Dry Quotes

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Dry Dry by Augusten Burroughs
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Dry Quotes (showing 1-30 of 47)
“I'm lonely. And I'm lonely in some horribly deep way and for a flash of an instant, I can see just how lonely, and how deep this feeling runs. And it scares the shit out of me to be this lonely because it seems catastrophic.”
Augusten Burroughs, Dry
“I think I love him, but I also think that you can love people who aren't good for you.”
Augusten Burroughs, Dry
“Like cubic zirconia, I only look real. I'm an imposter. The fact is, I am not like other people.”
Augusten Burroughs, Dry
“Part of me believes that love is more valuable when you have to work for it.”
Augusten Burroughs, Dry
“Stars should not be seen alone. That's why there are so many. Two people should stand together and look at them. One person alone will surely miss the good ones.”
Augusten Burroughs, Dry
“The reason I know what we are to each other is because we fight freely and almost constantly, about even the smallest thing. In fact, once we didn't speak for an entire week because he didn't like the way I loaded his dishwasher...I can't decide if we're exact opposites, or somehow exactly the same except for minor cosmetic differences. I do know that all of his friends hate me and all of my friends hate him. We drive each other crazy in ways that nobody else can even touch. We never bore each other. And we both realize what a rare thing this is.”
Augusten Burroughs, Dry
“I think part of the reason I'm attracted to Foster is because he's such a mess. I mean, the people I have loved in my life have never been easy to love. I'm not used to normal. I'm used to disaster. I don't know, as messed up as he is, he's also sort of exciting, sort of a challenge. I'm accustomed to working for love.”
Augusten Burroughs, Dry
“When you have your health, you have everything. When you do not have your health, nothing else matters at all.”
Augusten Burroughs, Dry: A Memoir. Augusten Burroughs
“Think of your head as an unsafe neighborhood; don't go there alone.”
Augusten Burroughs, Dry
“...handsome people are always interesting to watch. But a handsome person in crisis is riveting.”
Augusten Burroughs, Dry
“Why am I so anxious? And then it hits me. I'm not anxious, I'm lonely. And I'm lonely in some horribly deep way and for a flash of an instant, I can see just how lonely, and how deep this feeling runs. And it scares the shit out of me to be so lonely because it seems catastrophic - seeing the car just as it hits you.”
Augusten Burroughs, Dry
“He's a really nice guy, if only I weren't me.”
Augusten Burroughs, Dry
“And in my mind, this settles the issue. I would never drink cologne, and am therefore not an alcoholic.”
Augusten Burroughs, Dry
“Tracy, the leader of the CDH group, looks at me with eyes that seem to belong to someone three times her age. It's something beyond wisdom, all the way to insanity and back. It's like her eyes are scarred from all the things she's seen.”
Augusten Burroughs, Dry
“Sometimes when you work in advertising you'll get a product that's really garbage and you have to make it seem fantastic, something that is essential to the continued quality of life.”
Augusten Burroughs, Dry
“You have an incredible body." He reaches out to touch my stomach. I feel no pleasure in his compliment or his touch, only impatience. This is the only feeling. I feel like the paper on which my mood chart is printed.”
Augusten Burroughs, Dry
“We haven't slept together. But we've napped”
Augusten Burroughs, Dry
“His laugh is made if porch swings and lemonade”
Augusten Burroughs, Dry
“Should I just sit down, right here at carousel seven, and shake until somebody's arms are around me and they're saying, 'It's okay, I'm here, I'm here, come with me to the institute.”
Augusten Burroughs, Dry: A Memoir
“I once read about a guy who lost his arms in a fire. The nurse took pity on him and gave him a hand job. I don't even get that.”
Augusten Burroughs, Dry
“I sit there and think how it isn't fair that I can't drink at all, even a little. I realize I have crammed an entire lifetime of moderate drinking into a decade of hard-core drinking and that is why. I blew my wad.”
Augusten Burroughs, Dry
“What I really want is to sit next to someone on an L.L. bean blanket on the beach in the fall and drink coffee from the same mug. I don't want some rusty '73 Ford Pinto with a factory-defective gas tank that causes it to explode when its rear-ended in the parking lot of the supermarket. So why do I keep looking for Pintos?”
Augusten Burroughs, Dry
“After I cut off his penis, I sautéed it in rosemary butter and ate it"
"But did you go to a meeting afterwards?"
"Yes"
"I wouldn't worry about it, then.”
Augusten Burroughs, Dry
“Freshly brainwashed from rehab, I carry the bottle into the bathroom. I hold it up to the light. See the pretty bottle? Isn't it beautiful? Yes, it's beautiful. I unscrew the cap and pour it into the toilet. I flush twice. And then I think, why did I flush twice? The answer, is of course, because I truly do know myself. I cannot be sure I won't attempt to drink from the toilet, like a dog.”
Augusten Burroughs, Dry
“If you're gay and live in New York and don't go to gym, eventually they come for you.”
Augusten Burroughs, Dry
“Never work with children, puppies or bulimics”
Augusten Burroughs, Dry
“Nothing surprises me now," I tell him. I am stoic. I am Joan of Arc, with liver damage and an unused penis.”
Augusten Burroughs, Dry
tags: humor
“His toes wriggle in his socks and my first thought is, I want to snip them off with hedge trimmers. Not only does he not deserve to wriggle his toes, he does not deserve to have toes. He deserves to gave stumps. He cannot be trusted with toes because they enable him to walk and thus seek out the company of crack dealers. Kathy Bates's character completed understood this concept in Misery.”
Augusten Burroughs, Dry
“Suddenly, this word fills me with a sense of sadness I haven't felt since childhood. The kind of sadness you feel at the end of summer. When the fireflies are gone, the ponds are all dried up and the plants are wilted. It's no longer really summer but the air is still too warm and heavy to be fall. It's the season between seasons. It's the feeling of something dying.”
Augusten Burroughs, Dry
“There's not enough of me left over.”
Augusten Burroughs, Dry

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