Ask the Author: Andre the BFG
Answered Questions (3)
Andre the BFG
There's lots of best things about being a writer. And only one of the following is a lie:
- Not having to dig the sludge out of the bottom of a trench in the freezing rain so the welder can get his head under the fucking pipe to see the weld.
- Sitting next to a roaring fire with a warm tablet on your lap and a hot cat perched on top of your head, sipping Somalian whisky, and telling everyone who calls to leave you alone cos you're working.
- Reviewing books by people you hate.
- Making so much money that you have to get a bigger mattress to hide it all from Her Majesty's tax-nazis.
- Getting paid to review restaurants.
- Writing down your most disgusting or despicable innermost thoughts and pretending that it's fiction.
- Not having to dig the sludge out of the bottom of a trench in the freezing rain so the welder can get his head under the fucking pipe to see the weld.
- Sitting next to a roaring fire with a warm tablet on your lap and a hot cat perched on top of your head, sipping Somalian whisky, and telling everyone who calls to leave you alone cos you're working.
- Reviewing books by people you hate.
- Making so much money that you have to get a bigger mattress to hide it all from Her Majesty's tax-nazis.
- Getting paid to review restaurants.
- Writing down your most disgusting or despicable innermost thoughts and pretending that it's fiction.
Andre the BFG
Writer's block is best dealt with by identifying and avoiding the main thing that blocks you. In my case it is usually the expectations of other people. For a couple of years my main avoidance strategy was to write an anonymous blog under the pseudonym of "André the BFG" which allowed me to open my bombdoors without reference to anyone else's expectations. Once I'd splattered out a page or two of inconsequential verbiage I found the real stuff flowed more easily.
The trouble with this strategy is that it has a limited lifetime. André the BFG gradually gained a readership. He received comments. He replied to comments. My alter ego took on a life of its own, and began to suffer writer's block himself. Although André struggled mightily to stay detached, he began to make friends with his readers, and to realise that they deserved only the best. He started to care about the expectations of others. Which kind of negated his whole purpose. So he fell on his pen.
But he did uncork my blockage during the time he was alive, and the effect stayed with me for another two or three years after that.
The trouble with this strategy is that it has a limited lifetime. André the BFG gradually gained a readership. He received comments. He replied to comments. My alter ego took on a life of its own, and began to suffer writer's block himself. Although André struggled mightily to stay detached, he began to make friends with his readers, and to realise that they deserved only the best. He started to care about the expectations of others. Which kind of negated his whole purpose. So he fell on his pen.
But he did uncork my blockage during the time he was alive, and the effect stayed with me for another two or three years after that.
Andre the BFG
Oi, you tosser! Did you just spill my pint?
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