Elizabeth Moon's Blog, page 14

Reminder: Thursday in Austin

Coffee with the Author, this Thursday at 11:30 am,  on the the terrace (if not raining, snowing, sleeting, hailing....) or inside St. David's Episcopal Church in downtown Austin.  Free parking in the St. David's garage (enter off Trinity between 7th and 8th streets; sign in at the main desk for a parking voucher.  It's a 30 minute interview/chat with KUT's Jennifer Stayton.

I will be bringing along the proof copy of Deeds of Honor to show and tell about--the print-on-demand paperback soon to be available of my latest short-fiction collection.  It came out as an indie-published e-Book in December 2014.   And if given a chance, I'll talk about my sock theory of storytelling.  (You knew I'd drag knitting into it!)  If you want, you can see where I sing on Sundays (it's got really lovely stained glass and the floor creaks.)

This should be fun--so come if you can.  I'm excited. 

Beautiful Snakes

Some people have commented on the beauty of the previous post's snake.  Personally, I think that snake is not beautiful (beauty is in the eye of the beholder, remember?)   But to satisfy those who might think I consider snakes ugly in general (I don't) or all venomous snakes ugly (I don't)  here are some pictures of snakes--or links to those pictures, where I have not photographed the snake myself--that I think are beautiful.   Behind the cut, so those who are seriously snake-averse can avoid them.


One of my personal favorites is the red-lined ribbon snake, Thamnopsis proximus rubrilineatus.   It's a small snake that likes to be near water--creeks, ponds, etc.  This picture is from our lily pond:

Another Texas  beauty is the speckled racer (doesn't live near me now--saw it as a kid once); it's a bigger snake with dark scales that have a golden center to each one.  Sometimes they look bluish or greenish because of a blue base under the black.  This link is to a "field herp" site with several pictures:  http://tinyurl.com/ps5y7by

The western coachwhip (which we do have on the place) is even longer, but hard to photograph because it's so long and so very fast.  Here's a picture of the head of one.  Here the scales look whitish on the edges, but in many lights they seem to be lit from within--they're the same taupe as on top of hte heat, but the edges "glos (look at the scales of the snout--that little "glow" is what you see on all the scales of the snake in good light.  Also note the round iris in both the red-lined ribbon snake and the coachwhip--they're non-venomous snakes and in the US, that's a reliable sign you don't have a pit viper.   The coachwhips are elegant and very fast, including climbing in brush.


Another beautiful local snake is the rough green snake:  small, arboreal, usually spotted up in a bush or tree, though because of its color it's often called a "grass snake."    This picture is taken of an "eye level" snake up a vine (green briar) in the woods.

It's a shiny bright green, shading from a little darker on top to more yellow--then the yellow on the lower side, and white belly scales.

We "should" have coral snakes on our land--we have the right habitat for the local kind--but I haven't seen one.  So here's a link to  a lot more about these beautifully colored snakes than I knew before: http://www.reptilesmagazine.com/Snakes/Wild-Snakes/Coral-Snakes/

My snake pictures (which include most of our identified snakes, including a big black-and-gold Texas rat snake) are scattered amongst all the other nature pictures and I should collect them all in one file.  But I haven't done that yet.

Non-native to US beautiful snakes include (are not limited to) the reticulated python (http://www.reptilediscovery.com/retic.html), king cobra (http://www.arkive.org/king-cobra/ophiophagus-hannah/)--note that the pupils of its eyes are round, not slitted--it's only here that round pupils are a guarantee of non-venomous.   And because there are too many beautiful snakes and it's time to fix dinner, here's a link for several at once: http://scribol.com/environment/10-most-beautiful-snakes-on-earth/12
I really don't think the western diamondback qualifies in the "beautiful snake" contest.  But again: "eye of the beholder." 

Karen's Excellent Adventure

So...Karen HouseGuest and I had spent several hours out looking at wildflowers on the land, while I kept reminding both of us about snake safety, since it's the season for rattlesnakes to come out of their dens (and we've seen them the past two weeks) and wander around looking for food and mates.  We had come back in the house.   She discovered that the camera I'd lent her had the wrong settings, and after we reset it, she took it back out--just beyond the back yard--to check how it handled a bluebonnet growing in the north horse lot.  It was safe that far.  Surely.

But....

Something was on the path to the bluebonnet.  Something brown, tan, gray, and...moving...sort of...sinuously...

Karen did the right thing.  She stopped.  She did not step on it to see if it was alive.  But, having camera in hand, she took its picture for later study.   The snake did not like the sound of the camera.

Up came the head, and it turned toward her.  Well, that was exciting.  She had the good sense to back up more.   And took this picture.   In the spring, some snakes are a bit...proddy, we call it.  Touchy.  Easily upset.   This was not one of the calm snakes, or a snake quick to disappear into the taller grass.  This snake...


....was seriusly upset.  Luckily, she was far enough away...this is with a zoom lens.
(all photos by Karen Shull)
Note that all the pictures are sharp, indicating a steady hand and good eye (and also, we got the camera settings right finally.)    What a Texas hostess needs is house guests who handle a sudden encounter with a western diamondback rattlesnake with this level of calm, good sense, courage, and photographic skill.  (And any encounter with such a snake that doesn't end in the ER is an excellent adventure.)

"Coffee with the Author" next Thursday

For Austin-area fans:   I'll be doing the "Coffee with the Author" program in downtown Austin next Thursday, April 16; it's hosted by St. David's Episcopal Church (full disclosure--I sing in the Parish Choir there) and Holy Grounds, the coffee/gift/bookshop there.   The interviewer is Jennifer Stayton of KUT.  I'm really excited about this, and hope y'all come down to the outdoor terrace under the sycamore tree (if it's raining there'll be room inside somewhere.)  The program runs from 11:30 to noon, and lunch is available upstairs in Cafe Divine (but I think you have to call and let them know...the church's phone number is:  512-610-3500.  Holy Grounds has sandwiches for sale downstairs, along with coffee and other nibbles.

You can find out more about the program at this website,  and a couple of my books will be on sale in the bookstore, The Speed of Dark and Oath of Fealty.   I will also be waving around the Print on Demand edition of my short fiction collection that came out as an ebook last December, Deeds of Honor.  This is the "proof copy" so it's not on sale yet, but it's pretty, so of course I'm going to be showing it off. 

Not downtown in midday?  Not familiar with the area?   St. David's is on San Jacinto between 7th and 8th streets, across San Jacinto from the Omni Hotel.   Holy Grounds is on the ground floor; to the left as you enter the front doors to the reception are, and/or the person at the reception desk will help you find anything you need.  There's free parking in the St. David's garage (enter on Trinity between 7th and 8th--sign in at the reception desk to get a voucher.)   Hope to see some of you there!

Confessions of a Yarn Addict

Mysteriously,  out of the aether between the online catalogs and our front porch or our mailbox, they appear.   Boxes.  Bags.   Wrapped in plain brown cardboard or plain gray plastic, sometimes with inner wrappings (but not always)  and looking something like this:

Not as heavy as you might think.  Kind of bulgy and soft, if a bag like this.  Whatever could it be?   Surely (given the state of the middle room's closet) not...not...(gasp) more yarn?!?
Gingerly such packages are brought inside with due care, and very carefully they are dissected to reveal--inevitably, inexplicably, THIS:


Which, when peeled out of the rest of its wrappings, becomes something like THIS:

Yes.  More yarn.  33 skeins or balls, all in pairs but the one new yarn I wanted to test as a stripe yarn before buying it for socks.  Red, rust,gold, green, purple, a peculiar dark heather with flecks of blue, purple, and green and something else, purple, blue, a medium-brown heather and a dark brown heather, a deep teal heather.   I had failed to see how much red yarn I had left before buying these 14 balls, but then...I really, really, REALLY like red socks.  It was on sale, you see.  My favorite sock yarn in my favorite red, so...I kindasorta thought I'd stock up...well...I now have enough yarn for enough pairs of red socks for a long, long time.  Which is good because I've already worn out two pairs of red socks, knitted in the first year of sock-knitting and heavily worn.  Then there's yarn for several pairs of socks for friends, colors chosen by them.  Then there's the other colors for me.  Some are heathers.  Some are solid colors.  Plus the yarn in boxes and bags in the middle room that will someday be the knitting and drafting room when I get it cleared up some (fond hope, growing fainter.)   All the ones for me will coordinate with other colors I already have.

It's not too much yarn, really (she says, considering the other yarn in the other rooms.)   Not if I keep at it.  Not if I keep at it and pay no attention to the yarn ads flooding my inbox.  Or ignre the fact that the cheapest yarn there (the gold) is an off color from a good manufacturer and sold at much less than the cost of the other skeins and is really pretty and completely different than its description in the online catalog.  ("Dark Natural?"  No, sweetums, it's a lovely golden color.  More would not come amiss, you know. For stripes on other things...just a few more skeins...)  No.  No more.  not until at least the end of the year (the yarn-desiring self is whining already and there's a LOT of yarn in this house!)  It's quite doable, knitting all the yarn I have in...oh....the next twenty years or so.  Some of my female relatives have lived that long.

And I'm not only a yarn addict, I'm a sock addict.  If my Sekrit Planz work out, I will never have to wear commerical socks again.  (Looks down at feet, whereon are green self-knit socks.)

Best-laid Plans

The first parts of Holy Week went fairly well--the Palm Sunday anthems, Wednesday's rehearsal of those for Maundy Thursday, Good Friday, and one run at the big Easter anthem, Stanford's "Ye Choirs of New Jerusalem."   Thursday night's service went well, with all the anthems.   Friday, I was up on time to get ready for the Good Friday service, but on the way up the driveway to the old minivan (which was my drive for the day)  with all my stuff, I fell *splat* and did some damage.  Not enough to keep me from getting up, with help, and going on, but enough to be pretty miserable on the way in, and somewhat more on the way back out.   (One of the annoyances was that the old minivan's ignition, and the way my keys are usually arranged, meant the keys were bobbing against my injured knee the whole drive in.  At least there were jeans in between knee and keys.)   When I looked at my knee at church, it had both a scrape and a big blue bruise coming up, and my right hand had an obvious big bruise as well.

By the time I got home I was shaky and sick-feeling, as well as having more pain from the hand and knee, with other pains making themselves known around the edges.   I consider myself lucky that I could fall like that and not break anything...it could easily have been a broken wrist (thank you, fencing, for strengthening my wrist!)   It was my own carelessness that caused the fall; I was hurrying up our rough driveway, carrying my stuff in a disorganized way, the purse and music bag by their straps, in different hands,  with the choir robe draped over my left arm, the elbow held out to keep it the choir robe from dragging on the ground, rather than the robe folded over my arm the way I usually carry it.  So when I stepped on a rock that rolled, and lost my balance, what could have been a recoverable misstep became involved with swinging bags (one of them fairly heavy), a choir robe, my grabs for the things I was carrying, and...splat, as I said.   Everything ended up on the ground, some of it well out of reach from where I lay.

Saturday I had lots of aches and pains in addition to the ones I felt most on Friday, no energy, and felt off-balance and feverish as well.   I slept some, since I hadn't the night before until long after midnight.  By Saturday evening I had to admit that I wasn't going to make it for Easter (a really good call, as it turned out, because I would not have made it) and notified the choir director.  So today I'm home, not at church.  My head seems a bit clearer.  The bruises are slightly less tender, but the other things still hurt.

On the bright side, when a 70 yo takes a fall like that, and doesn't break anything, it's a win.  Everything that hurts is soft-tissue stuff that will quit hurting on its own in time.  There are other altos in the choir who sing as well as or better than I do and can do the anthem proud without me.  And now, as Pepys said, to bed.  It still hurts and I need more rest.

Socks, Incomplete

I had in mind completing another 1-2 pairs of socks by April 1.   As nearly always, Stuff Happened, mostly not the socks, but also one sock in particular.  So they're not done.  Here's the first pair:


These are my standard sock design, knitted in Mountain Colors 4/8 yarn, in the Ruby River colorway.  I've color-adjusted for the cloudy day, which made them look much darker than they are.  This is the same kind of yarn as the other (but very different) red socks pictured last fall. The Ruby River colorway is a warmer red, with coppery tones; the Indian Paintbrush has purples and a bit of rose in it.  I like both.  The yarn is lovely to work with, sort but snugly enough spun that it doesn't split (easily, anyway) though it feels a little light for socks knit on #5 needles (which is what I use--easier on my eyesight.)   Nonetheless--socks it is.  At this point they're ready for the heel turn--I temporarily inserted extra needles in the left sock to show the heel flap's reinforcement stitches; the right sock's heel flap is all curled up.  Note hte strand of light blue yarn coming out the edge of the curl...it's marking an error I need to fix before turning the heels and going on.

Technically behind these, but overtaking these when I had a hitch right before turning the heels, are the season's first pair of "shorty" socks.  I knew I wanted to use a pale milk-cream color, turquoise, and a dark teal blue...and something else.  The something else finally chosen (after laying several other colors of yarn against the turquoise/cream/teal) was a slightly darker neutral, a pale sand color.  These socks are nicknamed "Summer Beach" for the sand/cream/turquoise/teal colors.  Both have had their heels turned; the heel flap stitches are on smaller size needles on one; the other is past the gussets and into the foot stripes.


You can barely see the "sand" stripe (nearest the one-row of turquoise near the needles.  It shows up a bit better in real life.  This picture also had to be manipulated a bit because of the cloudy day.  Anyway, I wanted a pale color in mid-foot and there's another sand stripe just starting.  Both heels were done in eye of partridge, which looks very different in solid colors than the hand-painted yarns.

The yarns in this are leftovers (from the taller socks) of Ella rae Classic Superwash "Light Turquoise,"  Ella rae Classic "Magnificent Blue (dark teal)," Cascade 220 Color #8010 ("natural"...I think.  Can't find the skein label to be sure) and Cascade 220 #9600 (the one I call "sand")   "Sand" is the first skein I tried to divide evenly using a swift, a ball-winder, and my new kitchen scale, but...I screwed up some, so the two balls were not the same weight at the end.  Next time I'll use a lightweight plastic bowl for the tare to hold the yarn on the scale as I pull it off the swift.  I bought both these Cascade 220 colors specifically to stripe with others for summer socks--to "lighten" the color palette between bands of the richer, more saturated and intense colors I like for the other socks, which they do.  I like how they look and have laid them near the other colors I'll be using.   All the leftover yarns from regular socks turn into stripes in the short socks, and though I make (and want to keep making) solid socks in my favorite five colors (red, rich blue, emerald green, turquoise, royal purple)  plus some others off and on,  I want the striped short socks to be varied, with each of the five "standards"  used in different combinations.  The shorties are messier to make, with the multiple colors, but also quicker.  I don't have to do 5 or more inches of ribbed cuff.

I have plenty of yarn--I just need to knit every single day, put those rows on one by one and two by two.  However, some days/weeks don't cooperate.  This week is all about choir.  Tonight is a long rehearsal.  Tomorrow night is the Maundy Thursday service.  Friday at noon is the Good Friday service, and on Easter we'll be singing both main services.  Big anthems, lots to practice (and practice at home) and energy to keep going.

Print-on-Demand edition of Deeds of Honor Coming Soon

Today I received a copy of the POD actual paper book to nitpick for printing errors.  It's a slender paperback, about the size I used to daydream of having with my name on it filled with poetry.  My other book, I thought, would be the Great American Novel, or anyway a novel.  Maybe two or three of them.  However, it was a long, LONG time coming before my first actual book saw print, back in 1988.   But anyway, to stick to the point, for those who don't have an e-reader (raising hand here) and really prefer reading on paper (my eyes are happier that way) and who have an interest in short fiction relating to the world of Paksenarrion, there's about to be a physical book.  And I'm bouncing a bit.

Depression, Suicide, and Murder

As I've written before off and on, I've had my own experiences with clinical depression, including suicidal thoughts.  Desires, even.   Before I got help and found a regimen that worked for me, it got bleak sometimes. Sometimes for long times.  People who've had, or are now having, a depressive episode recognize each other (as do parents of autistic children, for another example) and exchange cautious bulletins.   I've read a lot about depression, too, as part of coming to understand what I'm dealing with.

And this is why someone a long way away form the investigation, with only media reports of ideas and conclusions, is about to weigh in on the mental status of the copilot of the German Wings aircraft that crashed in the French Alps.   I've heard and read that "He was depressed" and "He suffered from clinical depression."   And all my hackles come up--the annoyed ones and the scared ones both.  Because those statements imply that depression not only leads to suicide (which it does)  but mass murder (which it doesn't).  And those statements can put in jeopardy the freedom, the educational and employment opportunities, of people who have clinical depression but may now be seen as a danger to others.  And that's a very bad thing indeed.


I have known people who killed themselves. Themselves.  Not over a hundred other people, strangers.  That's an important distinction.   Suicide as a result of depression exists, is known, is well-characterized.   Had the co-pilot been depressed enough to kill himself--shoot himself, take poison, etc--I would agree--he was depressed.

But not all suicides are caused by depression.  Some are caused by a different form of mental illness, and the one that causes people to kill others AND themselves is commonly seen in the murder-suicides committed by angry men (occasionally women, but much more commonly men.)   Men who feel entitled to something, who are furious that they aren't getting what they want, or are losing something they think they're entitled to (a wife, a child, a business.)   The men who kill girlfriends, wives, ex-girlfriends, ex-wives, and then kill themselves to avoid punishment...they are not depressed, they are angry and defiant.  The men who blow up or set fire to their business when they run into debt, or have tax problems, are not just depressed--they are angry, defiant, and want to make a big loud messy statement of how pissed off they are.   The men who "go postal," who attack other workers in their place of work, or another place of work, are not simply depressed--they are angry, they feel that they've been lied to, or something taken from them (a job, a raise, whatever) and they're taking vengeance.  The boys who shot up Columbine High School, the man who shot up classes at Virginia Tech, the woman who gunned down colleagues at a faculty meeting--they were not depressed, but angry.  The man who flew his private plane into the IRS building in Austin, Texas because he didn't believe he should have to pay taxes intended to die--but also to "make a statement," and do damage and kill other people in the process.  He wasn't depressed--he was angry, hating, a man with anger issues and control issues who was furious that he was expected to obey a law he didn't like, and that his wife was scared of him and wanted to get away from him.

It's true that depression can co-exist with personality disorders such as  narcissistic and antisocial personality--both often associated with anger and feelings of entitlement (Riley et al) (Fava)...but depression in itself is not the motivation for harming others.  Anger plus depression (not uncommon in PTSD and traumatic brain injury)  is a dangerous combination, but it's the anger component that risks the lives of others.  And in this case, the co-pilot's decision to take the entire crew and passengers of the aircraft to die with him reeks of a vindicative, angry desire to get even with something or someone or some organization...to make that big loud statement, to kill innocent strangers when he couldn't get at the people he was really mad at. 

Though depression and anger were linked in Freud's conception of depression (that suppressed anger was behind all depressions)  and unipolar depressions with overt expressions of anger are now being looked at as a specific subtype of depression (article by Brooks in JAMA Psychiatry), the same article (and others) admit that those depressed persons who express anger and act out some of it also have significant comorbidities--personality disorders and often substance abuse. Since these comorbities and substance abuse by themselves are known to include erratic, sometimes violent behavior and outbursts of anger, it seems to me more reasonable to consider them the source of the anger and any violent acts.

Astonishingly, despite the obviousness of this--that the people who kill groups of others are clearly angry, defiant, vindictive--often from a base of feeling entitled, feeling that they should have everything their way--you still see, as in this case, "depression" given as the motivation.  And it's not.  At no point in my worst days did I want to harm others.   The people I've known who had depression and then killed themselves did not kill anyone else--just themselves.   So saying the co-pilot had depression--suggesting strongly to most people who hear it that a person with depression might decide to kill everyone in a school, or a workplace, or a plane, or a train because of depression (rather than out of anger) is both factually wrong--that's not how depression affects people--and unfair to those who have, or have had, or will have, depression.

Moreover, "depression" is a diagnosis often made in error--people who go to a doctor with entirely different conditions may be mislabeled as "depressed" for months or years.  (There was a case in a recent New England Journal of Medicine, about a man who had a progressive dementia and despite displaying the symptoms of dementia--which aren't the same as depression--two doctors called it depression.)  It's made in error by the very specialists who should know better--psychologists and psychiatrists both have, on occasion, diagnosed depression in someone who actually had a completely different illness.

So, without a scrap of qualification other than having had bouts of clinical depression, knowing other people who had depression, having known people who were suicidal and some actually killed themselves--and some reading--I'm convinced that this co-pilot may have been unhappy, but he wasn't suffering just clinical depression.  Ramming an airplane full of passengers and crew into a mountain takes a different motivation.*  It's important to figure out what, and why, because it's the only way to refine the screening for aircrew and prevent (most) future intentional air crashes.   Depressed people kill themselves.  Angry people kill others (and sometimes themselves.)   Some people are both depressed and angry--some angry as part of personality disorders, some as a result of substance abuse, some as a result of traumatic brain injury that affects multiple brain functions--and these people--not all depressed people--are more likely to harm others.  The combination of depression with another condition that lowers inhibition, increases levels of anger, and affects executive function is far more dangerous to others than depression alone.

* I have my own guess about that motivation, but for that I have even less data than for the actual state of the co-pilot's brain.

First Bluebonnet

Spring in Texas begins when bluebonnets start blooming, so the exact date varies across the state.  This was almost our first bluebonnet--the first opened in the rain, when I didn't want to take the camera out--and was photographed two days ago.  We have more now, and will have a big wide field of them soon.  The plants are there, but not all the flowers are open.

This species of bluebonnet is Lupinus texensis, endemic to central Texas.  In a good year it produces fields of vivid deep sky blue and an enchanting fragrance.  Once we were sailing (in a Folboat with a sail kit) on Inks Lake at exactly the right time to have the wind across the lake blow the fragrance of bluebonnets on the other side across to us.  Such beauty.

I meant to post this simultaneously in my LJ and Nature's Beauty, but put it there instead, so this one has different text.