Goodreads helps you follow your favorite authors. Be the first to learn about new releases!
Start by following N.M. Silber.

N.M. Silber N.M. Silber > Quotes


more photos (1)

N.M. Silber quotes Showing 1-30 of 70

“I want more than a one-nighter with a meal plan.”
N.M. Silber, The Law of Attraction
“I was incapable of producing
anything coherent at the moment so
rather than throwing out some witty
banter in response I said something like
“Ohgaahaad” instead. Feel free to quote
me.”
N.M. Silber, The Law of Attraction
tags: humor
“If I say it, will you say it too?" I asked, swallowing hard, even though my mouth was dry. I willed him silently not to joke around or say anything that could hurt me.

"Yes, but I need to hear you say it first," he answered with a voice filled with tension.

"What are you, four? Why can't we just say it at the same time?" I asked, panicking.

"Because that's stupid. And when I was four, I said it by licking your Fruit Roll-Up. Why can't you just say it? Don't you trust me?"

"Why do you always get to decide who does what? I let you lift, and I wiped!"

"You're comparing us declaring our love for each other to wiping a baby's ass?!"

"Ah Ha! You said it!" I announced victoriously.

"I did not! I was saying it generally! That's different than saying it!"

"You said 'declaring our love'!"

"That's different than saying 'I love you'!"

"Ah ha!" I cried again.

"Oh Jesus H. Christ! Who's the one who's four?! Will you just say it, woman?!"

"Fine! I love you, you asshole!"

"I love you too, you nutty broad!”
N.M. Silber, Legal Briefs
“I hated giving out free legal advice at parties, but at that moment, I would have drafted her will in crayon on a cocktail napkin ...”
N.M. Silber, The Law of Attraction
“There, I saw Adam messing around with a container of tic tacs. I had found the source of the cinnamon taste of his kisses. He looked up.

"Want one?" he offered.

"Sure, thanks," I replied. He proceeded to knock exactly one tic tac into his palm and hand it to me. "Are you sure you can spare this?" I asked solemnly.

"How many did you want?"

"Well, more than one. Who gives somebody one tic tac? Would it kill to be a little more generous? some psychologist somewhere probably has some theory about one tic tac givers and fear of commitment."

"Fear of commitment, my ass. You should be committed, you loon. If you were intended to have more than one tic tac, they would have just made tic tacs bigger. This is regulation sized tic tac, and it should be more than enough to satisfy your breath freshening needs," he said, sounding affronted.

"A tic tac is not merely a breath freshener, it is a candy," I pointed out, voice rising in anger. Who was he calling a loon? "And they make them small on purpose, so you'll think you're getting more, and so you'll run out faster when someone asks for one, and you will give them a few!"

"Why would someone ask for A tic tac when they really wanted several tic tacs? What does that say about their psychology?! Why not be honest from the get-go about what you want?!" he shouted back at me.

" I didn't ask for one! You offered me one, God damn it!"

"And as for your other points, it is primarily a breath freshener, and maybe you should alert the media about your great tic tac size conspiracy!"

"I can't believe we're fighting about motherfucking tic tacs!" I screamed and the two of us glowered each other across my desk for several seconds before smiles slowly appeared on both of our faces.

"Want to have make-up sex?" he asked.

"Yeah, let's go," I said, getting up and heading for the bedroom.”
N.M. Silber, Legal Briefs
“Holy freaking moly! Harvard really was well endowed!”
N.M. Silber, The Law of Attraction
“Do you want to fuck me, Adam?" I asked through gritted teeth.
"Is this a trick question?”
N.M. Silber, Legal Briefs
“Do you know why the characters in my book look like us?”
“Pure coincidence?” he asked with a smile.
“Because I was fantasizing about us doing all those things together when I wrote it.”
“Are you trying to make me cry?”
N.M. Silber, Legal Briefs
“Just flirt with him and see what happens - those were famous last words if I ever heard them.”
N.M. Silber, The Law of Attraction
“I’m not adorable,” I said, feeling unreasonably irritated. “Chipmunks are adorable. I’m empowered.”
N.M. Silber, Legal Briefs
“I want to have hot, sweaty, monkey sex with you. Okay, perhaps that's too candid.”
N.M. Silber, The Law of Attraction
“Oh God! Oh God! Oh God!” “Oh, who?” he asked, pausing. “Oh Adam?” “That’s more like it.”
N.M. Silber, Legal Briefs
“Just you, Lily. Give me your hand," he said, taking one of his off the wheel and glancing quickly at me."
"Why?" I asked suspiciously.
"Because I want to arm wrestle. Because I want to hold it, you nutty broad. Why do you think?" I reached out and grabbed his hand and he squeezed mine gently.”
N.M. Silber, Legal Briefs
“Okay," Adam began, "Now concentrate! This was a real person. White suit!"
"Colonel Sanders!" Lily replied quickly.
"Colonel Sanders? I said it was a real person, not a logo for a chicken joint!"
"He was a real person! If you don't believe me look it up!"
"Whatever! Not Colonel Sanders though. Humor!" he said urgently.
"Steve Martin!" She clapped her hands with joy, obviously believing that they had finally gotten one right.
"No, uh..." He searched for another clue.
"Wait! White suit and humor but not Steve Martin?" She looked crushed.
"I just said no!" He yelled! "Hannibal!"
"Um, uh, Dumbo..." she said with a deeply pensive expression.
"Dumbo?! What the fuck?!"
"Hannibal! Elephants! And before you say it he was real, too, you schmuck!"
"Guess again goddamnit!"
"Anthony Hopkins!" Adam threw down the card and looked like he was going to cry.
"Halley's Comet!" he growled.
"Halley's Comet?! What in the hell do you mean Halley's Comet!"
"Time!" Braden informed them gleefully, wiping tears of laughter out of his eyes.
"Mark Twain! You're an author Christ's sake!" Adam bit out.
"Oh, right! He was from Hannibal, Missouri! What in the hell did Halley's Comet have to do with Mark Twain?!"
"It appeared on the day he was born and the day he died! Duh huh!" Adam said.
"This isn't Trivial fucking Pursuit!" Lily shot back. "Why didn't you say Mississippi or riverboat or frog jumping contest or something besides Halley's Motherfucking Comet?!"
"Because they're all forbidden motherfucking words! Miss 'like a human'!" he yelled.”
N.M. Silber, The Home Court Advantage
“ Okay, this is a fictional character," Lily began. "And he's like a human."
"What?" Adam asked her, looking befuddled. "What the fuck does that mean? He's like a human?" He shook his head and scowled at her.
"He wears clothes!" she said frantically. I had a feeling that this game had Lily on the verge of a nervous breakdown.
"He wears clothes. Great. Well, that narrows it down." The sands of the hourglass were pouring away and Braden, Cam, Jess and I, were laughing our asses off this exchange already.
"And he walks upright!" she added waving her hands frantically.
"I would hope that most of the people in this game walk upright! Give me a real fucking clue already!" Adam had that homicidal look again.
"Duh huh!" she said desperately.
"Hey! All you've told me is that he's a fictional character who wears clothes and walks upright. Don't duh huh me!" he spit out angrily.
"No! No! he says that!" Suddenly she started making barking noises.
"Are you okay?" he asked looking at her like she was nuts.
"Has a place in Florida..." She looked seriously stressed out. I was starting to worry.
"He's retired?" Adam asked, still looking confused.
"He wears bright colored clothes. He tells jokes."
"It sounds like you're describing my Uncle Murray," Adam was shaking his head.
"Time!" I yelled, almost peeing myself I was laughing so hard.
"Goofy! The answer was Goofy!" Lily said with disgust.
"Goofy?! That was the best you could come up with for Goofy?!”
N.M. Silber, The Home Court Advantage
“Well, I'm going to try. Better to practice on somebody else's kid first."

"Before what?" he asked, cautiously.

"I was just joking." Suddenly, I felt very defensive.

"You're sure your pill is working, right?"

"Yes! Don't worry, If I ever wanted to have a baby it doesn't have to be with you," I said, sensing rejection and fighting back.

"Well, who in the hell would it be with?" he asked, sounding irate.

"I don't know. I don't have a crystal ball."

"I've got news for you, Lilith. If you're going to be bearing anyone's children, they'll be mine," he said heatedly. Suddenly, the baby started crying.

"Now look what you did," I chastised. "You made him cry."

"I didn't make him cry. A shitty diaper made him cry. Now you want to take this on, I'll take it on with you. Bring him over here," Adam demanded, storming off with the diaper bag.”
N.M. Silber, Legal Briefs
“And this is your close friend, Drew?" he asked looking at Mark...

"Good buddy... Just hanging out here. Doing guy stuff."

"Talking about women. And sports. And beer. And uh..." Mark added.

"Condoms," Drew added and I rolled my eyes. Brilliant.”
N.M. Silber, The Home Court Advantage
“You've slept with Gabrielle?" Adam asked. "You haven't slept with her too, have you, Mark?"

"No!" Mark answered.

"Good, or I would have felt really left out.”
N.M. Silber, The Home Court Advantage
“The music came on and I was amused to hear Pitbull singing Mr. Right Now.”
N.M. Silber, Legal Briefs
“I have a penis," Josh announced out of the blue, pointing down into the water.

"That's because you're a boy," I explained sagely.

"Does Uncle Adam have a penis?"

"Oh yeah," I said with a smile. Adam looked up at me and tried not to laugh.

"Does Elmo have a penis?"

"Uh, well..." He had stumped me.”
N.M. Silber, Legally Wed
“Are you guys arguing?” Jess asked.

“Are we?” I asked.

“Maybe a little but that’s okay. Couples argue. We’ll figure it out and we can have make-up sex later,” Braden said, and Bruno yipped.

“Hey, I think the dog knows that word,” Mark said, studying Bruno curiously.

“Look who his parents are,” Adam said dryly. “God knows what he’s been exposed to. He probably needs psychoanalysis.”
N.M. Silber, The Law of Attraction
“Daddy? We’re the parents of a Chihuahua?” “You never know what the future holds. It would be good practice.” “For when we had puppies?”
N.M. Silber, The Law of Attraction
“Knock-offs may look good, but they never last as long as the real thing.”
N.M. Silber
“I need to get out more. I’m sniffing the prosecutors.”
N.M. Silber, The Law of Attraction
tags: humor
“Well, we need to make sure we don’t frighten him off. We’ll approach him very slowly and speak in quiet gentle tones. Put on some nice perfume and let him sniff you.”
N.M. Silber, The Law of Attraction
“Thanks. The women folk are downstairs. I would like to have your fiancé here join the other guys up in my man cave, where we can drink some good scotch and smoke a celebratory cigar in his honor," cam said patting Adam on the back.

"Great," I said rolling my eyes at Adam. "I hope you brought your Tic Tacs."

"As a matter of fact I did." He smirked. "Would you like one?"

"No thanks. I know how precious they are to you." I smiled back.”
N.M. Silber, Legally Wed
“Facebook page likes don't read books.”
N.M. Silber
“As long as he treats you with respect you can screw his brains out if you want!” “You’re”
N.M. Silber, The Law of Attraction
“We decided that we should do Shabbos dinner here and we invited the family,” my dad said.

“Please tell me you’re joking.”

“Gabby, sweetie,” my mom said consolingly. “It’s best to get it over with quickly, trust me.”

“Honey, I met them on my first date with your mother.” He looked at Braden. “I married her anyway.” I saw Braden try not to laugh. “It’s okay! You can laugh. We laugh a lot here. It keeps us sane and being sane is what separates us from the rest of Judy’s family.”
N.M. Silber, The Law of Attraction
“I predict that I'll be breaking out the 'right to a trial defense’ again,” I said, trying to not act any weirder than I already was.

“You don't think he'll be willing to plead guilty?”

“Probably not. He firmly believes that claiming to be a complete idiot will get him off.”

“You're very funny,” he said, leaning against the defense table right next to me again.

“Mr. Pierce, in my line of work, one either laughs or cries and I would rather laugh.” Oh Jesus H. Christ! I sounded like a country western song.”
N.M. Silber, The Law of Attraction

« previous 1 3

All Quotes | Add A Quote

The Law of Attraction (Lawyers in Love, #1) The Law of Attraction
10,399 ratings
Open Preview
Legal Briefs (Lawyers in Love, #3) Legal Briefs
4,089 ratings
Open Preview
The Home Court Advantage (Lawyers in Love, #2) The Home Court Advantage
4,771 ratings
Open Preview
Legally Wed (Lawyers in Love, #3.5) Legally Wed
2,063 ratings
Open Preview