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Augusten Burroughs quotes (showing 1-30 of 563)

“I, myself, am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions.”
Augusten Burroughs
“I'm lonely. And I'm lonely in some horribly deep way and for a flash of an instant, I can see just how lonely, and how deep this feeling runs. And it scares the shit out of me to be this lonely because it seems catastrophic.”
Augusten Burroughs, Dry
“I know exactly how that is. To love somebody who doesn’t deserve it. Because they are all you have. Because any attention is better than no attention. For exactly the same reason, it is sometimes satisfying to cut yourself and bleed. On those gray days where eight in the morning looks no different from noon and nothing has happened and nothing is going to happen and you are washing a glass in the sink and it breaks-accidentally-and punctures your skin. And then there is this shocking red, the brightest thing in the day, so vibrant it buzzes, this blood of yours. That is okay sometimes because at least you know you’re alive.”
Augusten Burroughs, Running with Scissors
“Although I was able to maintain a pleasant expression, I was mentally throwing up in her face.”
Augusten Burroughs
“I used to feel so alone in the city. All those gazillions of people and then me, on the outside. Because how do you meet a new person? I was very stunned by this for many years. And then I realized, you just say, "Hi." They may ignore you. Or you may marry them. And that possibility is worth that one word.”
Augusten Burroughs
“I think I love him, but I also think that you can love people who aren't good for you.”
Augusten Burroughs, Dry
“It’s a wonder I’m even alive. Sometimes I think that. I think that I can’t believe I haven’t killed myself. But there’s something in me that just keeps going on. I think it has something to do with tomorrow, that there is always one, and that everything can change when it comes.”
Augusten Burroughs, Running with Scissors
“You deserve to need me, not to have me.”
Augusten Burroughs, Running with Scissors
“I like flaws and feel more comfortable around people who have them. I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions.”
Augusten Burroughs, Magical Thinking: True Stories
“your mind is like an unsafe neighborhood; don't go there alone.”
Augusten Burroughs
“I hate feelings. Why does sobriety have to come with feelings?”
Augusten Burroughs
“My mother began to go crazy. Not in a 'Let's paint the kitchen red!' sort of way. But crazy in a 'gas oven, toothpaste sandwhich, I am God' sort of way.”
Augusten Burroughs, Running with Scissors
“Like cubic zirconia, I only look real. I'm an imposter. The fact is, I am not like other people.”
Augusten Burroughs, Dry
“Red hair is great. It's rare, and therefore superior.”
Augusten Burroughs
“I came to think that maybe God was what you believed in because you needed to feel you weren’t alone. Maybe God was simply that part of yourself that was always there and always strong, even when you were not.”
Augusten Burroughs, A Wolf at the Table
“Part of me believes that love is more valuable when you have to work for it.”
Augusten Burroughs, Dry
“I told myself, 'All I want is a normal life'. But was that true? I wasn't so sure. Because there was a part of me that enjoyed hating school, and the drama of not going, the potential consequences whatever they were. I was intrigued by the unknown. I was even slightly thrilled that my mother was such a mess. Had I become addicted to crisis? I traced my finger along the windowsill. 'Want something normal, want something normal, want something normal', I told myself.”
Augusten Burroughs, Running with Scissors
“Doctor, if being a bitch is healthy, then I am the healthiest damn woman on the face of the earth”
Augusten Burroughs, Running with Scissors
“Stars should not be seen alone. That's why there are so many. Two people should stand together and look at them. One person alone will surely miss the good ones.”
Augusten Burroughs, Dry
“The line between normal and crazy seemed impossibly thin. A person would have to be an expert tightrope walker in order not to fall.”
Augusten Burroughs, Running with Scissors
“I am prone to envy. It is one of my three default emotions, the others being greed and rage. I have also experienced compassion and generosity, but only fleetingly and usually while drunk, so I have little memory.”
Augusten Burroughs
“I will please shut the hell up the day you please drop the hell dead”
Augusten Burroughs, Running with Scissors
“Some damage is too severe, some harm endures. And what you have to do is accept it. And by accept it I mean, don’t be the paralyzed person in the bed who is waiting to walk again. Realize, it’s never gonna happen. And find some other way to get around –swing from a vine, get a Mad Max wheelchair. Anything but…wait.”
Augusten Burroughs
“If you have one parent who loves you, even if they can't buy you clothes, they're so poor and they make all kinds of mistakes and maybe sometimes they even give you awful advice, but never for one moment do you doubt their love for you--if you have this, you have incredibly good fortune.

If you have two parents who love you? You have won life's Lotto.

If you do not have parents, or if the parents you have are so broken and so, frankly, terrible that they are no improvement over nothing, this is fine.

It's not ideal because it's harder without adults who love you more than they love themselves. But harder is just harder, that's all.”
Augusten Burroughs, This Is How: Proven Aid in Overcoming Shyness, Molestation, Fatness, Spinsterhood, Grief, Disease, Lushery, Decrepitude & More. For Young and Old Alike.
“The reason I know what we are to each other is because we fight freely and almost constantly, about even the smallest thing. In fact, once we didn't speak for an entire week because he didn't like the way I loaded his dishwasher...I can't decide if we're exact opposites, or somehow exactly the same except for minor cosmetic differences. I do know that all of his friends hate me and all of my friends hate him. We drive each other crazy in ways that nobody else can even touch. We never bore each other. And we both realize what a rare thing this is.”
Augusten Burroughs, Dry
“Just as I had long suspected, a person didn't really need math for anything anyway. Maybe some people did. Some limited people.”
Augusten Burroughs, Possible Side Effects
“Think of your head as an unsafe neighborhood; don't go there alone.”
Augusten Burroughs, Dry
“So that's what I'm here to become. And suddenly, this word fills me with a brand of sadness I haven't felt since childhood. The kind of sadness you feel at the end of summer. When the fireflies are gone, the ponds have dried up and the plants are wilted, weary from being so green.”
Augusten Burroughs
“I just look at her and she creeps me out. She looks like she would eat a baby. Not that she's fat. She just looks hungry in some dangerous way that can't be explained. She's always so nice and friendly. Exactly the disposition of a baby killer.”
Augusten Burroughs, Running with Scissors
“I think part of the reason I'm attracted to Foster is because he's such a mess. I mean, the people I have loved in my life have never been easy to love. I'm not used to normal. I'm used to disaster. I don't know, as messed up as he is, he's also sort of exciting, sort of a challenge. I'm accustomed to working for love.”
Augusten Burroughs, Dry

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