Lindsay Detwiler's Blog, page 52

What Scares Me the Most

With a title like that, it sounds like I’m going to be all poetic and flowery.

I’m not. This post is literally just about fear.

Writers like Stephen King have made successful careers out of exploring fear. Fear comes in so many shapes and forms. Fear can take on traditional forms, like chainsaw-wielding crazy people murdering. It can take on the forms of ghosts and the paranormal. Or it can take on more mundane, odd tendencies that phobias stem from.

Fear is different for each of us. Scientists tell us that fear is a remnant of our primitive days when we needed to be afraid in order to survive.

Fear is such a crucial emotion for writers to understand. We have to know how fear motivates our characters, how it interacts with our readers, and how it can drive plot.

It isn’t always easy owning up to our fears, but it is essential, whether we be a reader or writer. So, with that in mind, here are the things that scare me the most:

Needles! Big time! As in ugly crying over a shot, even as an adult.
Especially jumping ones.
Heights: cue Ferris wheel panic attack
Tornados, even though we don’t get like any where we live
Death: If we’re honest, aren’t we all a little afraid of the unknown?

So in honor of fear confessions, what are your biggest fears? Fess up below :)

My new lip obsession

I just hit the outlets in Delaware and my dreams came true…a Bare Mineral Outlet!! And all of the kits were 30%off! I snagged a cream eyeshadow, radiance,  6 lip products, and an eye shadow quad foe 36 bucks. The lip quickie is my new favorite product…a two colors in one balm that lasts but doesn’t dry. Love!

Voice of Innocence

In the depths of the night, though, I am forced to be honest with myself. Corbin isn’t just a fling from the past, a symbol of who I was in a distant history. Corbin is me. Corbin has shaped me into the woman I have become. Everything I am, everything I had been, is related to our relationship. Some of those elements are positive, and many are certainly negative, stemming from the tragedy we had endured. Regardless, though, Corbin is as integral a part of myself as my own soul. If I am being candid, he is still an ever-present part of my heart, shaping my emotions even though he isn’t around. Time has not stretched our love thin to the point of cracking. Time has simply solidified the fact that our love was real. And now I am faced with the question of what all of this means for us, for our future that we never thought was a possibility. Where do we go from here?

Voice of Innocence is available at: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00TMX826Kht...

Summer Reading

All you need is some sand between

your toes and a good book! Buy Voice of Innocence, a story of first love and passion that doesn’t fade with time.  Click on the Amazon link at the top of the page to buy for only 4.99. Be sure to check out http://www.facebook.com/lindsayanndetwiler for book trailers and a giveaway!

A reset on the soul= a refreshed writer

There’s truly nothing like some sand, salt water, and sun to hit reset on one’s overloaded psyche. . .and a little DQ ice cream

never hurts either. Here’s to hoping that a few days in the surf will pay off with a refreshed sense of creativity next week . . .or at least a slight tan. Happy summer!

Out On a Limb: Beauty Trends I Want to Master

I am a writer, a teacher, a bookworm, and a crazy cat lady. But there’s one more title I could add to the list—I’m a beauty product addict.

I love trying new creams for my face, new products for my hair. I’m always looking for that one special something to take my looks to the next level.

So in honor of my vow for self-betterment over the summer months, here are the top beauty trends I hope to perfect this summer. If you have any suggestions or tips, please share! I need all the help I can get (especially on #3, which frightens me just thinking about it)

Winged Eyeliner

Every time I try it, I end up looking like I have two differently set eyes. Or like  I got punched.

Bright Red Lips

When I put on my red lips, my husband asks if I’m ready for Bingo (the odd man associates red lips with older women . . .who knows). I want to get that perfect hue that makes me look trendy but not ghoulish.

 

Contouring

I’ve seen the videos, and I’m a believer. I have basically no cheekbones to speak of thanks to a round face (and probably a few too many cookies). However, I am terrified that I’ll look like a frightening Halloween mask instead of the perfect supermodel face I want. I don’t think there are enough youtube videos out there to make me believe in myself.

Eyebrow filling in

I feel like my terminology is off, but you get the point. I’ve had razor thin eyebrows since junior high. But now I’ve been seeing more distinct brows. I want to have the face-framing glory of a thicker brow without looking like I drew a line on my face.

Beachy Waves

My hair is finally getting long enough that waves are a possibility. But everytime I try, I either look like a frizzy, puffy mess or a poodle.

So maybe by the end of summer, after your suggestions and help, I’ll be a beachy-waved blogger with a perfectly contoured face, red lips, a winged eye-liner, and some envy-inducing eyebrows.

A girl can dream, right?

 

Lindsay Detwiler, author of Voice of Innocence

@LindsayDetwiler

www.facebook.com/lindsananndetwiler

What I Know to Be True…Father’s Day Edition

My father, Ken Keagy: a stoic man, a self-proclaimed realist, an animal lover. He is not the sentimental, “it’ll all be okay” kind of guy. He is a tell-it-like-it-is, rational, sometimes so honest that it hurts kind of guy. He can fix just about anything. He loves his motorcycle. He is talkative, loves the Penguins, often gets brain freezes from eating his ice cream too fast, and loves Rocky movies. He swears the 80s are the best decade and claims that Smart Phones are pretty stupid (even though he now has one).

As a teenager, I cried many times over my dad’s “the truth hurts” mentality. He never sugarcoated anything. As an adult, however, I now know what a valuable gift my father gave me through all of the years. His honesty, his push for me to face the truth no matter how harsh, has made me the person I am today. I have learned so much from my dad.

One of our favorite stories about my dad comes from when I was in Kindergarten. Distraught because my “friends” were mad at me, I came home crying. While my mom coddled me and told me it would be fine, my dad simply said, “Well, you don’t have any friends. No one does, not really.” At five-years-old, this truth was just too much to handle. By junior high, though, I got what my dad was saying. Your only best friend truly is yourself. No one in life will have your back at every second or always be looking out for you. You have to learn to be independent, be confident in who you are, and learn to live for yourself to an extent. Sure, we have friends . . .but we have to learn to be our own best friends if we want to live a truly fulfilled life.

Second, I learned how to write. In elementary school, I can remember my dad sitting down with me and reviewing my essays. True to his “realist” nature, he would tell me when my essay was terrible. He would tell me when I was using too many “empty” words or writing about a boring topic. Some parents would see this as too harsh, but I am now so thankful that he told me the truth. By telling me when my essay sucked and helping me fix it, he taught me to grow as a writer. I don’t think I would have ever published my first novel if I hadn’t learned these skills.

My dad also taught me to be humble. He always loved the movie Good Will Hunting because of the lesson it taught. He would always tell me that no matter how hard I work, there will always be someone out there who is smarter or better or faster than me at whatever it is I’m pursuing . . .that someone maybe just didn’t have the same opportunities as me. This has always stuck with me and reminded me that I should never “look down” on anyone or think I’m the best. Now, my dad’s not a classic literature kind of guy, but his advice essentially matches that from The Great Gatsby: “In my younger and more vulnerable years my father gave me some advice that I’ve been turning over in my mind ever since.”Whenever you feel like criticizing any one,” he told me, “just remember that all the people in this world haven’t had the advantages that you’ve had.”

Most importantly, my dad taught me that you don’t have to have a trust fund to be giving. You don’t have to give millions to help out. I can remember countless times that my dad spent his weekend in the garage to help a friend or someone in need fix a car. He basically only charged for parts. I can remember being in the grocery store when an elderly lady was crying because she couldn’t afford her food. My dad pulled out what was left in his wallet to help cover what she was missing . . .which was only $7. I asked why my dad hadn’t given her more when he said that was all he had.  I realized that $7 meant more than a million in this situation, as did the woman who received it. I’ve always remembered that I can help others, no matter what my financial status is.

My dad’s realism and honesty has helped shape me into the person I am. I learned to value education and family above everything. I learned that to live a happy life, you have to work hard and earn it. I learned to be a planner, to rationalize every decision, and to look both ways before crossing the street. I learned that sometimes life is harsh, but you just have to deal with it. I learned that it’s better to save money now than to need it and not have it later. I learned that some of us will just never be mechanically inclined and, in that case, make sure you live within driving distance of your father. I learned that even though Bull Terriers are a handful, they are worth it.

I learned that life is tough and you don’t really have any friends sometimes . . .but in those times, you can always count on your father to pull you through (after he reminds you that life is harsh and you don’t always have friends).

Thanks dad, for all you have taught me. (Mom, I hope you show this to him since he refuses to read blogs).

Things We’re Afraid To Say

Why are we so afraid to be honest these days? Why are we so afraid to tell it like it is? I get being sensitive to others, but for some things, it’s just better to be honest.

Things we’re afraid to say . . .

I love you.

Having met my husband at twelve, this one was never an issue for me. But so many people struggle with this. I suppose I understand. Love is a deep emotion, and there’s no going back once it’s on the table. Once you admit to loving someone, you are just ripping your chest open, giving that other person the opportunity to shred your heart to pieces. But I think the old saying, “Nothing risked, nothing gained,” applies here. Love is painful and difficult . . .but it is also beautiful and breathtaking.

I don’t love you anymore.

We live in a fairytale world sometimes where the prince and princess live happily ever after, no matter what. I think that if you study enough about human nature, you’ll realize this isn’t the case. This sounds crazy coming from a romance writer, but I pride myself on being a realistic romance writer. There aren’t always happy endings; love can’t overcome every obstacle in life. If it could, there wouldn’t be divorce. So I think sometimes we have to understand as a society that people change, passions change, and sometimes you have to admit this. Love is a big piece of living a fulfilling life. When that love changes, I think we owe it to ourselves to admit it.

No, your haircut doesn’t look flattering.

Or that shirt doesn’t look nice on you. Or no, that eyeshadow isn’t awesome. As women especially, we are so afraid of hurting each other’s feelings sometimes. I think it’s wonderful to build each other up. But I also hope that my friends and family value me enough to tell me the truth. My mom is my best friend, and I know I can count on her to tell me that my eyeshadow choice is atrocious or my hair looks manly. She tells me when a dress makes my hips look huge or when I need to hit the gym. This doesn’t destroy my confidence; in fact, it does the opposite. I know I can count on her opinion to help make me my best self.

No.

I pride myself on being a modern woman, the anti-1950s housewife. I am strong willed, I am opinionated, I am career oriented. I can’t bake an apple pie to save my life.

Yet remnants of our past culture still haunt us if you ask me. There’s still this “yes” motto of women. We are afraid to be considered unhelpful or selfish or witchy. I think that the “yes” mantra goes along with that. If someone wants me to do something or to go somewhere for them, I feel pure guilt saying no, even if I don’t want to. I feel like I say yes to every favor asked of me, every invitation just because I feel like it would be rude to say no.  I think that it goes back to living for yourself. It is not selfish to think of what you want in life. Life is too short to live solely to serve other people. So next time your friend says, “Hey, can you do this one thing for me?” and you really can’t do it, just say no. End of story.

The Girl on the Train

I get it, I get . . .it’s summer and unless you’re an English teacher or a true bookworm, you probably don’t feel like reading.  But you should!

To save your reading stamina for novels instead of wordy English teacher’s book reviews (see below if you like wordy reviews), I decided to make a video. A few minutes and a desire to know about Paula Hawkins The Girl on the Train required . . .no reading!

Lindsay Detwiler, author of Voice of Innocence

Fashion Purgatory: Dressing For Success in Your Twenties

In your teens, there’s no question when it comes to shopping—anything goes, as long as mom and dad approve. You go into the store, you hit the Junior’s section, and you’re done. You’re in a land of belonging, a land where everything can be yours. When your mom suggests that you look at a nice shirt she found in women’s . . .well, you turn up your nose and scoff at her ridiculousness. Juniors is your kingdom; you wouldn’t be caught dead in those old lady clothes.

And then somewhere around twenty-ish, the real world sets in. Maybe it’s when you get out of high school and you’re faced with an office job that bans holey jeans and spaghetti strap shirts. Or maybe it’s after your sweatpants days in college when you realize you have to play dress up to get the job.

One day, you’re easing right through life in your sweats and graphic tees. And then, one day, you can’t.

So you traverse into the land of no return, the big girl section. You head over to women’s. You need to look sassy, like the business professionals on television. Sexy pencil skirts, the perfectly crisp collared shirt underneath a sassy blazer. Sexy shoes, the perfect jewelry. You’ve got it all mapped out in your mind.

There’s just one problem.

There isn’t a section for you, a twenty-something with places to be. There isn’t a magical land where everything you grab is age appropriate. There isn’t a section of clothing for twenty-somethings who want to look more professional than the juniors section but aren’t quite ready for gummy waisted pants.

You have nowhere you belong anymore.

I must say that stores are getting slightly better at bridging the immeasurable distance between juniors fashion and, shall we call it, fashion of the elderly. Sure, you can find a lot of perfect work wear online if you’ve got hundreds of dollars to spend on an outfit. But for those of us wallowing in student loans, car payments, and impending mortgages, it can be difficult to look like a million bucks in professional attire without spending it.

I still feel like I don’t quite have the whole professional workwear in your twenties thing figured out. I still struggle between looking like a conservative lady going to church and a sixteen-year-old wannabe on a daily basis. But I think I’m getting better. With the help of a few affordable stores, I’ve started walking the fine line that is required when you’re a twenty-something career woman. Below, some tips I’ve picked up.

Kohls

First of all, Kohls has great coupons. If you have a charge, you can get 30% off codes that can be used on everything. They’re also great about stacking coupons, so I always get great deals. I love that they have three women’s sections . . .women’s, petites, and a section for, shall we say, more mature women. Their new lines seem aimed at the professional working woman in her twenties and thirties. If you browse, you can find Daisy Fuentes, Elle, Lauren Conrad, and Vera Wang styles that work for work or for going out. Plus, I highly recommend their Apartment Nine dress pants. The modern fit are the perfect middle ground between the obscenely low juniors dress pants and the high-waisted granny pants.

JC Penney’s

Work wear at JC Penney’s is difficult because it doesn’t hit that sweet spot between youthful and mature. However, if you’re looking for casual wear or you work in a lower-key environment, the A.N.A. line is perfect for you. Plain and classic, the clothes in this line are comfortable, simple, yet fun when paired with the right accessories.

H&M

H&M is a great online option if you’re looking for affordable. Plus, they do carry options that work for a professional look. I have snagged shirts for work for anywhere between $5 and $10. Sometimes, they even run free shipping. Their shirts seem to run a tad bigger, so you can probably go down a size from what you would typically buy.

Maurices

Although this store is aimed at teens, they have wonderful options for professional attire. Their dress pants are amazing in fit. Plus, they also run a size bigger, and I have to admit it feels wonderful buying a size smaller than I usually would. They also have some nice, dressy shirts that are appropriate but youthful. I get so many compliments when I wear one of my shirts from here. They are pricier, but if you have a store nearby, head straight for the back. They often have excellent sale racks where you can snag some great deals.

Lindsay Detwiler, author of Voice of Innocence

@LindsayDetwiler

www.facebook.com/lindsananndetwiler

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00TMX826K

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