Janine Ashbless's Blog, page 113
May 17, 2013
Believe It Or Not
Do you like weird? Do you like macabre? Do you basically have the mind of a twelve-year-old? Then you need to take out a second mortgage and spend a few hours in a Ripley's Believe It or Not. From hand-knitted Ferraris to shrunken heads, from two-headed calves to the Lord's Prayer engraved on a grain of rice ... it's a cross between an anthropology museum and a gallery of Outsider art, with extra extra cheese.
So here's some pics from my recent trip to the London Ripley's:
Horses made of spoons!
Tibetan ritual mask made out of a real skull!Human artistry is breathtaking, and sometimes baffling:
This antique temple is carved out of solid jade.
Toast art. Seriously.
The Last Supper painted on a dragonfly. And why not...
Portrait composed entriely of lipstick kisses applied to paper. Freehand. Well, freemouth...
It was important I found you something naughty, so here it is - the penis bone of walrus.
It's right opposite the Feejee mermaid, who looks shocked:
To top it all they have a Mirror Maze, which I totally loved.
Look! I'm about to bump into MYSELF! Waaaaaaah!!
Okay, I may not actually be twelve inside. I might only be eight.
So here's some pics from my recent trip to the London Ripley's:
Horses made of spoons!
Tibetan ritual mask made out of a real skull!Human artistry is breathtaking, and sometimes baffling:
This antique temple is carved out of solid jade.
Toast art. Seriously.
The Last Supper painted on a dragonfly. And why not...
Portrait composed entriely of lipstick kisses applied to paper. Freehand. Well, freemouth...It was important I found you something naughty, so here it is - the penis bone of walrus.
It's right opposite the Feejee mermaid, who looks shocked:
To top it all they have a Mirror Maze, which I totally loved.
Look! I'm about to bump into MYSELF! Waaaaaaah!!Okay, I may not actually be twelve inside. I might only be eight.
May 15, 2013
Harry's game
This picture just reminds me of Harry's story:
Pages and Playthings
Haralambi Markov has been running a series on his Alternative Typewriter blog about "Women in Genre." In this instance that means the fantastical fiction genre, not erotica, by the way :-)For Day 28 he chose to feature Shanna Germain and myself (as an "inexplicable dual-mind entity" lol). I'm so chuffed!
(Harry wrote us a story, Pages and Playthings, that I knew I wanted for the Geek Love anthology as soon as I read it - even though I wasn't sure I was smart enough to understand it! A dark and distopian tale of omnisexual superheroes and malevolent books, it's one of those haunting my-head-is-exploding reads.)
So colour me delighted. Thanks Harry!
Women in Genre, Day 28
May 13, 2013
Eyecandy Monday
Last week it was a pic too rude for Amazon.
This week, the pic I've just had censored by Pinterest:
*sigh*
What is the world coming to?
This week, the pic I've just had censored by Pinterest:
*sigh*What is the world coming to?
May 12, 2013
25 and onward
This was the song Mr Ashbless picked for our wedding a decade back. We've been together 25 years this week! It sort of blows my mind. That's nearly as old as some of my sweaters!
Anyway, I know that you will naturally be clamouring for me to share the vast wisdom I have accumulated upon the subject of maintaining relationships. After due consideration, I have distilled my hard-won knowledge into the following step-by-step Guide to Being with Someone:
Don't be a dick.Pick someone who isn't a dick.Don't try to change each other.
And there you go. Easy, huh?
Tune in next week, when I will be bringing peace to the Middle East.
;-)
May 10, 2013
May 8, 2013
Bitchin Crush
I have recently developed this enormous shameful hot crush on Nadia Giosia, star of Bitchin' Kitchen.
It wasn't love at first sight. I don't even like the Food Network, which is mostly full of grotesque American men force-feeding themselves enough greasy dead animal to feed a third world country for a week. But sometimes I surf past an actual cookery show, and I lingered on Bitchin Kitchen because I was intrigued by the title. I saw Nadia G and to be absolutely honest, my first thought was "Brassy Brooklyn blonde, so totally not my type."
Then I watched her in action, because I was too tired to haul my ass off to bed. And now, late at night when Mr Ashbless isn't around, I can't help myself sneaking a lecherous peek, and watching in guilty fascination ...
Reasons to like Nadia G:
She is kinda scary. She isn't from Brooklyn, she's Canadian - I believe the accent is a total fake.She isn't a chef, she's a comedian.(But the food actually looks pretty good. Not that I'm watching for the food, but it isn't actively off-putting)When she talks her face gets all screwed up and does weird things.Sometimes the Crazy shows in her eyes and she goes off on a total rant.She keeps a stable of underdressed male totty on the show for no reason other than their entertainment value.She wears the most unsuitable clothes for cooking in, and six-inch stilletos, and ghastly nail-polish.She has perfected the "come fuck me" look as she says "Let's plate this."
So I say surrender to the schtick, and enjoy. You've got to admit it's hotter than Man versus Food.
It wasn't love at first sight. I don't even like the Food Network, which is mostly full of grotesque American men force-feeding themselves enough greasy dead animal to feed a third world country for a week. But sometimes I surf past an actual cookery show, and I lingered on Bitchin Kitchen because I was intrigued by the title. I saw Nadia G and to be absolutely honest, my first thought was "Brassy Brooklyn blonde, so totally not my type."
Then I watched her in action, because I was too tired to haul my ass off to bed. And now, late at night when Mr Ashbless isn't around, I can't help myself sneaking a lecherous peek, and watching in guilty fascination ...
Reasons to like Nadia G:
She is kinda scary. She isn't from Brooklyn, she's Canadian - I believe the accent is a total fake.She isn't a chef, she's a comedian.(But the food actually looks pretty good. Not that I'm watching for the food, but it isn't actively off-putting)When she talks her face gets all screwed up and does weird things.Sometimes the Crazy shows in her eyes and she goes off on a total rant.She keeps a stable of underdressed male totty on the show for no reason other than their entertainment value.She wears the most unsuitable clothes for cooking in, and six-inch stilletos, and ghastly nail-polish.She has perfected the "come fuck me" look as she says "Let's plate this."
So I say surrender to the schtick, and enjoy. You've got to admit it's hotter than Man versus Food.
May 6, 2013
Eyecandy Monday
It has come to my attention this week that, as well as banning nipples on book covers, Amazon also bans the Hand Bra.
So here's a pic Amazon would not approve of:
So here's a pic Amazon would not approve of:
May 5, 2013
May 3, 2013
Cake and Consultation
I promised a picture of my (ginger-and-lemon-curd) cake, so there you go - my first ever attempt at baking a sponge:
I did rather a good job of disguising the not-so-brilliant cake with icing and whipped cream, I think!
I made it for Jo when she came over for her birthday weekend :-) One of the unexpected pleasures of writing erotica is the writer friends I have met. And she helped me with some notes for my novel!
Yes, I write like a seven-year-old
(One of my hero characters is Irish and I needed a few telling dialect patterns ... without him sounding like the Lucky Charms leprechaun).
We had a lovely lovely weekend of chat and theatre and DVDs and walking. We also went to the Whitby Goth Weekend and saw loads of wonderful people in goth, steampunk and Victorian costume. I want to be steampunk when I grow too old for fantasy cosplay!
If you look through the whalebone arch to the black line trailing up the far hill - that's a river of goths on their way to the graveyard and ruined abbey.
I did rather a good job of disguising the not-so-brilliant cake with icing and whipped cream, I think!I made it for Jo when she came over for her birthday weekend :-) One of the unexpected pleasures of writing erotica is the writer friends I have met. And she helped me with some notes for my novel!
Yes, I write like a seven-year-old(One of my hero characters is Irish and I needed a few telling dialect patterns ... without him sounding like the Lucky Charms leprechaun).
We had a lovely lovely weekend of chat and theatre and DVDs and walking. We also went to the Whitby Goth Weekend and saw loads of wonderful people in goth, steampunk and Victorian costume. I want to be steampunk when I grow too old for fantasy cosplay!
If you look through the whalebone arch to the black line trailing up the far hill - that's a river of goths on their way to the graveyard and ruined abbey.May 1, 2013
Get Xcited for free
Free smut alert!
Xcite Books (winner of the Erotic Trade Organisation "Best Book Brand" 2010, 2011 and 2012) has repackaged two of my short stories into new anthologies called Xcite Delights
Xcite Delights Book 1 is FREE right now for download!
The story lineup is as follows:
Behind the Blue Door by Charlotte Stein Skyggen by Giselle RenardeNo Running, No Petting by Janine Ashbless (follow link for excerpt)Alive by Clarice CliqueThe Untouchable Tabby by Lana FoxSoul of Discretion by Mary BorsellinoPersonal Trainer by K D GraceThe Naughty Rich Girl by Angela Goldsberry
So what are you waiting for? If I can download, anyone can!
NB: There is also an Xcite Delights Book 2, which contains my Valentine's story Shot to the Heart - but that's £1.99
See all Ashbless books and audio at Xcite
