Doug Ward's Blog, page 64

Ward's Words #350

I wanted to be a grown man, but after trying bunches of clusters of pine cones, I’ll stick to  some good old Captain Crunch.

Ward's Words #348

The weatherman said there was a slow moving stationary front in our area. I don't think he understands what stationary means.

Ward's Words #346

Most artists I know use a number 2 pencil.  That’s it.  If I really want to go dark I might add a 4B, but that’s only when I’m feeling a bit wild.  All those other pencils, included in sets, are a waste.

Ward's Words #344

I had to close my origami animal petting zoo. Paper cuts started a feeding frenzy in the paper tiger area and with the price of band aids.  I just had to fold my business.

Ward's Words #341

I bought an Egg McMuffin knock-off at a local gas station.  a sticker on it’s side said it’s best if used by Monday.  I’m just trying to figure out which Monday they were talking about?

Ward's Words #340

Whatever happened to the No #1 pencil?

Ward's Words #338

The crack researchers at Ward's Words have uncovered a new disease. It's called Sudden Bowel Movement or SBM. We correlated it when we get a good 20 miles from home and I have to find a bathroom suddenly. Oh, that gentle swaying of the car lulls my bowels into action every time.

Ward's Words #335

When I see someone wearing pajamas out in public, I immediately wonder if those are his/her good pjs.  You know, the ones you’d wear on special occasions.

Ward's Words #334

I tried to make my very own Godzilla by placing my lizard in the microwave.  I figured microwaves, radiation, heck, they’re probably the same thing.  Now, the house has a funky smell and I have to clean the microwave… again.  How was I supposed to know how long to put him in for?

Ward's Words #332

Since the Greek god Pan was the inspiration for the goatee, could we say the facial hair style was inspired by a goat?  Because I usually choose my styles from domesticated animals.