Doug Ward's Blog, page 43

Ward's Words #760

Being an artist sure doesn't help me with my DIY projects around the home. My Cubism plumbing, for instance, is a clog waiting to happen. 

Ward's Words #758

So many newspapers are going out of business.  What’s superman going to do when the daily planet goes under?  I fear for our country…

Ward's Words #757

I am against the cruel things farmers do when raising chicken.  To battle this gross treatment I pledge only to eat eggs.  That way I figure I’m beating them to the punch and stopping the cruelty before it starts.

Ward's Words #754

Alright. I'll admit it. Playing Jenga with railroad ties was a bad idea. Playing it where there is no cell connection was even a worse idea. 

Ward's Words #752

Why would Kryptonians invent a chamber that turns them from super beings to humans?  What purpose would it have had on their planet where they were already like humans.

Ward's Words #751

As a home designer, my greatest achievement and most crushing failure was my open concept kitchen/bathroom.  I knew I should’ve stopped at that gas station before the first open house.

Ward's Words #748

I’m going to make stainless steel sharks teeth as replacements for the elderly. I think I’m going to call them, “Dentures for the Daring.”

Ward's Words #746

People love to be trendy. I hear some say they love Johnny Cash but I never hear them listening to him. Let's start a new hipster fad and call it, “The way it really is.” He sucks in the framework of today's music. 

Ward’s Words #745

That moment when your employer is so sick of spending money on health care, of which he feels not enough employees are using, he decides to add black mold to the building.

Ward's Words #742

Seriously, I thought it was pants optional day at work today. Drat, why did it have to coincide with Aquaman Thursday.  Human resources is gonna hear about this.