Doug Ward's Blog, page 65
May 18, 2015
Ward's Words #330
At what age do you stop playing the lottery? What are you going to buy? You’re too old to travel. You can’t taste rich foods. Where does the spending spree start? “I’m gonna get that second set of dentures for eating corn.”
May 16, 2015
Ward's Words #327
Why do we find the idea of eat some cookies with a big old glass of human breast milk so unappetizing, but exchange the human milk with a cows shouldn’t that be even more gross?
May 14, 2015
Ward's Words #326
If Darwin would have found my septic tank he wouldn’t have needed to go all the way to Galapagos Island, he could have seen evolution here. Sure, it may be more of a mutation, but I’m seriously considering changing my diet.
May 13, 2015
Ward's Words #324
When my dad got his pacemaker changed I asked for the old one. I figured it'd be good for something on eBay. I mean it lasted 7 years on one charge. My phone completely drains in a day. It’s probably some kind of alien technology.
May 11, 2015
Ward's Words #322
Does anyone else get anxious while having an eye exam. The constant, "which is better. This or this." I get flustered and start second guessing my choices.
May 10, 2015
Ward's Words #319
After passing a shoe lying beside the road, did you ever try to piece together what happened? Why one shoe? I feel like Castle, trying to piece together the scene of the crime. I know what a single sock means but a shoe?
May 8, 2015
Ward's Words #318
I thought I'd redesign the laptop. I guess thinking outside the box was a bad idea. The lapbottom tended to overheat and had a really weird smell.
May 7, 2015
Ward's Words #315
I went to the store to purchase two mother’s day cards. The clerk asked me for $14.00 for the pair and I walked out. $7.00 apiece for something that is going to be opened, read, passed around the room and by the end of the day, be in the garbage can. No way, I tell ya. Where're my crayons!!!
May 5, 2015
Ward's Words #313
I had the great idea to tie dye my swimming trunks. I guess I shouldn't have used watercolor paints. Worse yet, I went really heavy on the yellow.
May 4, 2015
Ward's Words #312
I joined the back hair club for men. I'm not just a member, I'm the president and after I take my shirt off, their God.
