Douglas Adams > Quotes

“coincidences are strange and dangerous things. Believe me, it is a great deal better to find cast-iron proof that you’re innocent than to languish in a cell hoping that the police—who already think you’re guilty—will find it for you.”
― Douglas Adams, Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency Box Set: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency and The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul

“The major problem is quite simply one of grammar, and the main work to consult in this matter is Dr. Dan Streetmentioner's Time Traveller's Handbook of 1001 Tense Formations. It will tell you for instance how to describe something that was about to happen to you in the past before you avoided it by time-jumping forward two days in order to avoid it. The event will be described differently according to whether you are talking about it from the standpoint of your own natural time, from a time in the further future, or a time in the further past and is further complicated by the possibility of conducting conversations whilst you are actually travelling from one time to another with the intention of becoming your own father or mother.”
― Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe

“Дюшекът гълброкна. Това е шум, издаван от жив блатообитаващ дюшек, който е дълбоко покъртен от историята за нечия лична трагедия, която току-що е чул. Думата също така, според Ултрапълния Максимегалонски Речник на Всеки Език, Съществувал Някога, може да означава „шум, издаден от Господаря Възвишен Санвалвуаг от Холлоп, когато открил, че втора поредна година забравя за рождения ден на жена си“. Но тъй като е съществувал само един Господар Възвишен Санвалвуаг от Холлоп и той никога не се оженил, думата се употребява само в отрицателен или спекулативен смисъл, и има още едно вечно надигащо се мнение, което гласи, че Ултрапълният Максимегалонски Речник не заслужава кервана от камиони, които са необходими за превозването на микросбитото му издание до потребителя. Странно, но в Речникът не се споменава думата „подпляскващо“, което означава „по образец на някой, който подплясква”
― Douglas Adams, Life, the Universe and Everything

“Don’t pretend you want to talk to me, I know you hate me.” “No, I don’t.” “Yes, you do, everybody does. It’s part of the shape of the Universe. I only have to talk to somebody and they begin to hate me. Even robots hate me. If you just ignore me I expect I shall probably go away.”
― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

“He turned left, therefore, in the hope of finding better fortune in that direction, but after a while lost his nerve and turned a speculative right, and then chanced another exploratory left, and after a few more such maneuvers was thoroughly lost.”
― Douglas Adams, Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency

“She was a rapidly rising anchor. She had what it took: great hair, a profound understanding of strategic lip gloss, the intelligence to understand the world and a tiny secret interior deadness which meant she didn’t care.”
― Douglas Adams, The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

“She wish she knew what it was she was trying not to think about”
― Douglas Adams

“Şimdi ölmek istemiyorum!" diye bağırdı."Hala başım ağrıyor!Cennete baş ağrısıyla gitmek istemiyorum,bütün aksiliğim üstümde olacak ve Cennet'in tadını çıkaramayacağım!”
― Douglas Adams

“This friend of his had first arrived on the planet Earth some fifteen Earth years previously, and he had worked hard to blend himself into Earth society—with, it must be said, some success. For instance, he had spent those fifteen years pretending to be an out-of-work actor, which was plausible enough.”
― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

“Yeah,’ said Zaphod, stepping into it, ‘what else do you do besides talk?’ ‘I go up,’ said the elevator, ‘or down.’ ‘Good,’ said Zaphod. ‘We’re going up.’ ‘Or down,’ the elevator reminded him. ‘Yeah, OK, up please.’ There was a moment of silence. ‘Down’s very nice,’ suggested the elevator hopefully. ‘Oh yeah?’ ‘Super.’ ‘Good,’ said Zaphod. ‘Now will you take us up?’ ‘May I ask you,’ enquired the elevator in its sweetest, most reasonable voice, ‘if you’ve considered all the possibilities that down might offer you?”
― Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe

“The thing that used to worry him most was the fact that people always used to ask him what he was looking so worried about.”
― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

“Trillian did a little research in the ship's copy of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. It had some advice to offer on drunkenness.

"Go to it," it said, "and good luck.”
― Douglas Adams, Life, the Universe and Everything

“Life! Don't talk to me about life!”
― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

“Impact minus twenty seconds, guys . . .” said the computer. “Then turn the bloody engines back on!” bawled Zaphod. “Oh, sure thing, guys,” said the computer.”
― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

“The argument goes something like this: "I refuse to prove that I exist," says God, "for proof denies faith, and without faith I am nothing."

"But," says Man, "the Babel fish is a dead giveaway isn't it? It could not have evolved by chance. It proves you exist, and so therefore, by your own arguments, you don't. QED"

"Oh dear," says God, "I hadn't thought of that," and promptly vanishes in a puff of logic.”
― Douglas Adams

“DETCHANT (n.)
That part of a hymn (usually a few notes at the end of a verse) where the tune goes so high or low that you suddenly have to change octaves to accommodate it.”
― Douglas Adams, The Meaning of Liff

“Тази планета има — или по-точно имаше един проблем: почти всички хора, живеещи на нея, през по-голямата част от живота си се чувстваха нещастни. Много бяха предложенията за решаването на този проблем, но повечето се отнасяха до движението на едни малки зелени късчета хартия. И това е много странно, защото, общо взето, тези малки зелени късчета хартия съвсем не бяха нещастни.”
― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

“The mess is extraordinary, and has to be seen to be believed, but if you don’t have any particular need to believe it, then don’t go and look because you won’t enjoy it.”
― Douglas Adams, Life, the Universe and Everything

“He had read somewhere that the Eskimos had over two hundred different words for snow, without which their conversation would probably have got very monotonous. So they would distinguish between thin snow and thick snow, light snow and heavy snow, sludgy snow, brittle snow, snow that came in flurries, snow that came in drifts, snow that came in on the bottom of your neighbor’s boots all over your nice clean igloo floor, the snows of winter, the snows of spring, the snows you remember from your childhood that were so much better than any of your modern snow, fine snow, feathery snow, hill snow, valley snow, snow that falls in the morning, snow that falls at night, snow that falls all of a sudden just when you were going out fishing, and snow that despite all your efforts to train them, the huskies have pissed on.”
― Douglas Adams, The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

“Why, how much did you tip him?'
Ford named a figure again.
'I don't know how much it is,' said Arthur. 'What's it worth in pounds sterling? What could it buy you?'
'It would probably buy you, roughly... er...' Ford screwed his eyes up as he did some calculations in his head. 'Switzerland,' he said at last.”
― Douglas Adams, Mostly Harmless

“And now we have the World Wide Web (the only thing I know of whose shortened form—www—takes three times longer to say than what it’s short for)”
― Douglas Adams, The Salmon of Doubt

“The reason why it was published in the form of a micro sub-meson electronic component is that if it were printed in normal book form, an interstellar hitchhiker would require several inconveniently large buildings to carry it around”
― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

“Did you ever go to a place . . . I think it was called Norway?” “No,” said Arthur, “no, I didn’t.” “Pity,” said Slartibartfast, “that was one of mine. Won an award, you know. Lovely crinkly edges. I was most upset to hear of its destruction.”
― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

“Trin Tragula—for that was his name—was a dreamer, a thinker, a speculative philosopher or as his wife would have it, an idiot.”
― Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe

“The first letter was a “w,” the second an “e.” Then there was a gap. An “a” followed, then a “p,” an “o,” and an “l.” Marvin paused for a rest. After a few moments they resumed and let him see the “o,” the “g,” the “i,” the “z,” and the “e.” The next two words were “for” and “the.” The last one was a long one, and Marvin needed another rest before he could tackle it. It started with “i,” then “n,” then “c.” Next came an “o” and an “n,” followed by a “v,” an “e,” another “n,” and an “i.” After a final pause, Marvin gathered his strength for the last stretch. He read the “e,” the “n,” the “c,” and at last the final “e,” and staggered back into their arms.”
― Douglas Adams, The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

“His job is not to wield power but to draw attention away from it.”
― Douglas Adams, The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

“Laser light flickered all over him as if he was a packet of biscuits at a super-market check-out.”
― Douglas Adams, Mostly Harmless

“Anything that happens, happens.”
― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

“When Arthur had been a boy at school, long before the Earth had been demolished, he had used to play football. He had not been at all good at it, and his particular speciality had been scoring own goals in important matches.”
― Douglas Adams, The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

“It’s all right,’ he insisted, ‘I’m perfectly well. Thought I heard, well, a noise
that startled me. But it was nothing. Just overcome with the tea fumes, I expect”
― Douglas Adams, Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency