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Mykle Hansen quotes (showing 1-12 of 12)

“As long as there are things and idiots, idiots will break things.”
Mykle Hansen, Rampaging Fuckers of Everything on the Crazy Shitting Planet of the Vomit Atmosphere
“If I was a worrier I'd worry, but not being a worrier I'm just sort of confused and pissed off.”
Mykle Hansen, HELP! A Bear is Eating Me!
tags: worry
“Some managers hire people they're excited to work with. I prefer to hire people I'm excited to dominate.”
Mykle Hansen, HELP! A Bear is Eating Me!
tags: work
“We've tried to live in balance with nature long enough. This time nature went too far. As soon as you and your fiance are safely out of here, I'm calling in an air strike to napalm this whole forest.”
Mykle Hansen, HELP! A Bear is Eating Me!
tags: nature
“But three cheers for Alaska, they've got 24-hour hot fucking bear delivery.
Note to self: Nuke Alaska.”
Mykle Hansen, HELP! A Bear is Eating Me!
“As long as there`s poverty, there will be millionaires.”
Mykle Hansen
“Kids today, they can't even read unless it's spelled wrong on a phone.”
Mykle Hansen, Rampaging Fuckers of Everything on the Crazy Shitting Planet of the Vomit Atmosphere
“Vegetarians never wonder where their fields come from, or who had to be removed to make room for the plow.”
Mykle Hansen
“To the man of taste, most things taste terrible.”
Mykle Hansen
“Millionaires need to convince themselves, constantly, that they are still millionaires.”
Mykle Hansen
“On the seventh days she underwent repairs. A machine longs to be used, but it hates to be mishandled. The strain of extreme anal fisting, pony shows and nosecocking tested the limits of her robot durability. But Dr. Hugo Sploogeworthy, flush with renewed funding for Project Ultrafuck, addressed her injuries with a series of upgrades: a harder, more sensitive skin; removable and interchangeable modular genitals in both genders and a variety of pubic hairstyles; a breakaway stunt nose. He also tested other new features requested specifically by the NAFTA military: nipple tasers, supersensitive fingercams, an anal jetpack. The NAFTA leaders dreamed of a robot that could do double duty, killing and copulating, simultaneously if possible. They wanted mass-produced Slutbots, giant-breasted and strong, ten feet tall, armed with cannons, able to double as crowd-control systems when not producing porn or fellating members of Congress. They wanted Slutbots that could mint money and mine coal, fulfill erotic fantasies and survive a nuclear winter. As society crumbled in their fists, the leaders grew paranoid. Sex and power were their simple needs, and in the golden age of robotics they expected Slutbot and her kin to take care of all the messy details.”
Mykle Hansen, I, Slutbot
“I've seen pictures of their dicks so I know I can trust them.”
Mykle Hansen, Rampaging Fuckers of Everything on the Crazy Shitting Planet of the Vomit Atmosphere


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