Doug Ward's Blog, page 38

Ward's Words #862

I thought wearing a captains hat would make me like an 80's rock star. Sadly, at this age it only makes me look like the Skipper from Gilligan's Island. 

Ward's Words #860

I cut my finger while on the beach. Ocean water, being so salty like a liquid septic stick should staunch the flow of blood. Right?

Ward's Words #858

There's no smoking on the beaches which isn't a good thing cause I sure was smoking in my new mankini. 

Ward's Words #856

Sadly, the only inheritance my family will get from me is my National Geographic collection and maybe the toenails I clipped and casually dropped behind the couch.

Ward's Words #854

I liked tunafish much better before they took the dolphin out of it.

Ward's Words #851

They appraised my house as a one bathroom even after I showed them the second bathroom behind the bush in the back yard.  

Ward's Words #850

I thought my new job as a lab monitor was going to be impressive. That's until I found out it was at a dog park. 

Ward's Words #848

I think baseball needs a fast forward button. Does everybody need a 3 minute crotch adjustment time. 

Ward's Words #846

Universal Pictures rejected my movie idea. They said 3 shade of Ward was a bit pedestrian.

Ward's Words #844

You know you're friends are all old people when most of their email contacts end in .aol