Doug Ward's Blog, page 68

Ward's Words #262

It’s finally spring, so it’s time to break out my Magnum PI shorts and show some thigh.

Ward's Words #261

Things would have gone very differently if Newton was sitting under a coconut tree.

Ward's Words #258

There have been 9 dogs who played Lassie throughout the years.  They were all males.  I just wonder why they never told little Timmy.  He must’ve been confused his whole life.

Ward's Words #257

While channel surfing I watched a little bit of WWE’s RAW.  The fight scenes were so bad that I longed for something more realistic, like Capt. Kirk fighting the Gorn.

Ward's Words #254

I built a time machine out of the thousands of refrigerator magnates I've collected from my mail.  The only problem is it only it takes me past my expiration date.

Ward's Words #253

We, at Ward's Words, have invented the Bad Mood Ring. It comes two sizes too small and turns your finger green.

Ward's Words #251

If someone says, “Give them my best.”  Does that mean you can break into their home and find their choicest stuff and give it away?

Ward's Words #249

If you do paperwork at your job try typing it with 6pt text.  I like to tell my boss I'm saving the planet by using less paper.  It's only a happy coincidence that she gets massive headaches from eyestrain.

Ward's Words #247

I've decided I want to be a Sherpa. I want to spend my days guiding people through the mountains. The crisp untainted air, and the occasional Yeti....  Yes, an accountant is the life for me.

Ward's Words #245

Why do evil villains always shoot for Captain America’s upper body?  I’d go for his legs.  What is that shield?  Three feet at best.  Definitely, a leg shot would take him down.