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Jarod Kintz Jarod Kintz > Quotes


Jarod Kintz quotes (showing 61-90 of 7,339)

“Sometimes I ask myself, "Do I have the courage to do the right thing when it matters most?" And that answer, I'm afraid, is silence.”
Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale
“The wind blew my words away from you. So while I told you I love you, the phrase was carried in the opposite direction and landed 333 miles away in the ears of a confused farmer. He was nice, though. He sent me a kind letter saying that while he was flattered, I wasn’t really his type.”
Jarod Kintz, The Days of Yay are Here! Wake Me Up When They're Over.
“The morning always has a way of creeping up on me and peeking in my bedroom windows. The sunrise is such a pervert.”
Jarod Kintz, Who Moved My Choose?: An Amazing Way to Deal With Change by Deciding to Let Indecision Into Your Life
“I wish my stove came with a Save As button like Word has. That way I could experiment with my cooking and not fear ruining my dinner.”
Jarod Kintz, Who Moved My Choose?: An Amazing Way to Deal With Change by Deciding to Let Indecision Into Your Life
“I want to go to sleep in my time machine and wake up eight hours in the future.”
Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale
“My girlfriend bought me a collared shirt for my birthday, mainly so I don’t get too far ahead of her when she takes me for a walk.”
Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale
“I want to protect innocent people from sin by locking them in cages, where the evil can't get to them.”
Jarod Kintz, There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't
“If you were to ask me the best time of day to fall in love, I'd say, "Now." But you'd also have to remember to factor in the fact that my watch is eleven minutes fast.”
Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale
“If love had feathers and tasted like dog food, then I suggest you wear shoes with your banana pudding. (This statement also defines my political beliefs).”
Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale
“I could tell by their audible gasps that the people on the beach were jealous of me when I found five shark's teeth. Locating them wasn't really the problem, but pulling them out of my leg was.”
Jarod Kintz, It Occurred to Me
“Don’t try to hog loneliness and keep it all to yourself. Share it with a special someone.”
Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale
“If I had a dollar for every time a random woman walked up to me and tried to seduce me, I'd have 50 cents. That's assuming drag queens are half price.”
Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale
“Here's a haiku/palindrome I wrote called, "Obsession."

Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob,
Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob,
Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob”
Jarod Kintz, A Letter to Andre Breton, Originally Composed on a Leaf of Lettuce With an Ink-dipped Carrot
“Love is a circular emotion that surrounds you, like a hug. Or a noose.”
Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. And the ageless sages.
“More people are leaving TV behind to read my books than ever before. In the last year alone I gained over two readers (three, to be exact). So I’d like to take a moment and say thanks mom, dad, and kidnap victim I keep chained in the basement.”
Jarod Kintz, The Days of Yay are Here! Wake Me Up When They're Over.
“I’m on a government watch list. But I’m not interested, because government watches only work twenty minutes out of every hour.”
Jarod Kintz, At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.
“I want to get the words "Courage" and "Bravery" tattooed across my back, so people could associate me with those things as they read them while they chase me.”
Jarod Kintz, I Want
“Love is a bicycle with two pancakes for wheels. You may see love as more of an exercise in hard work, but I see it as more of a breakfast on the go.”
Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale
“If I have to beat you up to keep you safe, that’s just what I’ll do. It’s this kind of regard for others that makes me believe I’d be a good politician.”
Jarod Kintz, The Days of Yay are Here! Wake Me Up When They're Over.
“4 am—if I’m ever up that early, it’s because I’m up that late.”
Jarod Kintz, This Book Has No Title
“The only gift I have to give, is the ability to receive. If giving is a gift, and it surely is, then my gift to you is to allow you to give to me.”
Jarod Kintz, The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink.
“I wonder if rooms in an insane asylum have Do Not Disturb signs for the doors. I should hope not, because knock or no knock, every occupant in those rooms is already disturbed.”
Jarod Kintz, The Days of Yay are Here! Wake Me Up When They're Over.
“Too bad Americans can’t export Awesome, because I have boxes and boxes of the stuff just lying around in my attic.”
Jarod Kintz, At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.
“Not only am I thinking about getting a nose job, but I’m also trying to get employment for the rest of my face.”
Jarod Kintz, Great Listener Seeks Mute Women
“Selling something only to steal it back to sell again is not only dishonest, but highly profitable.”
Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale
“Love is like whoa! Actually, it's closer to woe.”
Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.
“When people change, I’m disappointed they’re not who I remember them being. And when people don’t change, I’m disappointed they still are who they were. All people do is disappoint, and I do mean all people.”
Jarod Kintz, The Days of Yay are Here! Wake Me Up When They're Over.
“Is a picture really worth a thousand words? What thousand words? A thousand words from a lunatic, or a thousand words from Nietzsche? Actually, Nietzsche was a lunatic, but you see my point. What about a thousand words from a rambler vs. 500 words from Mark Twain? He could say the same thing quicker and with more force than almost any other writer. One thousand words from Ginsberg are not even worth one from Wilde. It’s wild to declare the equivalency of any picture with any army of 1,000 words. Words from a writer like Wordsworth make you appreciate what words are worth.”
Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
“I am the broth of love. Make soup to me.”
Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.
“I like to spoon after I fork.”
Jarod Kintz, I Want


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