M. Leighton's Blog
November 15, 2019
The many…names of Michelle?
If you’ve followed me much at all over the last 5 years or so, you’re probably aware of my struggles with writing and life and…well, pretty much everything since my dad died in late 2015. For a while, all I could write was sad. Then I tried to go back to romance, loved it for a second, then had to write something dark. Then I tried to go back to romance again, loved it for another second, then had to write something dark again. Then I couldn’t write at all. For so long it scared me. But finally I made myself write and finish a book. It was short and it was a romance, but it broke that cycle of start-and-never-finish so that I could at least tell a whole story again. After that, I wrote another couple of various stories and then, for the first time, I penned a comedy. It’s in the form of a series of funny romantic mysteries that feature a woman named Lucky, who is probably my favorite heroine. But more importantly, those stories brought me back to a kind of writing that’s fun. I lost that for a long, long time.
Looking back, I think the best comparison I could make would be that this was almost like having an identity crisis, only I’m not a teenager anymore. LOL The end result, however, is starting to take shape. I feel more grounded and steady than I have in years and years. And I’ve published books with certain flavors along the way, most recently under different names. They all have my voice and my style, and I love them all in different ways. They’re like different sides of me, sides I’d say we all have. We all go through things and those things change us. And we all go through different seasons, too. Dark seasons, troubled seasons, light seasons. Seasons of growth, seasons of stagnation, seasons of change. Only, for those of us who have any kind of public job, much of that takes place in a very UNprivate setting. LOL So many of you have gotten to experience the insanity with me. Poor you:)
Anyway, I wanted to take a minute to link you to my different names. I haven’t tried to hide them, but I’ve never really promoted them either. I’ve been working on me and my writing and my life too much to focus on that. But many of you have pointed out that you’ve missed releases, and I’m really sorry about that. Marketing has never been a great love of mine to begin with, and during a time like this even less so. However, I’m certainly willing to try, and this was my first step toward remedying both the silence and the confusion:)
I chose a book from each name to link you to. There are more, of course; I just needed a place to start. And if you did, too, then here you go. First is a list of just the book title and author name. Click on either to get to the book or to that pen name’s website. Below that are the book descriptions, again with links to both the book and the pen name website. Purchase links go to Amazon, but many are available widely, so you can search on iTunes, Barnes and Noble, and Kobo for them. Hopefully, you’ll find whatever you might be looking for there, but as always, if you have any questions at all, feel free to holler at me. m.leighton.books@gmail.com (going with this one simply for ease)
THE BEAUTIFUL NOW by M. Leighton (romance) Amazon
RIGHT NEXT DOOR by Leah Montgomery (psychological thriller) Amazon
LUCKY AND THE FALLING FELON by Emmy Grace (funny romantic mystery) Amazon
ROMANCE
The Beautiful Now by M. Leighton
Dane James worked my stepfather’s fields. He was the boy next door.
Strong.
Hardworking.
Forbidden.
From the moment we met, we were star-crossed lovers—always wanting, never having. We loved each other for most of our lives, but right from the beginning destiny had other plans. She knew we would fall in love. She knew we would fall apart. Over and over again, like the curse of a recurring nightmare. Or the hope of a familiar dream.
Our past was tumultuous. Our future was bleak. But the one thing we always had was the beautiful now.
Until that was taken from us, too.
PSYCHOLOGICAL THRILLER
Right Next Door by Leah Montgomery
John and Marcy Stanley moved to The Coves for the quiet life. When the two meet the couple next door, they think they’ve struck neighbor gold. Jill and Marcy become fast friends, but It isn’t until Marcy receives an ominous letter that she begins to suspect Jill’s husband, Mark of hiding something.
Something dark.
Something violent.
Shannon Vogle was the victim of an elaborate kidnapping. After being set free, she becomes obsessed with finding the man who took her.
Who tortured her.
Who changed her.
Both women want answers.
Both are determined to get them.
Neither is prepared for what she will find.
FUNNY AND ROMANTIC MYSTERY
Lucky and the Falling Felon by Emmy Grace
Lucky Boucher never has to go looking for trouble. Trouble finds her just fine all on its own.
What do a dead guy, a stolen pig, and night vision goggles have in common?
In this case, me.
Hi, I’m Annabelle Boucher, but everyone calls me Lucky. Despite my nickname, I’m a magnet for trouble. I can get myself into more jams and pickles than ants at a picnic. My most recent predicament involves being nearly killed by a dead body then finding a note that implicates me in the murder. My only option is to find the killer and clear my name. Fortunately, I have the help of a surly ex FBI agent, a 102-year-old mobster that looks like Mrs. Claus, and my wacky menagerie of rescue animals.
Many of my stories begin with me doing something “inadvisable” and end with me catching a criminal. This one is no different. But you’ll soon learn that, with me, the middle is where things always get interesting.
I hope among these books you’ll find many, many that you love. It’s so important and so fulfilling for me to share my stories with you. There’s more than a little of my heart in each one, and if you read enough of them, you’ll see it more and more clearly. You can probably see me grow not only as a writer, but as a human being as well, as God molds and shapes me into who He wants me to be. I hope you enjoy the ride and the exploration as much as I (mostly) have:) hehe No pain, no gain, right?
Happy reading!
October 30, 2019
The struggle is real. For everyone
I’ve been quiet lately. Partly because I’m writing under two other names, and partly because I’ve had a lot going on in my personal life. That’s the part that I want to address here.
Among many other things, I’ve been struggling with jaw pain since June. It came and went at first, and since there was no tooth pain, the dentist thought it was muscular. I have TMJ and I tend toward being a tense person (DUH, right? LOL), so I keep those muscles on their toes. But then about three weeks ago, the pain got to a pretty severe point. It woke me up many a night. My doctor mentioned something called Trigeminal Neuralgia, something not tooth or muscle related at all, but a neurological disorder that is probably one of the scariest things I’ve come across (and I used to be a nurse). Basically, it’s facial pain that can be excruciating, gets worse over time, and never goes away. Those few facts alone make it terrifying. I mean, the pain was overwhelming at times and to think of looking forward to a lifetime of that was…daunting. Horrifying. A little hopeless. And, a few times, a lot hopeless. But here’s the thing. I believe that God allows everything for a reason, and no matter how scary something is, I believe that He will give us grace for it and that He will use it not only for our good, but to bring Him glory. Does that provide comfort at all times? No. We are human. We still have feelings. Down days. Weak days. Hopeless days. But the bottom line is that I DO have hope. I have THE hope. The hope that Jesus died to give me. And I’ve been clinging to that something fierce.
I ended up having a root canal. The endodontist believes that was the cause of the pain, but there’s still a little niggle of fear in me that I’m trying so, so hard to beat down. I don’t have to live in fear. That’s a mindset, like everything else. I truly hope I don’t have TN, but I am praying that whatever happens in my life, now and later, God will help me to do it right. To still be kind and joyful and hopeful and productive. To be a light in a dark, dark world. And if by His grace and healing I DON’T have TN, I can already say for sure that this time and experience and scare has made me realize several very important things. One of which is that everyone around us, everyone we meet or see at the store or spot on the sidewalk, is going through something. Some of them may be in a kind of pain or fear or hopelessness that we won’t ever have to know. And I hope we don’t. But the thing is, they deserve my, OUR kindness. Our compassion. Our sincere words and smiles and any help we can give them. This has stirred up something in me that I hate wasn’t alive to begin with—a deep and profound sympathy for all those who hurt. In their bodies, in their souls, in their hearts. I pray for all those suffering that you find peace and comfort and HOPE. And I pray that if I can bring some kind of ease to your life, that God will lead me to do exactly that. That’s one of the big takeaways for me. I want my life to matter to people other than me. I want to help, to heal, to lighten, to uplift. To do good. To be good. A legacy is a tricky thing, and it’s something we can view all wrong. The kind of legacy that I want to leave is one of hope and love and light, one where people will remember that I helped or offered a kind word or made them feel like everything would be alright. We all need that so desperately. We need it to come to us, but I think we equally need to BE that for others. I want to step outside my own worries and concerns and interests and see others. Really see them. And reach out a hand. To me, that’s how we live a life that matters. That’s the kind of legacy that I want to live.
I know this post is probably a hot mess. It’s really hard to put so much emotion into a short blog post, but I want to make sure to end with this. There is hope. There is always hope. Let’s be love and light and life for each other. Imagine what a better place the world could be if we make loving others, helping others our top priority. It won’t be easy, and I may fail more than I succeed, but I’m going to try. And, Lord willing, at the end of my road, I’ll have succeeded more than I’ll have failed.
November 18, 2018
Tequila High- the real story
If you follow me, you may know some of what I’m about to share. I’m not going to tell you the description of the story or post teasers or try to sell you a book. I’m a terrible salesperson. That’s the one aspect of this job that I truly do NOT like. But that’s not what I’m doing here anyway. Today, I want to tell you why I love this book, why it’s important, and why it released today.
November 18. My father’s birthday. He would’ve been 81 years old today. As many of you know, he passed away in December of 2015. I was devastated, as most would expect. I thought I grieved like everyone else, but what I didn’t think was that his death would so utterly change my life. I mean, I knew it would be different, that there would be an empty place in my heart for the rest of my days, but I didn’t expect for it to touch and disrupt every single area of my existence the way it did.
It started with my first book after he died. It was called The Empty Jar. It was cathartic in ways I’m still coming to understand. I thought that would be it, that would be all I needed to move forward. I thought wrong. That book marked the time when I would, for a while, be unable to write romance at all. So I wrote several suspense type books instead, and another heartbreaking one, and then late in 2016 I returned to romance with Levi’s Blue. At that point, I thought that book was it. I thought I was fixed again.
Again, I was wrong.
God had other plans.
Over the course of 2017, I would lose my ability to finish a book. I tweaked and polished a book I’d previously started, called The Beautiful Now, and I’d go on in 2018 to polish a suspense book I’d previously written called The Way We Burn. Over the fourteen months between August of 17 and October 18, I would start and stop almost two dozen books. In the 8 years that I’ve been writing, I’ve never experienced writer’s block.
Now, I have.
Y’all, I was terrified. I was discouraged. I was depressed. I was ashamed. I ran the gamut of emotions. I’d be elated when I started a new book, thinking it would be THE one, only to find that words just dry up somewhere between 10 and 20 thousand words, and I would come crashing down. In the summer of 18, I would get 30 thousand into one book, only to have my computer crash and lose it. It was like God was pushing me away from what I’ve thought for years was my calling.
And I believe He was.
I believe that over the course of the last nearly 3 years, God has torn me down to the studs and rebuilt me from the ground up. He has tested my faith, my trust, my commitment, my resolve, and my limits. He has tweaked everything from the way I spend my mornings and my nights, to the things I eat and how I treat my body. He has introduced me to some wonderful people and reminded me why, ultimately, He gave me this dream job. He has tried me on every front. Or at least it feels that way. There were several points along the way when I really began to wonder if my life would ever be the same again. Or even something I could call “normal” again.
And then…
Then in late September of this year, I sat down to write a new story that had caught my creative attention. It was the push and pull of the characters that really intrigued me. A girl resistant to someone she was attracted to, and a guy too stubborn to let her resist for long. I loved their struggle, so I wrote. And I prayed. And I wrote some more. And I prayed some more. That book was called Tequila High.
I didn’t announce the release until I was close enough to being finished that I knew I would make it. That’s why it has been a short, rushed release period. It isn’t the longest book I’ve ever written either, but you know what? I finished it. I started it and I finished it, and now it’s out in the world. One of my most significant book birthdays in my career. It is also one of my favorites for all of the reasons above. It marks the day that I feel like I came full circle. I’m not at all the person I was when all this started on December 4, 2015. I miss my dad more than I could explain, but I know he would be so pleased to know that losing him could be the catalyst to turn me into who I’ve become. Y’all might not see the difference, but it’s there. It’s there in every cell, every fiber of my being. I’m different. I know things about myself, about life, about God that I never would’ve known otherwise. For that alone, I can’t regret a single moment of the struggle. It’s worth it. To be here, knowing love and grief and healing and true faith like I know it now… It was all worth it.
To y’all, this book is another release from an author you know. I hope it’ll be a book you love, filled with characters that stick with you for a while. But for me? This is full circle. This is the birth of someone new, appropriately on the day my father was born so many years ago. I shared so much with him in life, it only seems fitting that this book would release on his day. I didn’t plan it out; it just happened. But once I saw the date on the calendar, I knew it was purposeful. Not by MY design, though. This has God written all over it. I feel it all the way down in my soul.
So, that’s the real story of Tequila High. Whatever happens with it, I will smile every time I read that title, see that cover, think of those characters. Today is day one. All over again. And this time, it’s going to be even better!
Happy Sunday, happy reading, and happy birthday to my wonderful father who is in heaven with my other Wonderful Father. It’s a beautiful day!
October 8, 2018
You ARE strong enough!
Sleep.
Man, you don’t truly appreciate it until it becomes elusive.
I look back on the days when I could sleep through anything, when I could wake up and go right back to sleep, when I didn’t have such a complicated relationship with my bed and I think, “Why, oh why can’t it be that way now?”
If you know much about me, you probably know I have some issues with my sleep. I’m not going to call myself an insomniac. I’m going to call myself a recovering insomniac, because I haven’t given up the hope of being a good sleeper again. I’m having absolute faith that it. will. happen.
If you’ve ever had a period of time for more than a couple of weeks where your sleep was continually disturbed and, therefore, shortened, you know how being that kind of tired affects everything. And I mean E-VER-Y-THING. My situation has gotten progressively worse over the last six years or so, but even so, it’s only gotten truly what I’d call severe a handful of times. Unfortunately, a couple of those times have been in 2018. That’s what prompted me to head to a sleep specialist.
The first thing he suggested was sleep restriction. Sleep restriction? Wait, WHAT?
Dude, some nights I only get like 2-3 hours and you want me to restrict the nights that I CAN sleep?
After I talked myself down from throat punching him and throwing him out the window, I did some research and, as counterintuitive as it seems, it’s actually a pretty reliable solution. So, being desperate, I jumped right in, and y’all, I’m doing it! It’s not easy, but I’m doing it.
As you can probably imagine, I’ve had quite a few rough nights over the last couple of weeks. Night before last was particularly…grrrrrrrrr, and I only slept a couple of hours. On that night, for whatever reason, I had a little meltdown. Maybe too tired. Maybe discouraged. Maybe feeling hopeless. Maybe just…I don’t know, something, but y’all, I was at my wits’ end. I legit had a fit. That crying jag was pretty epic, if I do say so myself.
I prayed and begged God to help me sleep, yet I didn’t. I’m not crazy enough to think for a second I know His ways. They’re MUCH higher than my ways. LOL Much. I don’t even pretend to know what God’s doing about 2/3 of the time. But here’s the thing, while I prayed and He didn’t answer my prayer the way I wanted, He gave me everything I needed to get through it. And that brings me to the point of this post.
YOU. ARE. STRONG. ENOUGH.
God promises that He will never give us more than we can handle. In whatever area of life that is. He promises to give us grace and strength and ability for every single thing that comes our way. Even when, by all rights, we should be unable to even function. And yet we do. We make it.
For me, on just a couple hours of sleep, and after having traveled and been away from home for a few days, I was absolutely certain I’d be exhausted. Been there, done that. Not a fun thing. And that’s what was playing through my head for the first few minutes after realizing I was done for the night. I could’ve gone along with that. I mean, it makes perfect sense. The human body doesn’t function well without sleep, and a female with hormones in a state of flux…well, that’s just a recipe for disaster. So I could’ve just accepted the tired, but you know what? I did some praying and I decided I’d much rather accept that God would get me through the day not dragging along, but sailing along. It felt almost as impossible as it probably sounds to you, but you know what? I SAILED. I figured I’d cry and get mad and want to give up on life at least twenty times (that’s what it feels like to be so, so, so tired and unable to sleep), but none of that happened. God gave me everything I needed to make it. AND I DID!
And you can, too!
YOU ARE STRONG ENOUGH.
There is no comma. There is no “but.” There is no “if.” There is a period because it is a definitive statement, a declaration. Because you know what? You ARE strong enough. For whatever. Whatever, whenever, however, you are strong enough to do and be and win. Whatever storm your journey in life brings you to, you are strong enough to go through it, to weather it. I fully, one thousand percent believe (and have experienced many times) that God will not send you into a storm to drown. You might sputter and struggle and THINK or FEEL like you’re drowning, but I assure you, even if your head bobs under the water for a few seconds here and there, you won’t drown. You will make it! You will make it when you feel like you can’t, when you’re sure you won’t. You will. And KNOWING that you will win, believing it, trusting it, is half the battle. Whether you feel it within your emotions or not, believe it anyway. Believe it with your head until your heart catches up. Stretch out your faith until you feel strong enough to stretch out your arms. Remind yourself that this too shall pass. Remind yourself that you were built for just such a time as this. Remind yourself that you CAN and you WILL overcome. Write it on your mirror, put a note in your pocket, make it a mantra to say quietly throughout the day (although screaming it occasionally feels amazing, too!)—do what you have to do to keep your thoughts in line with where you want to go. Because, as I’m learning more every day, your life will go in the direction of your thoughts. If you think defeat, if you dwell on how hard it is, if you give too much headspace to the negative, you may give up. You may quit. You may let the challenge overwhelm you. But that will be your choice, not your destiny. Your destiny is greater than you could possibly understand. You are destined to win, to overcome, to conquer. You were made to go through a storm and come out on the other side as a light, a light to others who are still battling, who are still trying to keep their head above the raging waves of their circumstance. We know because we’ve been there. When we aren’t going through storm, we’ve just gotten out of one, and when we emerge, we bring with us all kinds of encouragement and strength and wisdom that can help those who are running short on all three. We shine so they can see a glimmer of hope in the darkness. We shine so they don’t give up inside their storm.
So for any of you who feel like what you’re going through is going to get the best of you, for those who feel like you just aren’t going to make it, LIFT YOUR HEAD! Take one more breath, one more step, one more punch. Kick your legs one more time.You’re gonna make it!
August 22, 2018
A Whole New Look for Words You Can Feel
Since the dawn of time…
Okay not really. Just since the dawn of my writing career. That career is only a wee 7 years old, but I think it’s like dog years or something. I feel like I’ve learned at least four lifetimes worth of stuff in those 7 years.
Let me start over.
Ahem
Since the dawn of my career, I’ve gone about every single area of my writing like it’s my passion, which it totally is! I mean OF COURSE it is. I don’t know how people do this job when they’re NOT passionate about it. My tiny little brain can’t even fathom that. Anyway, I digress. Where was I? Oh, right. My passion. Writing is definitely my passion! However, it’s also my business. My livelihood. My way to pay Amazon for the ridiculous amount of stuff that I order from them every month. I mean, really, how much stuff can I possibly need from there? Well, turns out quite a bit. When it means I don’t have to go to the store…yep. Amazon it is. Those lovely UPS men bring it right to my door so I don’t even have to wear pants to shop. I mean, I DO, of course. I’m not a completely weirdo. ;)
Sorry, squirrel! ANYway, since I write kind of all over the place–young adult, new adult, regular adult, contemporary, paranormal, suspense, women’s fiction, oh my!–I finally realized that I REALLLLY need to solidify my brand so that you know at a glance that you’re getting an M. Leighton book. I want readers to know that, whatever the age or setting or issues of the characters, you’ll get page after page of WORDS YOU CAN FEEL. *big, wide, happy smile* See how I did that? Popped my tagline right in there like a BOSS! *pats self on back* Oh and a special thanks to my amazing group of readers who helped me ferret that out.
WORDS YOU CAN FEEL. I just love it! And since I have a new tag line and am closing in on what my brand looks like, I figured what better time than NOW to update my website so that you can come and easily find what you’re looking for. It’s clean and modern with lots of black and white, but let’s not neglect the little splash of MICHELLE that I have to bring to pretty much every single thing within arm’s reach of me ever. That “M”! That PINK! That splash! It’s so…ME! Don’t you think? I look at it and I see professional and functional and easy to read, but then I see that M and that pink and I just smile. I like to think that’s what I bring to my little corner of literature–some great romance (expected) with a little splash of Michelle (the unexpected).
Clearly, I put way too much thought into this whole brand thing. LMAO Can you tell? What can I say? I’m excitable.
*starts singing Def Leppard. again*
Okay, so have a look around. I hope you find many pretties to OOOH and AAAH over. I’ll be updating a whole bunch of my covers (indie covers that is) over the coming months, too, so be sure to stop back by and see what’s different. It’s allllllll coming together, y’all! I can feel it!
Happy Hump Day! I’ve got some words to write. *melts away like a ghost* ;)
May 25, 2018
The Way We Burn COVER REVEAL! Eeeeeeeeeep
THE WAY WE BURN
Irresistible attraction. Unimaginable danger.
I knew from the moment Noah Williamson walked into the diner that he was haunted—deeply haunted—but I couldn’t resist the lure of him. He was gorgeous and fascinating and mysterious, and like a delicate moth to a brilliant blue flame, I was drawn to him. Drawn to his fire.
But if I’d known about his job, about what happened to his wife, I’d have run the other way. Before I got caught up in the red-hot blaze of his life. Before everything in my world got burned to the ground.
It’s too late to run now. I hesitated and that was it. I fell. I fell for him before I knew there was danger in loving him.
Noah once told me that this is the way we burn—together or not at all. At the time, I didn’t know what that meant.
Now I do.
COMING JUNE 24, 2018
Romantic suspense? Psychological thriller? I say it’s love story…with a twist, and one you don’t want to miss:)
Add to Goodreads: http://smarturl.it/TWWBgr
Sign up for newsletter which includes release alert: http://smarturl.it/MLeightonNews
Follow on BookBub for release alert: http://smarturl.it/MLeightonBookBub
May 5, 2018
Do you talk to yourself?
Y’all, the things I’ve learned over the last two and a half years… I could literally fill a book. Maybe three or four. If I could wrap my head around how to get it all together, I probably would, but that’s another thing for another day. Today’s thing is a question. For you. Also the title of this little hot-mess-beaut-of-a-post. Here it is:
DO YOU TALK TO YOURSELF?
Whether you realize it or not, the answer is yes. You might not speak aloud, you might not think you answer your own questions, you might not purposely do it, but I guarantee that you talk to yourself. Even if it’s in the back of your mind when you’re driving or putting on your makeup or scrolling through Facebook, you speak to yourself. The more important question then becomes: What do you say?
Let me take you back to a funny SNL sketch. I’m just going to post this gif. Your memory (at least those old enough to remember this) will do the rest.
Look familiar? hehe Man, I think at one point or another, we all made fun of this character, but you know what? He had a pretty legit thing going on. He said healthy, HELPFUL things about himself, to himself. How many of us do that? Some do, I’m sure. Some have already learned what it took me forEVER to realize. Some may do it because they are incapable of seeing their own flaws, but that’s a whole other thang. How many of us can BE flawed and still be okay with who we are? The answer, ideally, should be ALL OF US. But I’d bet money that’s not the actual answer.
I have my theories on why this is an issue. Male and female, young and old, no matter your race, religion, or location on a map, this is something that affects humans like a plague. If left unchecked, it can become extremely harmful to these sometimes fragile minds and bodies. It can manifest as anxiety, depression, suicidal ideation, IBS, and a laundry list of other issues I won’t name. I blame everything from airbrushed magazine covers to surgically enhanced role models to social media. In short, we are surrounded by ideals that aren’t even REAL. We see beauty on television, but forget that there is makeup and lighting and sometimes plastic surgery and expensive cosmetics involved in creating that illusion. We see the highlight reel of other peoples’ lives on social media and think our reality is somehow less. We forget that the mom with the perfect family had to work for an hour to get that seemingly casual family photo. We forget that the minutes and hours and days before and after the absolute normalcy of that picture was consumed by the same kind of chaos that we wake up to most days. The sad and dysfunctional part is that these are the sticks abasing which we measure our lives and our looks and our worth. And for most people, at least once in a while, it makes us feel like we come up lacking. Our lives or looks or worth don’t quite measure up to what we see out there.
The truth is that is categorically untrue.
Every person you see on television or in movies or on Instagram or Facebook or at the mall or on the street has flaws and worries and troubles. Just like you. Just like me. Just like ALL of us. It’s part of the human condition. We are not perfect. Our lives are not perfect. Our spouses, kids, families, friends, and jobs are not perfect. Expecting any of them to be is like begging to be disappointed. The thing is, I’m not sure that we are always entirely aware of doing it, of measuring ourselves and our lives against what we see. Or maybe y’all are. Maybe this is just something I’ve experienced. Maybe I’m the outlier (wouldn’t be the first time LOL). Even if you think this isn’t an issue for you, wouldn’t it be worth it to take a quick inventory of your thought life just to be sure? It would. It truly would. Why? Because it could be making you miserable when you should be happy. It could be making you sick when you should be healthy. It could be making you cry when you should be laughing instead.
Here is a good, solid slap of truth for you. You are awesome. You are both wonderful and wonderfully flawed. And the cool thing is so is everyone else. But they’re not you. Only YOU can make you feel okay with who you are. Only you can fully embrace the fact that you have specific talents and gifts and strengths that are a unique combination to you, and that you are an individual that no one else in the history of the world will ever be. That alone is a miracle, and one worth celebrating. It’s worth a few minutes of checking yourself to make sure you’re not down on your butt because it won’t fit into the jeans your husband’s ex-girlfriend posted a pic of on Facebook. It’s worth a few minutes of checking yourself to make sure you’re not down on your kids because they don’t get along as beautifully as the neighbor’s kids did on vacation, as witnessed by the various family photos posted to Instagram. Online, people tend to post about the very best of their lives and themselves. They don’t post the ten crappy selfies they took before the one of gold that became their profile picture. They don’t post about the fourth is today. And those are just goofy examples (I like to include “poop” in a blog post every now and again LOL).
The bottom line, I was guilty of this, of comparing my life, my worth, my very existence to what I saw around me and online. Still am sometimes, but now I’m more aware of it. God created me to be the best me I can be and to run my race with all the gifts and talents and flaws and faculties that He gave ME, not someone else. Watching someone else run their race and feeling bad about mine isn’t doing ANYBODY any favors. And looking in the mirror and listing (whether silently or aloud, consciously or not) all the things I don’t like about myself won’t change them. In fact, it will just make me feel like crap and ruin what could’ve and SHOULD’VE been a great day.
Okay, so what’s the remedy, you ask? In my opinion, it’s simple (although not always simple to practice). Love yourself. Love your life. Love where you’re at right now. That doesn’t mean we can’t strive to achieve or strive to change in good and healthy ways, but those should be goals that we set for ourselves based on who we are, not what someone else has or has become.
I don’t think being IN LOVE with oneself is healthy, but I think loving oneself IS. How can we love and appreciate any other flawed, less than perfect people if we can’t even love and appreciate that one we spend the most time with? The one we know best? How can we encourage someone else, exhort someone else, lift up someone else when we can’t get all the ways we fall short off our minds? In my opinion, the best thing we can do for ourselves AND others is to love ourselves. Try your hardest. Do your best. Make the most of what you have. But at the end of the day, go easy on yourself. Be patient. Be kind. Be forgiving. Be okay with it all, whatever the outcome, whatever the flaw. Be okay with YOU. Laugh when you fall no matter who is watching. Lift your chin when you fail no matter who is watching. Your ability to be okay with life and all its many, many surprises will preach a message to those around you. They’ll start to see the ways you shine, whether you’re wearing makeup or not, whether your hair is a mess or not. What a much more joyous, fulfilled life we can all have if we can look in the mirror or park in front of our house or walk into our place of business every day and say (silently or aloud) that while it might not be perfect, it’s mine and I’m gonna crush it! I’m gonna wear this big butt or this nose I don’t love or this thing that I tried and failed to do, with a smile. We only get one life, one body, one today. I don’t know about y’all, but I don’t want to waste mine trying to be something or someone I’m not or beating myself up for being like everyone else—(im)perfectly FLAWED.
I’m gonna post this again just because it probably makes a lot more sense now. Thanks for the reminder, Stuart:)
I hope y’all love you as much as I do:)
September 26, 2017
The Beautiful Now is LIVE and FREE in Kindle Unlimited!
The Beautiful Now is LIVE, y’all! Get it for the release price of $3.99 while it lasts, or read for FREE in Kindle Unlimited! Grab your copy here.
✩¸.•*´¨)✩ ¸.•*¨) ¸.✩´¸.•*´¨)✩
Dane James worked my stepfather’s fields. He was the boy next door.
Strong.
Hardworking.
Forbidden.
From the moment we met, we were star-crossed lovers—always wanting, never having. We loved each other for most of our lives, but right from the beginning destiny had other plans. She knew we would fall in love. She knew we would fall apart. Over and over again, like the curse of a recurring nightmare. Or the hope of a familiar dream.
Our past was tumultuous. Our future was bleak. But the one thing we always had was the beautiful now.
Until that was taken from us, too.
✩¸.•*´¨)✩ ¸.•*¨) ¸.✩´¸.•*´¨)✩
Get it for the release price of $3.99 while it lasts, or read for FREE in Kindle Unlimited! Grab your copy here.
Here’s what early readers are saying:
✩ “This is the best book that I have read in 2017 yet!!” — Heidi
✩ “I truly wish I could give this one more five stars, I would definitely give 10 if I could. This is one of those books, you just know from the beginning is going to pull at your heartstrings and it really does. I’ve read of ton of books this year and this one just moved to the top of my favorites list.” — Catherine
✩ “The Beautiful Now is exactly that – Beautiful. It’s love story of epic proportions.” — Courtney
✩ “What I loved was that their story transcends the span of 22 years and shows that love can last forever even when all the odds are stacked against you. That there is always a way even when we think all hope is lost. That even when we do what we think is best and hurt the ones we love that their is forgiveness to be found and second chances are a blessing not to be taken lightly. And when faced with the harsh realities of life, love can still prevail over all.” — Jennifer
✩ “I started reading – and I kept on reading. I couldn’t stop. It was all so heartbreakingly sad and beautiful and sweet and frustrating and I just could not stop.” — Bianca
September 23, 2017
The Beautiful Now is live on iBooks for 2 DAYS ONLY, Sept 24-25
*clears throat* May I have your attention please! The Beautiful Now is LIVE right now on iBooks for 2 DAYS ONLY, Sept 24-25. After 8pm EST on Monday, Sept 25, it will no longer be available except on Amazon. If you’re an iBooks lover, get your copy now!
Dane James worked my stepfather’s fields. He was the boy next door.
Strong.
Hardworking.
Forbidden.
From the moment we met, we were star-crossed lovers—always wanting, never having. We loved each other for most of our lives, but right from the beginning destiny had other plans. She knew we would fall in love. She knew we would fall apart. Over and over again, like the curse of a recurring nightmare. Or the hope of a familiar dream.
Our past was tumultuous. Our future was bleak. But the one thing we always had was the beautiful now.
Until that was taken from us, too.
September 11, 2017
The heart of me
I could write a tome about what I believe the heart of me is and what I’d like for it to be. This…existential journey I’ve been on has been one big, long bout of soul searching. Some of what I’ve found isn’t pretty, but everything I’ve discovered will eventually make me a better person, if not now then someday. In the end, I realize I’m a work in progress. What else can I say? :)
Today I’m going to tell you about my new book. Well, sort of. But not really. I will tell you absolutely nothing about it other than how it has affected me and how I now view it. Where to start, though? Hmmmm
Let me tell you a little about my history in writing. When I began, all I wanted from this adventure was to have a job that I loved. Or even liked. I just didn’t want to hate doing it every single day. LOL And in those early days, God granted me all that I prayed for. Even though He saw, even then, what would become of me, what kind of road of self-discovery He’d set me upon. He knew that, eventually, after gallons of blood, sweat and tears, I’d come out better for having walked this road.
I, however, did not.
I didn’t see it. Not any of it. From about six months in until now, which is about a 6 year journey, I’ve been continually surprised by this path. Sometimes in a great way, other times not so much.
I’ve never considered myself to be a particularly proud person. Insecure, yes. People pleaser, sure. Competitive, absolutely. Ambitious, oh yes. But never really proud. But what I’ve learned over the last couple of weeks is that, for me, all roads lead to pride.
Are you shocked?
I WAS! OMG
I was like, “Wow! Who’da thunk it?”
Not me.
Clearly.
Since my books started to become popular way back in 2012, I’ve managed to convince myself that my ambitions were pure, my reasons selfless, and my goals healthy. Never once did I see them for what they were—pride at its worst. It crept in insidiously, like many awful things do. I couldn’t see it for what it was, couldn’t see myself for what I’d become.
Boy, do I see it now!
The Lord had granted me some measure of success and I totally ran with it. I craved more, and called it ambition. I sought the approval of others and called it a healthy desire to want to put out good work. I began to derive my self worth from my career success and called it competitiveness. I chalked all this stuff up to the way I’m made or my personality type, but all of it is nothing more than pride. I felt as though I’d achieved X in this business and had fallen way back down to Y, and I did everything I could (making myself quite miserable along the way, I might add) to get back up to that place. And the place itself wasn’t bad. What I let it turn me into, however, was.
I was so. freakin. stupid.
Okay, so I began writing The Beautiful Now two years ago and, as is my habit, I got distracted with another project. Probably something I thought people might like better based on what everyone else was writing. Oh my word, I was so stupid!
(refer to above giphy–it applies to me a lot)
So, fast forward to now, two years later, and my world has been turned upside down in just about every way possible, some of which I’ve recorded in blog posts. Bless your heart for having to read about my struggles. hehe I feel for ya. I really, really do! But I really hope that someone, somewhere along the way will be helped or encouraged by my struggles. Otherwise I would never air my personal growth dirty laundry this way. But this, too, is a way for me to overcome pride because I know this doesn’t paint me in a flattering light. You know what, though? I’m flawed. Deeply flawed. But I have a God who loves me and thinks I’m pretty cool, and He won’t give up trying to make me into the person He created me to be. I’m just trying to learn what I need to learn to be that person, too. I need to get out of this crazy mess I’ve made.
Anyway, sorry for that other squirrel up there. Trying to follow my train of thought is probably like trying to watch a hummingbird, isn’t it? LOL
So TBN. Started it two years ago and just got inspired about a month or so ago to finish it. I love the story. There’s no question. It has caused me some pain, though. I lost a week’s worth of work on it at one point, which set me back…well, a week. Then I had a rewrite to do. And then another one. Anyone who knows me at all knows that a rewrite to me is like waterboarding to some people–a particularly effective kind of torture if you’re trying to make me miserable.
It even got so bad, y’all, that about a week ago, I started looking for a job. Like outside of writing. I seriously just felt like I couldn’t take it anymore. I’d become so obsessed with writing THE GREAT AMERICAN NOVEL and selling a bazillion copies and being treated like I’m special that I’d stressed myself into what was probably dangerously close to a nervous breakdown. How dumb am I? Over a book. Or a few books. All books. THAT is how much pressure I’ve been putting on myself over the course of the last handful of years.
(Refer again to idiot sandwich giphy above. See? Told you that’s me a lot)
So what happened next?
Inquiring minds want to know.
Well, I can tell you in one word. A name to be specific.
God.
I had literally hit my knees and was begging for help and guidance. Like BEG-GING. I was just beside myself. In those 48 hours, I questioned every decision that led me to being an author. Every single one. I even regretted them all at one point.
But then…
But then…
I got a spiritual slap upside of the head and guess what I realized.
You got it.
All this–all this misery, all this stress, all this pressure–was totally, 100%, psychotically, neurotically self-induced. I had let pride so completely overtake my life that I’d beaten what I used to love right into the dirt.
(I’m going to put this in here again just because it needs to happen, like, A LOT.)
Over those 48 hours, and many hours and days since then, God has little by little showed me that all the things I’d labeled a pretty name and all the things I’d painted a pretty face on were nothing more than pride. I’m telling you all this for two reasons.
Reason number one, and most importantly, is that so that if you find yourself in utter misery, ask the One Who created you to show you WHY you’re so miserable. I’d be willing to bet that it’s something you and He together can fix. It might not be easy, or pretty, or painless (all my growing pains seem to be like pulling teeth), but I can tell you that it’s SO. VERY. WORTH. IT.
Reason number two is that, henceforth, I hope you see a difference in me. You may see it in my work itself. I’m not sure. You’ll likely see it in the way I handle selling my work. You may see that I talk about my books in a different way, like the children that they are, not as means to feed an addiction I wasn’t even aware I had. I hope you’ll notice that I’m more relaxed and happy. I hope you’ll see the kind of change in that comes when something toxic has been exposed and swept away from your life. That’s how I feel–like I just realized I’d been drinking poison for the last few years and I woke up one morning, confused, disoriented and unhappy, and tossed it in the garbage.
This is me, taking back what should be an amazing life. One where I should love crafting stories that touch my heart and speak of things that are important to me. One where I should focus more on lifting up however many readers I have, showing them love and hope and making them smile, rather than writing something that appeals to the masses. One where I don’t find my value in a book ranking or a sales figure or a number of post likes.
So, The Beautiful Now comes out September 26. I hope you’ll pick up a copy and give it a read. And I hope if you do that you consider it time and money well spent. I hope your life is a little better for having read the story of Dane and Brinkley, the love they share and the obstacles they overcome. We all have a bit of them in us. And we all have a beautiful now that we could be missing. Let’s go seize the day, shall we?
Also, I never got back around to tying the title into this post. I guess maybe I’m hoping that, by this, you’ll know what’s at the heart of me—Jesus. Jesus and love and hope;)
