Douglas Adams > Quotes

“En sí misma, la Bistromática es una nueva y revolucionaria forma de entender el comportamiento de los números. Así como Einstein observó que el tiempo no era absoluto sino que dependía del movimiento del espectador en el espacio, y que el espacio no era absoluto sino que dependía del movimiento del espectador en el tiempo, así se comprende ahora que los números no son absolutos, sino que dependen del movimiento del espectador en los restaurantes”
― Douglas Adams, Life, the Universe and Everything

“Rubbish, we don't want to be happy, we want to be famous!" (Lunkwill)”
― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

“on the planet Earth, man had always assumed that he was more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much—the wheel, New York, wars and so on—while all the dolphins had ever done was muck about in the water having a good time. But conversely, the dolphins had always believed that they were far more intelligent than man—for precisely the same reasons.”
― Douglas Adams, The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

“So the hours are pretty good then?” he resumed. The Vogon stared down at him as sluggish thoughts moiled around in the murky depths. “Yeah,” he said, “but now you come to mention it, most of the actual minutes are pretty lousy.”
― Douglas Adams, The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

“So long and thanks for all the fish. In”
― Douglas Adams, The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

“Ford and Arthur talking:


"This is very, very serious indeed. The Guide has been taken over. It's been bought out."
Arthur leapt up. "Oh, very serious," he shouted. "Please fill me in straight away on some corporate publishing politics! I can't tell you how much it's been on my mind of late!"
"You don't understand! There's a whole new Guide!"
"Oh!" shouted Arthur again. "Oh! Oh! Oh! I'm incoherent with excitement! I can hardly wait for it to come out to find out which are the most exciting spaceports to get bored hanging about in in some globular cluster I've never heard of. Please, can we rush to a store that's got it right this very instant?"
Ford narrowed his eyes. "This is what you call sarcasm, isn't it?"
"Do you know," bellowed Arthur, "I think it is? I really think it might just be a crazy little thing called sarcasm seeping in at the edges of my manner of speech! Ford, I have had a fucking bad night! Will you please try and take that into account while you consider what fascinating bits of badger-sputumly inconsequential trivia to assail me with next?"

...

"Temporal reverse engineering."
Arthur put his head in his hands and shook it gently from side to side.
"Is there any humane way," he moaned, "in which I can prevent you from telling me what temporary reverse bloody-whatsiting is?"

...

"I leaped out of a high-rise office window."
This cheered Arthur up. "Oh!" he said. "Why don't you do it again?"
"I did."
"Hmmm," said Arthur, disappointed. "Obviously no good came of it."

...

"What was the self-sacrifice?"
"I jettisoned half of a much-loved and I think irreplaceable pair of shoes."
"Why was that self-sacrifice?"
"Because they were mine!" said Ford, crossly.
"I think we have different value systems."
"Well, mine's better.”
― Douglas Adams, Mostly Harmless

“Five to one against and falling …” she said, “four to one against and falling … three to one … two … one … probability factor of one to one … we have normality, I repeat we have normality.” She turned her microphone off—then turned it back on— with a slight smile and continued: “Anything you still can’t cope with is therefore your own problem. Please relax. You will be sent for soon.”
― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

“I certainly don’t like the idea of missionaries. In fact, the whole business fills me with fear and alarm. I don’t believe in God, or at least not in the one we’ve invented for ourselves in England to fulfill our peculiarly English needs, and certainly not in the ones they’ve invented in America, who supply their servants with toupees, television stations, and, most important, toll-free telephone numbers. I wish that people who did believe in such things would keep them to themselves and not export them to the developing world.”
― Douglas Adams, Last Chance to See

“Marvin the Paranoid Android sat slumped, ignoring all and ignored by all, in a private and rather unpleasant world of his own.”
― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

“The mere thought," growled Mr Prosser, "hadn't even begun to speculate," he continued, settling himself back, "about the merest possibility of crossing my mind.”
― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

“The Book: Curiously the only thing that went through the mind of the bowl of petunias, as it fell, was, 'Oh no, not again.' Many people have speculated that if we knew exactly *why* the bowl of petunias had thought that we would know a lot more about the nature of the universe than we do now.”
― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

“He picked up the letter Q and hurled it into a distant privet bush where it hit a young rabbit. The rabbit hurtled off in terror and didn’t stop till it was set upon and eaten by a fox which choked on one of its bones and died on the bank of a stream which subsequently washed it away. During the following weeks Ford Prefect swallowed his pride and struck up a relationship with a girl who had been a personnel officer on Golgafrincham, and he was terribly upset when she suddenly passed away as a result of drinking water from a pool that had been polluted by the body of a dead fox. The only moral it is possible to draw from this story is that one should never throw the letter Q into a privet bush, but unfortunately there are times when it is unavoidable.”
― Douglas Adams, The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

“He was experiencing the aural equivalent of looking at a picture of two black silhouetted faces and suddenly seeing it as a picture of a white candlestick. Or of looking at a lot of colored dots on a piece of paper which suddenly resolve themselves into the figure six and mean that your optician is going to charge you a lot of money for a new pair of glasses.”
― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

“It gives me a headache just trying to think down to your level.”
― Douglas Adams, The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

“The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy also mentions alcohol. It says that the best drink in existence is the Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster. It says that the effect of drinking a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster is like having your brains smashed out by a slice of lemon wrapped round a large gold brick. The Guide also tells you on which planets the best Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters are mixed, how much you can expect to pay for one and what voluntary organizations exist to help you rehabilitate afterwards.”
― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

“The story so far: In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.”
― Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe

“There are limitless futures stretching out in every direction from this moment—and from this moment and from this. Billions of them, bifurcating every instant! Every possible position of every possible electron balloons out into billions of probabilities! Billions and billions of shining, gleaming futures!”
― Douglas Adams, The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

“A towel is about the most massively useful thing an interstellar hitchhiker can have.”
― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

“The idea of a Universe didn’t fit into their world picture, so to speak. They simply couldn’t cope with it. And so, charmingly, delightfully, intelligently, whimsically if you like, they decided to destroy it.”
― Douglas Adams, The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

“We have a saying up here. ‘Life is wasted on the living.”
― Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe

“The argument goes something like this: "I refuse to prove that I exist," says God, "for proof denies faith, and without faith I am nothing."
"But," says Man, "the Babel fish is a dead giveaway isn't it? It could not have evolved by chance. It proves you exist, and so therefore, by your own arguments, you don't. QED"
"Oh dear," says God, "I hadn't thought of that," and promptly vanishes in a puff of logic.”
― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

“Mark Carwardine's role, essentially, was to be the one who knew what he was talking about. My role, and one for which I was entirely qualified, was to be an extremely ignorant non-zoologist to whom everything that happened would come as a complete surprise.”
― Douglas Adams, Last Chance to See

“For years radios had been operated by means of pressing buttons and turning dials; then as the technology became more sophisticated the controls were made touch-sensitive—you merely had to brush the panels with your fingers; now all you had to do was wave your hand in the general direction of the components and hope.”
― Douglas Adams, The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

“He giggled and sniggered. He would have laughed out loud but he didn't have the room.”
― Douglas Adams, So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish

“If human beings don't keep exercising their lips, their brains start working.”
― Douglas Adams

“Richard continued, “What I mean is that if you really want to understand something, the best way is to try and explain it to someone else. That forces you to sort it out in your own mind. And the more slow and dim-witted your pupil, the more you have to break things down into more and more simple ideas. And that’s really the essence of programming. By the time you’ve sorted out a complicated idea into little steps that even a stupid machine can deal with, you’ve certainly learned something about it yourself. The teacher usually learns more than the pupil. Isn’t that true?”
― Douglas Adams, Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency

“This is Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz of the Galactic Hyperspace Planning Council,” the voice continued. “As you will no doubt be aware, the plans for development of the outlying regions of the Galaxy require the building of a hyperspatial express route through your star system, and regrettably your planet is one of those scheduled for demolition. The process will take slightly less than two of your Earth minutes. Thank you.”
― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

“Well, you look well on it.'

`I feel well. You look well.'

`I'm well. I'm very well.'

`Well, that's good.'

`Yes.'

`Good.'

`Good.'

`Nice of you to drop in.'

`Thanks.'

`Well,' said Arthur, casting around himself. Astounding how hard it was to think of anything to say to someone after all this time.”
― Douglas Adams, Mostly Harmless

“Eres muy raro - dijo.
- No, soy muy corriente - dijo Arthur -, pero me han pasado cosas muy raras.
Podría decirse que soy más diferenciado que diferente.”
― Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe

“That ship hated me,'' he said dejectedly, indicating the policecraft.

"That ship?'' said Ford in sudden excitement. "What happened to it? Do you know?''

"It hated me because I talked to it.''

"You talked to it?'' exclaimed Ford. "What do you mean you talked to it?''

"Simple. I got very bored and depressed, so I went and plugged myself in to its external computer feed. I talked to the computer at great length and explained my view of the Universe to it,'' said Marvin.

"And what happened?'' pressed Ford.

"It committed suicide,'' said Marvin and stalked off back to the Heart of Gold.”
― Douglas Adams