Douglas Adams > Quotes

“The summer sun was sinking through the trees in the [ark, looking as if -lets not mince words. Hyde Park is stunning. Everything about it is stunning except for the rubbish on Monday mornings. Even the ducks are stunning. Anyone who can go through Hyde Park on a summer's evening and not feel moved by it is probably going through in an ambulance with the sheet pulled over his face.”
― Douglas Adams, The Ultimate Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

“Life will always find a way og hanging on in somewhere.”
― Douglas Adams, Mostly Harmless

“Kompjuter je samom sebi zbrinuto zaćeretao primijetivši da se jedna zračna komora otvorila i zatim zatvorila bez ikakve logike.
To je bilo zato što je logika otišla sjesti na granu.
U Galaksiji se upravo otvorila rupa. Potrajala je točno jednu ništinku sekunde, bila je široka jenu ništinku centimetra, i dugačka poprilično milijuna svjetlosnih godina.
Dok se zatvaraala iz nje su ispale gomile papirnatih kapica i šarenih balona i odlutale univerzumom. Tim od sedam metar-visokih tržišnih analitičara ispao je iz nje i umro, dijelom od gušenja a dijelom od iznenađenja.
Dvjesto i trideset devet tisuća slabo pečenih jaja također je ispalo iz nje, materijalizirajući se u ogromnoj uzbibanoj gomili u izgladnjeloj zemlji Poghril u sustavu Pansel.
Cijelo poghrilsko pleme poumiralo je od gladi, osim zadnjeg člana koji je nekoliko tjedana kasnije umro od trovanja kolesterolom.”
― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

“Leave me,” he said, “go on ahead, leave me to struggle painfully on my way. My time at last is nearly come. My race is nearly run. I fully expect,” he said, feebly waving them on with a broken finger, “to come in last. It would be fitting. Here I am, brain the size—” “Shut up,” said Arthur.”
― Douglas Adams, The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

“POPULATION: None. It is known that there are an infinite number of worlds, simply because there is an infinite amount of space for them to be in. However, not every one of them is inhabited. Therefore, there must be a finite number of inhabited worlds. Any finite number divided by infinity is as near to nothing as makes no odds, so the average population of all the planets in the Universe can be said to be zero. From this it follows that the population of the whole Universe is also zero, and that any people you may meet from time to time are merely the products of a deranged imagination.”
― Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe

“Then why did you ask me?' it screamed.
'I just wanted something to talk to,' said Marvin.”
― Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe

“The argument goes something like this: 'I refuse to prove that I exist,' says God, 'for proof denies faith, and without faith I am nothing.'

'But,' says Man, 'the Babel fish is a dead giveaway, isn't it? It could not have evolved by chance. It proves you exist, and so therefore, by your own argument, you don't. QED.'

'Oh, dear,' says God, 'I hadn't thought of that,' and he promptly vanishes in a puff of logic.”
― Douglas Adams

“He said it isn’t easy being a cop.’ ‘Well surely that’s his problem, isn’t it?’ ‘I’d have thought so.”
― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

“McDonald’s, he thought. There is no longer any such thing as a McDonald’s hamburger.”
― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

“It’s translating for you. It’s a Babel fish. Look it up in the book if you like.”
― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

“With a microsecond pause, and a finely calculated micromodulation of pitch and timbre—nothing you could actually take offense at—Marvin managed to convey his utter contempt and horror of all things human.”
― Douglas Adams, The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

“Marvin: Look, look, no, just think. They left me - an ordinary, menial robot - to stop you - a gigantic, heavy-duty battle machine - whilst they ran off to save themselves... What do you think they would leave me with?
Frogstar Robot: Well, er, something pretty damn devastating I would expect.
Marvin: Expect? Oh yes, expect. I'll tell you what they gave me to protect myself with, shall I?
Frogstar Robot: Yes all right.
Marvin: Nothing.
Frogstar Robot: What?
Marvin: Nothing at all. Not an electronic sausage.
Frogstar Robot: Well, doesn't that just take the biscuit!”
― Douglas Adams

“Questo Arthur Dent" gridano dalle più lontane aree della Galassia (e di recente si è scoperto che una simile domanda era addirittura scritta a chiare lettere su una misteriosa sonda dello spazio profondo che pare provenga da una galassia aliena situata in un luogo così spaventosamente lontano che la mente non può nemmeno concepirlo) "che cos'è, un uomo o un complessato? Non gli interessano altro che il tè e i problemi metafisici della vita? Non ha spirito? Non ha passioni? Per dirla in parole povere, non scopa mai?"
Coloro che desiderano saperlo dovranno leggere i successivi capitolo.
Gli altri sono liberi di saltarne un pò e arrivare all'ultimo, che è un bel capitolo dove si ritroverà il robot Marvin.”
― Douglas Adams, So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish

“He slumped against a bulkhead and started to count to ten. He was desperately worried that one day sentient life forms would forget how to do this. Only by counting could humans demonstrate their independence of computers.”
― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

“Now see here, guy,’ said the voice on the loud hailer, ‘you’re not dealing with any dumb two-bit trigger-pumping morons with low hairlines, little piggy eyes and no conversation, we’re a couple of intelligent caring guys that you’d probably quite like if you met us socially! I don’t go around gratuitously shooting people and then bragging about it afterwards in seedy space-rangers’ bars, like some cops I could mention! I go around shooting people gratuitously and then I agonize about it afterwards for hours to my girlfriend!”
― Douglas Adams, The Complete Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: The Trilogy of Five

“One of the things Ford Prefect had always found hardest to understand about humans was their habit of continually stating and repeating the very very obvious, as in It’s a nice day, or You’re very tall,or Oh dear you seem to have fallen down a thirty-foot well, are you all right?”
― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

“Arthur made nervous noises.”
― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

“He had discovered that the reason for the carnival atmosphere on Saquo-Pilia Hensha was that the local people were celebrating the annual feast of the Assumption of St. Antwelm. St. Antwelm had been, during his lifetime, a great and popular king who had made a great and popular assumption. What King Antwelm had assumed was that what everybody wanted, all other things being equal, was to be happy and enjoy themselves and have the best possible time together. On his death he had willed his entire personal fortune to financing an annual festival to remind everyone of this, with lots of good food and dancing and very silly games like Hunt the Wocket. His Assumption had been such a brilliantly good one that he was made into a saint for it. Not only that, but all the people who had previously been made saints for doing things like being stoned to death in a thoroughly miserable way or living upside down in barrels of dung were instantly demoted and were now thought to be rather embarrassing.”
― Douglas Adams, The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

“Not content with ignoring the normal requirements of biology, the cat was also in clear breach of the laws of physics.”
― Douglas Adams, The Salmon of Doubt: Hitchhiking the Galaxy One Last Time

“She was about to demand a full and instant explanation of this preposterous remark when a passing white Ford Sierra slowed down beside them. The driver wound down the window and leaned out. “Had a crash then?” he shouted at them. “Yes.” “Ha!” he said and drove on.”
― Douglas Adams, The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul

“we haven't even finished burying the artificial dinosaur skeletons in the crust yet.”
― Douglas Adams

“He wanted something that nobody other than the computer would notice: that was the bit that took thirty seconds. The thing that took three minutes thirty was programming the computer not to notice that it had noticed anything. It had to want not to know about what Ford was up to, and then he could safely leave the computer to rationalize its own defenses against the information’s ever emerging.”
― Douglas Adams, The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

“I like everything,” moaned the robot. “Especially when you shout at me like that. Do it again, please.”
― Douglas Adams, The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

“The suns blazed into the pitch of space and a low ghostly music floated through the bridge: Marvin was humming ironically because he hated humans so much.”
― Douglas Adams, The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

“Did you know, young lady,” said Watkin to her, “that the Book of Revelation was written on Patmos? It was indeed. By Saint John the Divine, as you know. To me it shows very clear signs of having been written while waiting for a ferry. Oh, yes, I think so. It starts off, doesn’t it, with that kind of dreaminess you get when you’re killing time, getting bored, you know, just making things up, and then gradually grows to a sort of climax of hallucinatory despair. I find that very suggestive.”
― Douglas Adams, Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency

“Il muro.
Il muro sfidava l'immaginazione, la seduceva e la vinceva. Il muro era così inconcepibilmente vasto e perpendicolare che la sua cima, la sua base e i suoi lati superavano la capacità umana di vedere. Sarebbe bastato l'immenso senso di vertigine che dava, per uccidere un uomo.”
― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

“Usually it’s very relaxing to be with someone who’s so self-absorbed, because it doesn’t make any demands on you.”
― Douglas Adams, Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency Box Set: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency and The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul

“The Guide says that there is an art to flying,’ said Ford, ‘or rather a knack. The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.’ He smiled weakly. He pointed at the knees of his trousers and held his arms up to show the elbows. They were all torn and worn through. ‘I haven’t done very well so far,’ he said.”
― Douglas Adams, Life, the Universe, and Everything

“Life,’ he said, ‘is like a grapefruit.’ ‘Er, how so?’ ‘Well, it’s sort of orangey-yellow and dimpled on the outside, wet and squidgy in the middle. It’s got pips inside too. Oh, and some people have half a one for breakfast.”
― Douglas Adams, The Complete Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: The Trilogy of Five

“If human beings don’t keep exercising their lips, he thought, their mouths probably seize up. After a few months’ consideration and observation he abandoned this theory in favor of a new one. If they don’t keep on exercising their lips, he thought, their brains start working.”
― Douglas Adams, The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy