Holidays on Ice Quotes

“All of us take pride and pleasure in the fact that we are unique, but I'm afraid that when all is said and done the police are right: it all comes down to fingerprints.”
― David Sedaris, Holidays on Ice

“It make one's mouth hurt to speak with such forced merriment.”
― David Sedaris, Holidays on Ice

“I didn't know about the rest of the class, but when Bastille Day eventually rolled around, I planned to stay home and clean my oven.”
― David Sedaris, Holidays on Ice

“Snowball just leads elves on, elves and Santas. He is playing a dangerous game. ”
― David Sedaris, Holidays on Ice

“Sallie Mae sounds like a naive and barefoot hillbilly girl but in fact they are a ruthless and aggressive conglomeration of bullies located in a tall brick building somewhere in Kansas. I picture it to be the tallest building in that state and I have decided they hire their employees straight out of prison.”
― David Sedaris, Holidays on Ice

“The only bright spot in the entire evening was the presence of Kevin "Tubby" Matchwell, the eleven-year-old porker who tackled the role of Santa with a beguiling authenticity. The false beard tended to muffle his speech, but they could hear his chafing thighs all the way to the North Pole.”
― David Sedaris, Holidays on Ice

“Remember that the most important thing is to try and love other people as much as they love you.”
― David Sedaris, Holidays on Ice

“Standing in a two-hour line makes people worry that they're not living in a democratic nation.”
― David Sedaris, Holidays on Ice

“We were standing near the Lollipop Forest when we realized that Santa is an anagram of Satan... Overhearing the customers we would substitute the Satan for the world Santa.”
― David Sedaris, Holidays on Ice

“But instead I am applying for a job as an elf. Even worse than applying is the very real possibility that I will not be hired, that I couldn't even find work as an elf. That's when you know you're a failure.”
― David Sedaris, Holidays on Ice

“If I could believe in myself, why not give other improbabilities the benefit of the doubt?”
― David Sedaris, Holidays on Ice

“...but at the end of every show we would realize that true happiness often lies where you very least expect it. It might arrive in a form of a gentle breeze or a handful of peanuts, but when it came, we would seize it with our own brand of folksy wisdom.”
― David Sedaris, Holidays on Ice

“Every gathering has its moment. As an adult, I distract myself by trying to identify it, dreading the inevitable downsing that is sure to follow.”
― David Sedaris, Holidays on Ice