This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks Quotes

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This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks (This isn't really my best book) This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks by Jarod Kintz
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This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks Quotes (showing 61-90 of 326)
“On cloudy days I just want to raise my arm up, stand on my toes, and screw a light bulb into the sky. Don’t worry, my light bulb is energy efficient—it runs on solar power. 
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Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
“Today I’m feeling uncharacteristically chiaroscuro, and I don’t know what that means for my future, or as a word. 
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Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
“When someone tells me they don’t read, I like to walk up to them and stroke their hair, pet it really, because you know who also doesn’t read? My cat. In essence, these people are pitiful, and no better than pets.
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Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
“I’d rather fall in molten lava than fall in love. But I suppose that’s just the romantic me. 
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Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
“When a whisper seems like a shout, I know I need to get some sleep. But I can’t lay down without first taking off my bunny ears.
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Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
“I don’t understand why you don’t trust me. It’s not like you have a reason to not trust me. So, lend me some money, and let me give you the reason you were looking for to not trust me. Wouldn’t you rather be proved right than not lose money?
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Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
“Nobody can stop me. But only because I haven’t started yet.
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Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
“Love should be unconditional, while hair should be conditioned. Air should also be conditioned, and worn in place of hairnets.
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Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
“I like how cats’ ears can flip inside out. It’s as if they’re saying, Keep talking, human, but I’m not even listening.
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Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
“If somebody offered me Cyanide, my only question would be, Is it organic? Because organic is always the healthier option.
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Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
“All books are coloring books, if you are in possession of a childlike imagination, and a box of markers. 
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Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
“I’m at a point in my life where I feel like I can’t go anywhere. Maybe I’ll try to coax my cat off my lap so I can get up and move. 
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Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
“I have a cigarette for a penis. Except when I get sexually aroused it turns into a cigar. Would you care to hold my lighter?
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Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
“Mr. and Mrs. Foster are not my foster parents. Also, they’re not even married to each other. Mr. Foster is married to a different Mrs. Foster, and Mrs. Foster, the first Mrs. Foster, is married to a different Mr. Foster. And though I don’t know the second Mr. Foster, I heard he was a real asshole.”
Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
“For your birthday I’ll give you 100 copies of your least favorite author’s book, and they’ll all be autographed. Now, should I sign the cover, or the inside flap?
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Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
“If you put a long-haired wig on and ask nicely, I might sit on your back and ride you like a horse. I believe that’s the only appropriate way to show you how much I love you.
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Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
“My sheets are so white they look like Google’s homepage. They even have a touch of red on them, from that double homicide back in December. 
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Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
“I eat fog soup (out of a can). You don’t think I make it fresh, do you? You don’t need a spoon or straw to enjoy it—you need a pipe to inhale it.
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Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
“While I was there, the song reminded me of here. But now that I’m here, the song reminds me of there. But that’s neither here nor there. 
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Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
“I had a dream where I drank my own grandma. What she was doing disguised as a bottle of booze isn’t entirely clear to me.
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Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
“Love is more powerful than any gun. Still, I’d recommend wearing a bulletproof vest.
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Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
“I have seen the deadly effects of love first hand, and I have seen them with my second hand (the left one).
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Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
“Dogs are exceptionally intelligent creatures. My dog, for example, taught me that not only am I a cat person, but that it isn’t really a dog at all, but that it is in fact a cat. 
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Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
“If I told you that my global audience has shot up 100% in the last six months, what would you say? If you were to say, “So you went from one reader to two readers?” you’d be absolutely correct. And after I had congratulated you on your keen guess, I’d thank you for being 50% of my reading base. 
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Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
“Nobody can make you feel ignorant but you—the you from before, the one who skipped school and slept in class. By you, of course, I mean me. 
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Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
“Fish like shiny things, stupid people like shiny things, and the late Nebular Romular Ichibar IV liked shiny things. He burned to death when he flew too close to a bright star, which ironically got swallowed up by the least shiny object in the universe—a black hole.”
Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
“If I’m going to write a book every American will want to read, it’s got to have lots of pictures. Those pictures must also move, and all the words in the book must be spoken and available audibly for all the readers to hear as they watch.
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Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
“He was thoughtless, not because he was insensitive, but because I had just eaten his brain and his skull was empty. 
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Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
“Somebody dialed the wrong number trying to reach me, but I didn’t pick up because I didn’t recognize the number, or the legitimacy of the situation.
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Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
“I found love when I stopped looking for it. And I sold it precisely when everyone else began their search.
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Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks

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