Doug Ward's Blog, page 114
June 30, 2013
Ward's Laws #1339
So I install this new ringtone on my cell phone. It sounds just like machine gun fire. Well, I'm standing on this street corner next to a cop when my mom calls. Lets just say the men in blue have very little sense of humor.
Ward's Laws #1338
A team from the EPA raided my home today. They said they've been monitoring a massive hole in the ozone layer right above my home. They also confiscated my recliner saying it was giving off unusual readings...
June 28, 2013
Ward's Laws #1335
I just know that during the Zombie Apocalypse I'll be that undead guy roaming the burned out earth in only my underwear... I hope I'm not wearing my tighty-whities the day I get bit...
Ward's Laws #1334
So, I recently went to my pharmacist and asked him for an extra refill of my prescriptions for my Zombie bug out bag. Now I need a new pharmacist...
June 27, 2013
Ward's Laws #1333
I keep a deflated whoopee cushion on my chair so I can have a plausible excuse.
June 26, 2013
Ward's Laws #1331
What's Captain Crunch made of? Insulation? Every time I eat it it rips the crap out of the roof of my mouth.
Ward's Laws #1330
For all the young men out there. Never try telling a woman you were an assassin in the Salvation Army. They see through that every time.
June 24, 2013
Ward's Laws #1328
Why is it I can go weeks without a bird pooping on my car but as soon as I wash it my vehicle becomes a poop magnet!
June 22, 2013
Ward's Laws #1324
You can tell the bank robbers who read Superman comic books. They're the ones who stick up tellers thinking a pair of fake glasses is a good disguise.
