character development, and what happens afterward that matters.

Backstory is important

I’ve always been impressed by how the writers of the soap operas can keep track of decades of complicated relationships, histories, and connections without making a mistake. I’ve learned that if they can do that for years on end for dozens of characters, I can manage to keep the backstory straight for a single novel.

Dialogue is everything

There isn’t description in a soap opera; all of the character development comes from interactions with others and dialogue. Watching soap operas has helped me understand the dynamic of genuine dialogue and how to play with it to reveal characterization.

Everyone deserves to be happy at some point

There aren’t any bad luck Bryans in the soap operas; everyone finds someone or something to hand on to at some point in the story. Even the unlikable characters end up finding Mr. or Mrs. Right, at least for a period of time. Every character deserves at least a sliver of happiness.

That same happiness can’t last forever

If there weren’t any tragedies or losses, the soap operas would truly be cheesy. No one can keep a fake smile painted on forever. Characters need to face hard times so that we can relate to them, sympathize with them, and even value them.

Who Wants To Win a FREE Summer Read?

I don’t know about you, but ever since the sun has been hitting my deck, my cash has been draining from my wallet into Barnes & Noble. I can’t stop buying books!

So, in spirit of summer, I thought I’d sponsor a giveaway starting today on Facebook! Enter to win by visiting my author page on Facebook. There are three ways to enter. One winner will get a free signed copy of Voice of Innocence! The contest ends June 30th, so hurry up and enter for your chance to win a free beach read/poolside read/or sitting on my couch in the air conditioning read! While you’re there, please like and share my page!

Visit: http://www.facebook.com/lindsayanndetwiler to enter

Goodbye To Aloha

Bradley Cooper. Emma Stone. Rachel McAdams.

The cast of Aloha made me want to see the movie, made me feel like I would fall in love with this quirky romantic comedy. The previews sold it to me: a man whose life has fallen apart has to decide if he wants to pursue a second chance with his past love (Rachel McAdam’s character) or pursue a new love (Emma Stone’s character). Love triangle set in Hawaii? Sounds awesome.

And then the movie started. From the first few minutes until the last, I felt complete and utter disappointment. I wanted to find a silver lining (allusion to Bradley Cooper’s wonderful role with Jennifer); I never did. There were so many ridiculous flaws with this movie. I laughed throughout it, but not for the right reasons. There was nothing genuinely funny about the movie; the pure cheesiness, predictability, and terrible character building made it laughable in all the wrong ways.

Foremost, the characters were terribly developed. Bradley Cooper’s voice starts the movie, simply telling us tons of backstory. The backstory is confusing, especially for someone unfamiliar with NASA or the Air Force. The character’s had quirks, from finger flipping to being silent to being overly talkative. However, all of these quirks were way overdone, making each character very flat and cheesy. I did not fall in love with any of them. I couldn’t connect with them because their story was simply stated. The big “reconnection scene” was simply the two characters literally admitting they loved each other. No build up, no development. So it just felt tacky.

The plot was confusing if you are not in the Air Force. Half the time, I didn’t know what was actually happening because of characters mumbling or them using inside jargon/jokes that the audience wasn’t clued in about. The whole plot was very strange and hard to connect with.

The movie just kept getting worse. There was a “funny” dance scene thrown in like every other romantic comedy—except it wasn’t funny. The love story was nonexistent because I just never got invested in the characters or their relationships.

Overall, I was so sad about this movie being a flop. I felt like the movie director just threw in scenes to make it marketable. It felt like the whole thing was just trying too hard to reach the level of the other greats. It never came close.

As a writer, I totally get how hard it is to write a story that is relatable yet different. I never like to criticize someone’s work, but I also have to be honest. Thus, I give this movie a one out of five star, and that is truly generous.

Stephen King On Writing

Stephen King On Writing by Stephen King

My rating: 5 of 5 stars

“Let’s get one thing clear right now, shall we? There is no Idea Dump, no Story central, no Island of the Buried Bestsellers; good story ideas seem to come quite literally from nowhere, sailing at you right out of the empty sky…” (37).

I picked up On Writing by Stephen King because when I looked up “best books on writing,” it was the most commonly suggested. I wasn’t sure if it would help; I write in the women’s fiction genre, a bit different from King’s genre to say the least. However, I thought I would give it a try. After all, I figured King had something to say about writing since he is so successful.

This book is, in actuality, a godsend. King’s frank, no fluff approach is direct and helpful. He gave me many things to think about as a new author. I love how he covered his own path to writing in the beginning of the book. He talks about all of his rejections and how rocky his start was in writing. This gave me hope for my own career. He also talks about the idea of the writer’s toolbox. He gives his ideas on everything from character development to description. I definitely learned many things that I will be applying when I write my next novel. I especially liked how he wrote, “Description begins in the writer’s imagination, but should finish in the reader’s.” This is an interesting approach to description in which King talks about not overdoing it; by giving only the necessary details about a character or scene, you enhance the opportunity for the reader to connect. I had never thought about it like this.

King unapologetically gives his strong opinions on what works and what doesn’t. There are some elements I disagree with. There are times that King comes off as a bit arrogant in his approach to writing; however, with his success in writing, I suppose he has a right to be a bit overly confident. Nonetheless, I would like to see recognition from him that his approach is not the end all, be all of writing.
Despite this criticism, the overall book is an insightful look into the mind of a successful writer. King helped me think about focusing on the storyline, overcoming rejection, and the true meaning of being a writer. I love his quote that says that writing “is about enriching the lives of those who will read your work, and enriching your own life, as well.”

I would recommend this book if you are considering a writing career or have one in the works. This book, at the very least, will help you determine your own writing philosophies and strengthen some of your writing skills.

View all my reviews