Doug Ward's Blog, page 115
June 12, 2013
Ward's Laws #1318
Why did our parents let us buy those tasty candy necklaces? Didn't they understand that 9 year olds and summer heat created a colorful yet sticky sweat line around our necks. And buying them while visiting the Everglades was just plain cruel! I still have mosquito bites from that night...
Ward's Laws #1317
Why don't ant farms have tiny tractors?
June 11, 2013
Ward's Laws #1315
I equate teenage BO to second hand smoke. Sure stinky pits aren't banned from restaurants but they can sure clear them out.
June 10, 2013
Ward's Laws #1313
Humans shed about 30,000 and 40,000 skin cells every hour. Couple that with about 5 hair follicles in the same time span. And people wonder why I don't swim in public pools. There has to be 80 people in that soup.
June 9, 2013
Ward's Laws #1312
I tried to watch an old VHS tape on my 1080p HD TV. I think I did something terrible. Gramma was all blurry and looked kind of like that girl from the ring. She moved all herky jerky and then it all went blank. Now I'm paranoid and I think I'm going to die horrible paranormal death...
June 8, 2013
Ward's Laws #1310
I wonder what the statistics are for Psychics getting in car wrecks?
Ward's Laws #1309
Is it sad that I criticize most zombie movies over their use of chainsaws? Come on. They'd get awfully heavy.
June 6, 2013
Ward's Laws #1308
At my age 5 is it bad if I take 5 hour energy to inspire a power nap?
Ward's Laws #1307
Antibacterial soap makes me feel like I'm committing genocide.
June 3, 2013
Ward's Laws #1304
What are short people going to do now that phone books and catalogs are pretty much nonexistent?
