Goodreads helps you follow your favorite authors. Be the first to learn about new releases!
Start by following W.C. Fields.

W.C. Fields W.C. Fields > Quotes


W.C. Fields quotes Showing 1-30 of 67

“I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally. ”
W.C. Fields
“If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.”
W.C. Fields
“It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.”
W.C. Fields
“I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.”
W.C. Fields
“If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit.”
W.C. Fields
“I never hold a grudge. As soon as I get even with the son-of-a bitch, I forget it.”
W.C. Fields
“Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.”
W.C. Fields
“I don't drink water. Fish fuck in it.”
W.C. Fields
“Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.”
W.C. Fields
“Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.”
W.C. Fields
“A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money”
W.C. Fields
“Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people. ”
W.C. Fields
“I like children. If they're properly cooked.”
W. C. Fields
“A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.”
W.C. Fields
“Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.”
W.C. Fields
“Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.”
W.C. Fields
“Marry an outdoors woman. That way, if you have to throw her out into the yard for the night, she can still survive.”
W.C. Fields
“Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler. ”
W.C. Fields
“No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.”
W.C. Fields
“I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.”
WC Fields
“Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against.”
W.C. Fields
“Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!”
W. C. Fields
“The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.”
W.C. Fields
“You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.”
W.C. Fields
“I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.”
W. C. Fields
“It is funnier to bend things than to break them.”
W. C. Fields
“You can fool some of the people some of the time -- and that's enough to make a decent living.”
W.C. Fields
“Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.”
W.C. Fields
“Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill?

Oh, thank goodness... I thought I'd lost it.”
W. C. Fields
“I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.”
W.C. Fields

« previous 1 3

All Quotes | Add A Quote


Fields for President Fields for President
61 ratings
Open Preview