Witches Abroad Quotes

“Progress just means bad things happen faster.”
― Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad

“Blessings be on this house," Granny said, perfunctorily. It was always a good opening remark for a witch. It concentrated people's minds on what other things might be on this house.”
― Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad

“Nanny Ogg knew how to start spelling 'banana', but didn't know how you stopped.”
― Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad

“The wages of sin is death but so is the salary of virtue, and at least the evil get to go home early on Fridays.”
― Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad

“People think that stories are shaped by people. In fact, it's the other way around.”
― Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad

“Most witches don’t believe in gods. They know that the gods exist, of course. They even deal with them occasionally. But they don’t believe in them. They know them too well. It would be like believing in the postman.”
― Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad

“Your average witch is not, by nature, a social animal as far as other witches are concerned. There's a conflict of dominant personalities. There's a group of ringleaders without a ring. There's the basic unwritten rule of witchcraft, which is 'Don't do what you will, do what I say.' The natural size of a coven is one. Witches only get together when they can't avoid it.”
― Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad

“Wisdom is one of the few things that looks bigger the further away it is.”
― Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad

“What was supposed to be so special about a full moon? It was only a big circle of light. And the dark of the moon was only darkness. But halfway between the two, when the moon was between the worlds of light and dark, when even the moon lived on the edge...maybe then a witch could believe in the moon.”
― Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad

“You can't go around building a better world for people. Only people can build a better world for people. Otherwise it's just a cage. Besides you don't build a better world by choppin' heads off and giving decent girls away to frogs.”
― Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad

“Cats gravitate to kitchens like rocks gravitate to gravity.”
― Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad

“I don't want to hurt you, Mistress Weatherwax," said Mrs Gogol.
"That's good," said Granny. "I don't want you to hurt me either.”
― Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad

“It's daft, locking us up," said Nanny. "I'd have had us killed."
"That's because you're basically good," said Magrat. "The good are innocent and create justice. The bad are guilty, which is why they invent mercy.”
― Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad

“Humanity's a nice place to visit, but you wouldn't want to live there.”
― Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad

“In Genua, someone set out to make dreams come true. Remember some of your dreams?”
― Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad

“Where's the pleasure in bein' the winner if the loser ain't alive to know they've lost?”
― Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad

“Good and bad is tricky," she said. "I ain't too certain about where people stand. P'raps what matters is which way you face.”
― Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad

“You can't trust folk songs. They always sneak up on you.”
― Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad

“Magrat said she could never make the wand do that and Esme said no because, she wasted time wishing for thinges to happen instead of working out how to make them happen.”
― Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad

“Find the story, Granny Weatherwax always said. She believed that the world was full of story shapes. If you let them, they controlled you. But if you studied them, if you found out about them... you could use them, you could change them.”
― Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad

“I heard this story once," she said, "where this bloke got locked up for years and years and he learned amazin' stuff about the universe and everythin' from another prisoner who was incredibly clever, and then he escaped and got his revenge."
"What incredibly clever stuff do you know about the universe, Gytha Ogg?" said Granny.
"Bugger all," said Granny cheerfully.
"Then we'd better bloody well escape right now.”
― Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad

“Granny Weatherwax was not a good loser. From her point of view, losing was something that happened to other people.”
― Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad

“The trouble with witches is that they’ll never run away from things they really hate.

And the trouble with small furry animals in a corner is that, just occasionally, one of them’s a mongoose.”
― Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad

“Granny looked up at the zombie. He was - or, technically, had been - a tall, handsome man. He still was, only now he looked like someone who had walked through a room full of cobwebs.

'What's your name, dead man?' she said.”
― Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad

“The dwarf bread was brought out for inspection. But it was miraculous, the dwarf bread. No one ever went hungry when they had some dwarf bread to avoid. You only had to look at it for a moment, and instantly you could think of dozens of things you'd rather eat. You're boots, for example. Mountains. Raw sheep. Your own foot.”
― Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad

“...and Magrat was sick all night just at the thought of it and had the dire rear.”
― Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad

“Hah!" said Granny Weatherwax. "I should just say it is a folk song! I knows all about folk songs. Hah! You think you're listenin' to a nice song about...cuckoos and fiddlers and nightingales and whatnot, and then it turns out to be about...something else entirely," she added darkly.”
― Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad

“Ella turned to the fireplace where a blackened kettle hung over what Granny Weatherwax always called an optimist's fire: two logs and hope.”
― Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad

“There's always the dwarf bread.”
― Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad

“I’ve got nothing but the greatest respect for Mrs. Gogol,” said Granny. “A fine woman. But talks a bit too much. If I was her, I’d have had a couple of big nails right through that thing by now.”

“You would, too,” said Nanny. “It’s a good thing you’re good, ain’t it.”
― Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad