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Bill Watterson quotes Showing 61-90 of 290

“Calvin: Why are you crying mom?
Mom: I'm cutting up an onion.
Calvin: It must be hard to cook if you anthrpomorphisize your vegetables.”
Bill Watterson, The Complete Calvin and Hobbes
“If you can't control your peanut butter, you can't expect to control your life.”
Bill Watterson, The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes: A Calvin and Hobbes Treasury
“Oh look, yet another Christmas TV special! How touching to have the meaning of Christmas brought to us by cola, fast food, and beer.... Who'd have ever guessed that product consumption, popular entertainment, and spirituality would mix so harmoniously? ”
Bill Watterson, The Essential Calvin and Hobbes
“Well, remember what you said, because in a day or two, I'll have a witty and blistering retort! You'll be devastated THEN”
Bill Watterson
“Hobbes: Jump! Jump! Jump! I win!
Calvin: You win? Aaugghh! You won last time! I hate it when you win! Aarrggh! Mff! Gnnk! I hate this game! I hate the whole world! Aghhh! What a stupid game! You must have cheated! You must have used some sneaky, underhanded mindmeld to make me lose! I hate you! I didn't want to play this idiotic game in the first place! I knew you'd cheat! I knew you'd win! Oh! Oh! Aarg!
[Calvin runs in circles around Hobbes screaming "Aaaaaaaaaaaa", then falls over.]
Hobbes: Look, it's just a game.
Calvin: I know! You should see me when I lose in real life!”
Bill Watterson
“Girls are like slugs—they probably serve some purpose, but it's hard to imagine what.”
Bill Watterson, The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes: A Calvin and Hobbes Treasury
“Every time I've built character, I've regretted it.”
Bill Watterson, The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes
“I wonder if you can refuse to inherit the world.”
Bill Watterson, The Essential Calvin and Hobbes: A Calvin and Hobbes Treasury
“A day can really slip by when you're deliberately avoiding what you're supposed to do.”
Bill Watterson, There's Treasure Everywhere
“If you can't win by reason, go for volume.”
Bill Watterson
“Careful. We don't want to learn from this.”
Bill Watterson
“The problem about the future is that it keeps turning into the present.”
Bill Watterson
“I won't eat any cereal that doesn't turn the milk purple.”
Bill Watterson, The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes: A Calvin and Hobbes Treasury
“Getting an inch of snow is like winning 10 cents in the lottery.”
Bill Watterson
“Hold it. You know what I'd like to see? I'd like to see the three bears eat the three little pigs, and then the bears join up with the big bad wolf and eat Goldilocks and Little Red Riding Hood! Tell me a story like that, OK?”
Bill Watterson, The Complete Calvin and Hobbes
“Creating a life that reflects your values and satisfies your soul is a rare achievement. In a culture that relentlessly promotes avarice and excess as the good life, a person happy doing his own work is usually considered an eccentric, if not a subversive. Ambition is only understood if it’s to rise to the top of some imaginary ladder of success. Someone who takes an undemanding job because it affords him the time to pursue other interests and activities is considered a flake. A person who abandons a career in order to stay home and raise children is considered not to be living up to his potential — as if a job title and salary are the sole measure of human worth.

You’ll be told in a hundred ways, some subtle and some not, to keep climbing, and never be satisfied with where you are, who you are, and what you’re doing. There are a million ways to sell yourself out, and I guarantee you’ll hear about them.

To invent your own life’s meaning is not easy, but it’s still allowed, and I think you’ll be happier for the trouble.”
Bill Watterson
“CALVIN:
When I grow up I want to be an inventor. First I will invent a time machine. Then I'll come back to yesterday and take myself to tomorrow and skip this dumb assignment.”
Bill Watterson
tags: life
“I'm related to people I don't relate to.”
Bill Watterson
“Years from now, when I'm successful and happy, ...and he's in prison... I hope I'm not too mature to gloat.”
Bill Watterson
“CALVIN:
As usual goodness hardly puts up a fight.”
Bill Watterson
tags: life
“History is the fiction we invent to persuade ourselves that events are knowable and that life has order and direction. That's why events are always reinterpreted when values change. We need new versions of history to allow for our current prejudices.”
Bill Watterson, Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat
“People pay more attention when they think you’re up to something.”
Bill Watterson, The Complete Calvin and Hobbes
“I'm not a vegetarian! I'm a dessertarian!”
Bill Watterson, Something Under the Bed is Drooling
“In the short term, it would make me happy to go play outside. In the long term, it would make me happier to do well at school and become successful. But in the VERY long term, I know which will make better memories.”
Bill Watterson, It's a Magical World
“Look! A trickle of water running through some dirt! I'd say our afternoon just got booked solid!”
Bill Watterson
“[Calvin and Hobbes are playing Scrabble.]
Calvin: Ha! I've got a great word and it's on a "Double word score" box!
Hobbes: "ZQFMGB" isn't a word! It doesn't even have a vowel!
Calvin: It is so a word! It's a worm found in New Guinea! Everyone knows that!
Hobbes: I'm looking it up.
Calvin: You do, and I'll look up that 12-letter word you played with all the Xs and Js!
Hobbes: What's your score for ZQFMGB?
Calvin: 957.”
Bill Watterson, Scientific Progress Goes "Boink": A Calvin and Hobbes Collection
“For your information, I'm staying like this, and everyone else can just get used to it! If people don't like me the way I am, well TOUGH BEANS! It's a free country! I don't need anyone's permission to be the way I want! This is who I am - Take it or leave it!”
Bill Watterson
“I say, if your knees aren’t green by the end of the day, you ought to seriously re-examine your life.”
Bill Watterson
“For no reason I can think of, I've wandered far astray. And that is how I got to where I find myself today.”
Bill Watterson
“I think life should be more like TV. I think all of life's problems ought to be solved in 30 minutes with simple homilies, don't you? I think weight and oral hygiene ought to be our biggest concerns. I think we should all have powerful, high-paying jobs, and everyone should drive fancy sports cars. All our desires should be instantly gratified. Women should always wear tight clothing, and men should carry powerful handguns. Life overall should be more glamorous, thrill-packed, and filled with applause, don't you think?... Then again, if real life was like that, what would we watch on television?”
Bill Watterson, The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes


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