Doug Ward's Blog, page 66

Ward's Words #310

Did you ever try to throw away a garbage can?  It's nearly impossible.  They are the boomerangs of the trash business.  I even wrote a note on one.  It said, “This is garbage.”  The waste management person wrote underneath, “No it's not.  It's where you put the garbage.  We call it a trash can.”

Ward's Words #308

My dad may look like Yoda, but he never trained me in the Jedi ways.  I think he’s holding out.

Ward's Words #306

I think Steakums bear that name because when you find out what they’re made of, your first comment is, "I thought these were steak ummm."

Ward's Words #304

My home is called a Craftsman.  I think it’s called that because I need a ton of Craftsman tools to keep it standing…

Ward's Words #302

I don’t like to watch Major League Baseball.  I find the constant of flashing gang symbols between the pitcher and catcher a little too disturbing.

Ward's Words #300

My dentist is a direct descendent from the one who worked on George Washington. If only I could get him to whittle my dentures a little faster...

Ward's Words #297

I find it redundant that they ship cardboard boxes in cardboard boxes.  I wonder if they get those shipping cardboard boxes from a cardboard box?

Ward's Words #295

Why don’t my dogs treats taste like beef and cheese?  That’s the last time I steal a snack from him.

Ward's Words #293

Just by his name Batman strikes fear in his foes.  I just don’t get Robin.  Maybe if he is battling The Worm…

Ward's Words #291

The catcher on my high school baseball team only had one finger on his throwing hand.  I thought he really liked my fastballs.