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Terry Pratchett quotes (showing 91-120 of 5,333)

“The universe contains any amount of horrible ways to be woken up, such as the noise of the mob breaking down the front door, the scream of fire engines, or the realization that today is the Monday which on Friday night was a comfortably long way off.

A dog's wet nose is not strictly speaking the worst of the bunch, but it has its own peculiar dreadfulness which connoisseurs of the ghastly and dog owners everywhere have come to know and dread. It's like having a small piece of defrosting liver pressed lovingly against you.”
Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures
“All tapes left in a car for more than about a fortnight metamorphose into Best of Queen albums.”
Terry Pratchett, Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch
“Ginger: You know what the greatest tragedy is in the whole world?... It's all the people who never find out what it is they really want to do or what it is they're really good at. It's all the sons who become blacksmiths because their fathers were blacksmiths. It's all the people who could be really fantastic flute players who grow old and die without ever seeing a musical instrument, so they become bad plowmen instead. It's all the people with talents who never even find out. Maybe they are never even born in a time when it's even possible to find out. It's all the people who never get to know what it is that they can really be. It's all the wasted chances.”
Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures
“Nanny Ogg looked under her bed in case there was a man there. Well, you never knew your luck.”
Terry Pratchett, Lords and Ladies
tags: luck
“Studies have shown that an ant can carry one hundred times its own weight, but there is no known limit to the lifting power of the average tiny eighty-year-old Spanish peasant grandmother.”
Terry Pratchett, Reaper Man
“Progress just means bad things happen faster.”
Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad
“Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.”
Terry Pratchett, Wyrd Sisters
“Gods prefer simple, vicious games, where you Do Not Achieve Transcendence but Go Straight To Oblivion; a key to the understanding of all religion is that a god's idea of amusement is Snakes and Ladders with greased rungs.”
Terry Pratchett, Wyrd Sisters
“Zoology, eh? That's a big word, isn't it."

"No, actually it isn't," said Tiffany. "Patronizing is a big word. Zoology is really quite short.”
Terry Pratchett, The Wee Free Men
“A European says: I can't understand this, what's wrong with me? An American says: I can't understand this, what's wrong with him?
I make no suggestion that one side or other is right, but observation over many years leads me to believe it is true.”
Terry Pratchett
“He says gods like to see an atheist around. Gives them something to aim at.”
Terry Pratchett, Small Gods
“The trouble is you can shut your eyes but you can’t shut your mind.”
Terry Pratchett, Wintersmith
“Real children do not go hoppity skip unless they are on drugs.”
Terry Pratchett, Hogfather
“When in doubt, choose to live.”
Terry Pratchett, Thief of Time
“The gods of the Disc have never bothered much about judging the souls of the dead, and so people only go to hell if that's where they believe, in their deepest heart, that they deserve to go. Which they won't do if they don't know about it. This explains why it is so important to shoot missionaries on sight.”
Terry Pratchett, Eric
“Of course I'm sane, when trees start talking to me, I don't talk back.”
Terry Pratchett, The Light Fantastic
“Everything starts somewhere, though many physicists disagree. But people have always been dimly aware of the problem with the start of things. They wonder how the snowplough driver gets to work, or how the makers of dictionaries look up the spelling of words.”
Terry Pratchett, Hogfather
“This I choose to do. If there is a price, this I choose to pay. If it is my death, then I choose to die. Where this takes me, there I choose to go. I choose. This I choose to do.”
Terry Pratchett, Wintersmith
“Do you know what it feels like to be aware of every star, every blade of grass? Yes. You do. You call it 'opening your eyes again.' But you do it for a moment. We have done it for eternity. No sleep, no rest, just endless... endless experience, endless awareness. Of everything. All the time. How we envy you, envy you! Lucky humans, who can close your minds to the endless deeps of space! You have this thing you call... boredom? That is the rarest talent in the universe! We heard a song — it went 'Twinkle twinkle little star....' What power! What wondrous power! You can take a billion trillion tons of flaming matter, a furnace of unimaginable strength, and turn it into a little song for children! You build little worlds, little stories, little shells around your minds, and that keeps infinity at bay and allows you to wake up in the morning without screaming!”
Terry Pratchett, A Hat Full of Sky
“It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things.”
Terry Pratchett, Jingo
tags: war
“People couldn't become truly holy, he said, unless they also had the opportunity to be definitively wicked.”
Terry Pratchett, Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch
“The men in the room suddenly realized that they did not want to know her better. She was beautiful, but she was beautiful in the way a forest fire was beautiful: something to be admired from a distance, not up close.

And she held her sword, and she smiled like a knife.”
Terry Pratchett, Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch
“A good plan isn't one where someone wins, it's where nobody thinks they've lost.”
Terry Pratchett, The Amazing Maurice and His Educated Rodents
“No, what he didn't like about heroes was that they were usually suicidally gloomy when sober and homicidally insane when drunk.”
Terry Pratchett, The Color of Magic
“Joy is to fun what the deep sea is to a puddle. It’s a feeling inside that can hardly be contained.”
Terry Pratchett, A Hat Full of Sky
“Steal five dollars and you're a common thief. Steal thousands and you're either the government or a hero.”
Terry Pratchett, Going Postal
“There was this about vampires : they could never look scruffy. Instead, they were... what was the word... deshabille. It meant untidy, but with bags and bags of style.”
Terry Pratchett, Monstrous Regiment
“My experience in Amsterdam is that cyclists ride where the hell they like and aim in a state of rage at all pedestrians while ringing their bell loudly, the concept of avoiding people being foreign to them.
My dream holiday would be a) a ticket to Amsterdam b) immunity from prosecution and c) a baseball bat.”
Terry Pratchett
“Just because someone's a member of an ethnic minority doesn't mean they're not a nasty small-minded little jerk.”
Terry Pratchett, Feet of Clay
“She was also, by the standards of other people, lost. She would not see it like that. She knew where she was, it was just that everywhere else didn't.”
Terry Pratchett, Equal Rites


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