Goodreads helps you follow your favorite authors. Be the first to learn about new releases!
Start by following Marshall B. Rosenberg.

Marshall B. Rosenberg Marshall B. Rosenberg > Quotes


Marshall B. Rosenberg quotes Showing 31-60 of 168

“Life-alienating communication both stems from and supports hierarchical or domination societies, where large populations are controlled by a small number of individuals to those individuals, own benefit. It would be in the interest of kings, czars, nobles, and so forth that the masses be educated in a way that renders them slavelike in mentality. The language of wrongness, should, and have to is perfectly suited for this purpose: the more people are trained to think in terms of moralistic judgments that imply wrongness and badness, the more they are being trained to look outside themselves—to outside authorities—for the definition of what constitutes right, wrong, good, and bad. When we are in contact with our feelings and needs, we humans no longer make good slaves and underlings.”
Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life
“We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us, it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life: Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships
“As is often the case, these groups were more skilled in analyzing the perceived wrongness of others than in clearly expressing their own needs.”
Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life
“there is considerably less violence in cultures where people think in terms of human needs than in cultures where people label one another as “good” or “bad” and believe that the “bad” ones deserve to be punished. In”
Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life
“When I behaved in the way which I now regret, what need of mine was I trying to meet?” I”
Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life: Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships
“when people hear anything that sounds like criticism, they tend to invest their energy in self-defense or counterattack. If we wish for a compassionate response from others, it is self-defeating to express our needs by interpreting or diagnosing their behavior. Instead, the more directly we can connect our feelings to our own needs, the easier it is for others to respond to us compassionately.”
Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life: Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships
“This objective of getting what we want from other people—or getting them to do what we want them to do—threatens the autonomy of people, their right to choose what they want to do. And whenever people feel that they’re not free to choose what they want to do, they are likely to resist, even if they see the purpose in what we are asking and would ordinarily want to do it.”
Marshall B. Rosenberg, Living Nonviolent Communication: Practical Tools to Connect and Communicate Skillfully in Every Situation
“MBR: In my lifetime I’ve been called a multitude of names, yet I can’t recall seriously learning anything by being told what I am. I’d like to learn from your appreciation and enjoy it, but I would need more information.”
Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life
“my partner wants more affection than I’m giving her, she is “needy and dependent.” But if I want more affection than she is giving me, then she is “aloof and insensitive.”
Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life
“if readers have a sincere desire to make life miserable for themselves, they might learn to compare themselves to other people. For those unfamiliar with this practice, he provides a few exercises. The first one displays full-length pictures of a man and a woman who embody ideal physical beauty by contemporary media standards. Readers are instructed to take their own body measurements, compare them to those superimposed on the pictures of the attractive specimens, and dwell on the differences.”
Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life
“All criticism, attack, insults, and judgments vanish when we focus attention on hearing the feelings and needs behind a message. The more we practice in this way, the more we realize a simple truth: behind all those messages we've allowed ourselves to be intimidated by are just individuals with unmet needs appealing to us to contribute to their well-being.”
Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life
“Semanticist Wendell Johnson pointed out that we create many problems for ourselves by using static language to express or capture a reality that is ever changing: “Our language is an imperfect instrument created by ancient and ignorant men. It is an animistic language that invites us to talk about stability and constants, about similarities and normal and kinds, about magical transformations, quick cures, simple problems, and final solutions. Yet the world we try to symbolize with this language is a world of process, change, differences, dimensions, functions, relationships, growths, interactions, developing, learning, coping, complexity. And the mismatch of our ever-changing world and our relatively static language forms is part of our problem.”
Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life
“NVC heightens our awareness that what others say and do may be the stimulus, but never the cause, of our feelings. We see that our feelings result from how we choose to receive what others say and do, as well as from our particular needs and expectations in that moment. With this third component, we are led to accept responsibility for what we do to generate our own feelings.”
Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life: Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships
“Do not judge, and you will not be judged. For as you judge others, so you will yourselves be judged… —Holy Bible, Matthew 7:1”
Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life
“While we may not consider the way we talk to be “violent,” words often lead to hurt and pain, whether for others or ourselves. In”
Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life: Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships
“However, what lingered in my mind was that one person’s dissatisfaction. We tend to notice what’s wrong rather than what’s right.”
Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life
“recipients of such praise do work harder, but only initially. Once they sense the manipulation behind the appreciation, their productivity drops.”
Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life
“We deny responsibility for our actions when we attribute their cause to factors outside ourselves: Vague, impersonal forces—“I cleaned my room because I had to.” Our condition, diagnosis, or personal or psychological history—“I drink because I am an alcoholic.” The actions of others—“I hit my child because he ran into the street.” The dictates of authority—“I lied to the client because the boss told me to.” Group pressure—“I started smoking because all my friends did.” Institutional policies, rules, and regulations—“I have to suspend you for this infraction because it’s the school policy.” Gender roles, social roles, or age roles—”I hate going to work, but I do it because I am a husband and a father.” Uncontrollable impulses—“I was overcome by my urge to eat the candy bar.”
Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life: Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships
“We all pay dearly when people respond to our values and needs not out of a desire to give from the heart, but out of fear, guilt, or shame. Sooner or later, we will experience the consequences of diminished goodwill on the part of those who comply with our values out of a sense of either external or internal coercion. They, too, pay emotionally, for they are likely to feel resentment and decreased self-esteem when they respond to us out of fear, guilt, or shame. Furthermore, each time others associate us in their minds with any of those feelings, the likelihood of their responding compassionately to our needs and values in the future decreases.”
Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life
“Many people in fact have very negative associations with needs. They associate needs with being needy, dependant, selfish, and again I think that comes from our history of educating people to fit well into domination structures so that they are obedient and submissive to authority.”
Marshall B. Rosenberg, Practical Spirituality: The Spiritual Basis of Nonviolent Communication
“Everyone clings to their history with a vengeance, because it anchors their identity. So when Marshall advocated peaceful talk, he was advocating a new identity at the same time. He fully realized this fact. As he states about Nonviolent Communication and the role of the mediator in this new third edition, “We’re trying to live a different value system while we are asking for things to change.”
Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life: Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships
“Our attention is focused on classifying, analyzing, and determining levels of wrongness rather than on what we and others need and are not getting.”
Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life
“For centuries, the image of the loving woman has been associated with sacrifice and the denial of one’s own needs to take care of others. Because women are socialized to view the caretaking of others as their highest duty, they often learn to ignore their own needs.”
Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life
“feelings result from how we choose to receive what others say and do, as well as from our particular needs and expectations in that moment.”
Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life: Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships
“The Mask Always a mask Held in the slim hand whitely Always she had a mask before her face— Truly the wrist Holding it lightly Fitted the task: Sometimes however Was there a shiver, Fingertip quiver, Ever so slightly— Holding the mask? For years and years and years I wondered But dared not ask And then— I blundered, Looked behind the mask, To find Nothing— She had no face. She had become Merely a hand Holding a mask With grace. —Author unknown”
Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life
“I’ve just become aware that for thirty-six years, I was angry with your father for not meeting my needs, and now I realize that I never once clearly told him what I needed.”
Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life
“[My mother] related a childhood anecdote about one of her sisters who had an appendix operation and afterwards had been given a beautiful purse by another sister. My mother was fourteen at the time. Oh, how she yearned to have an exquisitely beaded purse like her sister's, but she dared not open her mouth. So guess what? She feigned a pain in her side and went the whole way with her story. Her family took her to several doctors. They were unable to produce a diagnosis and so opted for exploratory surgery. It had been a bold gamble on my mother's part, but it worked--she was given an identical little purse! When she received the coveted purse, my mother was elated despite being in physical agony from the surgery. Two nurses came in and one stuck a thermometer in her mouth. My mother said, 'Ummm, ummm,' to show the purse to the second nurse, who answered, 'Oh, for me? Why, thank you!' and took the purse! My mother was at a loss, and never figured out how to say, 'I didn't mean to give it to you. Please return it to me.' Her story poignantly reveals how painful it can be when people don't openly acknowledge their needs.”
Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life
“We deny responsibility for our actions when we attribute their cause to factors outside ourselves:”
Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life
“Teach this triple truth to all: A generous heart, kind speech, and a life of service and compassion are the things which renew humanity.” — THE BUDDHA”
Marshall B. Rosenberg, Speak Peace in a World of Conflict: What You Say Next Will Change Your World
“We only feel dehumanized when we get trapped in derogatory images of other people or thoughts of wrongness about ourselves. As author and mythologist Joseph Campbell suggested, “‘What will they think of me?’ must be put aside for bliss.” We begin to feel this bliss when messages previously experienced as critical or blaming begin to be seen for the gifts they are: opportunities to give to people who are in pain.”
Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life


All Quotes | Add A Quote


Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life Nonviolent Communication
22,783 ratings
Open Preview
Living Nonviolent Communication: Practical Tools to Connect and Communicate Skillfully in Every Situation Living Nonviolent Communication
617 ratings
Open Preview
Speak Peace in a World of Conflict: What You Say Next Will Change Your World Speak Peace in a World of Conflict
433 ratings
Open Preview
Raising Children Compassionately: Parenting the Nonviolent Communication Way Raising Children Compassionately
448 ratings
Open Preview