Doug Ward's Blog, page 42

Ward's Words #780

I think we should go back to black and white TV. It'll even the playing field for everyone who’s colorblind. 

Ward's Words #778

Ok, I broke down and bought a pair of fashion jeans. You know, the kind with the holes built into them. Well, I wore them over to my mom's house and within seconds, they were patched and I was told they were now play clothes only. 

Ward's Words #776

I don't want to make fun of the fashion jeans with holes in them but how do you know when they're worn out?  

Ward's Words #774

If hotels refer to us as guests shouldn’t we stay for free?  I mean I let my guests stay for…  Wait a minute.  What kind of patsy am I?  Next Thanksgiving, my freeloading family’s getting a bill.

Ward's Words #773

I can’t wait till I’m old enough to wear cell phone holster so I can look like a gunslinger with a flip phone.

Ward's Words #770

I wish the people in Eggo commercials would learn to use both of the slots in their toaster. That way, they could toast two of their savory waffles and avoid future domestic disputes. 

Ward's Words #768

While pumping gas I always press the "Speak to attendant" button. It gets lonely standing there all by myself. 

Ward's Words #766

Where does the voice in my head come from when I read and why doesn't it sound more like Morgan Freeman. 

Ward's Words #765

Like Native Americans, I believe in using the whole animal so I'll be eating Slim Jims for every meal. 

Ward's Words #762

I can see the next hipster trend.  The return of the 8-Track Tape…