Doug Ward's Blog, page 47
February 15, 2016
Ward's Words #681
Remember, your homes curb appeal is only good when you try to sell it. In order to better protect your house from thieves the fine people at Ward's Words have developed a new product called curb repel. It is made from recycled corrugated cardboard and will give any home the look of a large refrigerator box.
February 14, 2016
Ward's Words #679
I don't understand it. Charlie Brown was so infatuated with the little red haired girl but yet he never knew her name. Charlie Brown's one crappy stalker.
February 13, 2016
Ward's Woods #676
I always start flossing a few days before I visit the dentist. It’s a freaking bloodbath, but I think I have him fooled.
February 12, 2016
Ward's Words #675
If I told you about people playing hurt, maybe lacking teeth or bearing various scars from stitches, you’d think I was talking about a hockey game. Alas, no, I’m referring to the last time I played bingo. Sure, it was an old-folks home but those seniors can get pretty feisty.
February 11, 2016
Ward's Words #672
I had my mouth swabbed for a DNA test. They found that I was German, French, Irish, and meatloaf. Maybe I should’ve brushed my teeth before the swabbing happened.
February 10, 2016
Ward's Words #671
With those hipster beards all the rage, I feel bad for the guys who have trouble growing even just a few chin hairs. Addressing this inequity, The fine people at Ward’s Words have created “The Neard.” Nearly a beard, The Neard is a toupee for the chin that looks really great unless you get to near. Don’t be a nerd, wear a Neard.
February 6, 2016
Ward's Words #669
When I was a child, I remember the day my father abdicated the throne for me. I really had to go and it was number two…
February 4, 2016
Ward's Words #667
At the college I attended, the science facility had a clean room. You’d think they’d fire their custodians. One freak ‘en clean room.
February 3, 2016
Ward's Words #664
Why is Superman's heat vision red. He is weakened by Kryptonite which is green but emits the red rays from his home worlds sun. He gains his strength from our yellow sun which emits a white light. Did DC comics just like throwing colors in there just to confuse us?
February 1, 2016
Ward's Words #663
I should've never moved near a rifle range. Every time they start shooting I think it's the beginning of the zombie apocalypse and take steps to ensure my safety. Let's just say my neighbors are really glad I'm a terrible shot.
