Doug Ward's Blog, page 9

Ward's Words #1215

Isn’t Uber kind of like calling your buddy to pick you up and slipping him a couple of bucks?  That is, if your friends are complete strangers.

Ward's Words #1212

Next time you adjust that expensive necktie or snuggle under that satiny sheet remember, that soft silk came out of a worms butt. 

Ward's Words #1211

I think all food should be cooked and served on a stick.  No pesky plates or forks, the food will be consumed and the stick neatly disposed of.  Sure, pudding might be a challenge and I’m still working out the problems with soup (maybe a communal soup/gravy boat), but all in all, I think it’s the future of dining.

Ward's Words #1209

I love those people who put black tape over the camera on their computer to prevent hackers from seeing them. Umm, your computer has a microphone. You can turn it off but a hacker can certainly turn it back on. Also, many of these people have an Alexa or Google Home so having an active listening device is probably of little concern. By the way, your smart TV also has a camera. 

Ward's Words #1207

I believe barbers should charge by the volume of the customer's hair, not the style of the cut (Looks like I'll be paying pennies on the dollar.)

Ward's Words #1205

I will be giving my State of the Onion address tonight.  Right now, it’s gurgling around in my gut but I’m pretty sure it’ll be making a second appearance as reflux soon.

Ward's Words #1203

You’d think the food pyramid would be skinnier?

Ward's Words #1200

Does it strike anyone else odd that almost every member of Congress looks like gramma or grandpa.  Didn’t they ever hear about retirement?

Ward's Words #1199

You’d think a cuttlefish would be more cuddly.

Ward's Words #1196

I can’t wait until I retire.  Aerobics in the pool, that’s my speed, baby.