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Dan Gutman quotes (showing 1-30 of 121)

“Sometimes we spend so much time and energy thinking about where we want to go that we don't notice where we happen to be.”
Dan Gutman, The Genius Files #4: From Texas with Love
“Do stupid stuff and even stupider suff will happen to you.”
Dan Gutman
“A lot of people seem nice when you first meet them. Then later you find out that they are evil villains who plan to take over the world.”
Dan Gutman, Miss Daisy Is Crazy!
“If the president and the Vice President dies who becomes President" "Thats easy Arnold Swartzanager”
Dan Gutman
“If you're going to break the rules, you might as well break them correctly.”
Dan Gutman
“footnote:

"With all due respect" is grown-up talk for "I think you're stupid.”
Dan Gutman, Mrs. Dole Is Out of Control!
“The way your life plays out depends on which dominoes you chose to push over and which ones you leave alone.”
Dan Gutman, The Homework Machine
“Thats the first rule of being a kid”
Dan Gutman, Mr. Klutz Is Nuts!
“In and effort to be fair, an umpire will sometimes cheat.”
Dan Gutman, It Ain't Cheating If You Don't Get Caught
“No matter what ya do to help somebody, it'll hurt somebody else.”
Dan Gutman, The Kid Who Became President
“...baseball freely admits that the sport--like civilized society--is crawling with bums.”
Dan Gutman, It Ain't Cheating If You Don't Get Caught
“Hey soda girl. You're flat.”
Dan Gutman
“ASSUME is to make an ASS of U and ME.”
Dan Gutman, The Genius Files #5: License to Thrill
“You wanna grow up to be a trivia question?" she asked, challenging me. "Or do you wanna make a difference in the world?”
Dan Gutman, The Kid Who Became President
“I want you to open that cabinet over the sink slowly,” Officer Spence ordered. “And then back away. No false moves, Cooney!” Mrs. Cooney went and opened the cabinet over the sink. There were some bandages in there and some bottles of aspirin. “Aha!” Officer Spence hollered. “Aspirin! Can you get that stuff in a drugstore?” “Well, yes, of course,” Mrs. Cooney said. “Just as I suspected!” Officer Spence shouted. “You’re a drug dealer!” “WHAT?!” “You’re handing out drugs to innocent children!” Officer Spence yelled as he wheeled in a portable jail cell. “You should be ashamed of yourself. How do you sleep at night?” “I take NyQuil,” Mrs. Cooney said.”
Dan Gutman, Officer Spence Makes No Sense!
“Alan Shepard was the first and only interplanetary golfer,” Coke told his sister. “He was also the first and only interplanetary litterbug,” Moe said. “What he did was disgraceful.”
Dan Gutman, The Genius Files #5: License to Thrill
“You probably know that a raindrop falling into Lake Itasca in Minnesota will travel the length of the Mississippi and arrive at the Gulf of Mexico about ninety days later,” he said.”
Dan Gutman, From Texas with Love
“*It is a known fact that if you stand up on a chair, put your fingers in your ears, and announce “I love turnips,” people will think you’re weird.”
Dan Gutman, Mr. Sunny Is Funny!
“I gave my clothes away. How could I think about clothes when the poor people of Florida don’t even have a place to live?”
Dan Gutman, The Kid Who Became President
“ASS of U and ME.”
Dan Gutman, The Genius Files #5: License to Thrill
“It was the great Russian author Chekhov who wrote, “If you say in the first chapter that there is a rifle hanging on the wall, in the second or third chapter it absolutely must go off. If it’s not going to be fired, it shouldn’t be hanging there.”
Dan Gutman, The Genius Files #5: License to Thrill
“Maybe flog slab is his name,” Pep guessed. “Flog Slab. It’s kinda cute, actually.” “That’s a pretty weird name,” Coke said. “Well, what do you expect an alien from another planet to be named?” asked his sister. “Bob?” “We”
Dan Gutman, The Genius Files #5: License to Thrill
“all the boring rehash of what happened up to this point. That saves me a lot of time and effort.”
Dan Gutman, The Genius Files #5: License to Thrill
“you know that just twelve years after our Revolutionary War, they had a revolution in France? So they were just a bunch of copycats. We also learned about some French guy named Napoleon who was always sticking his hand in his shirt. Nobody knew why. I guess he had a rash or something. That guy should get some ointment to put on his stomach.”
Dan Gutman, My Weird School Special: Oh, Valentine, We've Lost Our Minds!
“toobleshmoot?”
Dan Gutman, The Genius Files #5: License to Thrill
“Yeah, if Mickey Mouse was a mass murderer.”
Dan Gutman, You Only Die Twice
“I don’t want to be a chicken. I don’t want to be a duck. So I shake my butt.”
Dan Gutman, Miss Small Is off the Wall!
“Every bad thing that happens in the world is good for somebody.”
Dan Gutman
“A - ALPHA B - BRAVO C - CHARLIE D - DELTA E - ECHO F - FOXTROT G - GOLF H - HOTEL I - INDIA J - JULIETT K - KILO L - LIMA M - MIKE N - NOVEMBER O - OSCAR P - PAPA Q - QUEBEC R - ROMEO S - SIERRA T - TANGO U - UNIFORM V - VICTOR W - WHISKEY       X - X-RAY Y - YANKEE Z - ZULU”
Dan Gutman, The Genius Files #5: License to Thrill
“—swarmed by bats, abducted by aliens, sprayed with poison gas, had stuff dropped on our heads . . . ,” said Coke. “And all of these things actually happened?” asked Dr. McDonald. “You didn’t make any of it up?” “Yes, it all happened!” Pep shouted at him. “And a lot of other stuff, too. You could fill a—” “Book!” Dr. McDonald said, his eyes suddenly wide.”
Dan Gutman, The Genius Files #5: License to Thrill

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