Doug Ward's Blog, page 63
June 17, 2015
Ward's Words #370
Many years ago, when I was single, I was dumped by the girl I'd been dating. I asked my dad for advice and he said there are plenty of fish in the sea. We caught two bass and a walleye before he explained he meant girls.
June 16, 2015
Ward's Words #367
Not to say my wife is a bad driver but I have researched the best position to be in prior to the deployment of passenger side airbags.
June 14, 2015
Ward's Words #366
When I go on vacation I can never poop. It takes me a few days of being home to work that canon ball sized chunk of human waste out of my bowels. But when I go to a fair, I notice some people are so relaxed that they can poop in a small, blazing hot port-a-john.
June 13, 2015
Ward's Words #363
Point Pleasant, West Virginia built a huge bug zapper manufacturing plant and coincidentally the Mothman hasn't been seen since.
June 12, 2015
Ward's Words #362
You'd think that we would've advanced past the use of shoelaces. Velcro made a good attempt and was warmly embraced by the AARP crowd, but never got a foothold elsewhere. We haven't even changed the knot in decades. We're getting ready to colonize Mars, but we use footwear from the 1600's. One step from the buckled shoes of the pilgrims, we boldly stride into the 21st century.
June 11, 2015
Ward's Word #359
Sure, we all know to stay away from a white panel van with no windows, but add some ice cream music and they're irresistible.
June 9, 2015
Ward's Words #357
I watched another chick flick. This one was different. They started out hating each other then liked each other and then there was a misunderstanding and then he stopped her at the airport and everything worked out. See, it's completely different from...
June 7, 2015
Ward's Words #356
In movies everyone has a theme song. The sad thing is mine is the theme from the Three Stooges.
June 6, 2015
Ward's Words #353
At my last job interview, I did the Basic Instinct (Sharon Stone) leg cross. You should’ve seen the look on the Human Resource woman’s face. Totally stunned. I think I nailed it!!!
June 5, 2015
Ward's Words #351
Free doughnut day is a complete scam. In order to get the free doughnut, you have to buy something. Since when does free involve a qualifying purchases? I got all worked up for a rip-off. Even wasted a personal day for the event.
