Evergreens Are Prudish Quotes

“Alphabet: a symbolic system used in algebra, with applications that have yet to be discovered by dyslexics and two thirds of college graduates.”
― Bauvard, Evergreens Are Prudish

“Unrequited love is the only possible way to give yourself to another without being held in indentured servitude.”
― Bauvard, Evergreens Are Prudish

“If I weren’t too proud, I’d boast of my exaggerated opinion of myself.”
― Bauvard, Evergreens Are Prudish

“A man wrapped up in himself always suffocates. But his loved ones will forever hold in their hearts the memory of that Christmas.”
― Bauvard, Evergreens Are Prudish

“I admire Shakespeare enormously. But since I can’t be him, I’m glad that his marriage was unhappy and he’s dead.”
― Bauvard, Evergreens Are Prudish

“Love leads people to become lost in their own feelings and ignore the world, so it’s no surprise their love for the world goes unrequited.”
― Bauvard, Evergreens Are Prudish

“Selfishness is a bad habit. That’s why I always rationally think through my decisions to act without regard for others.”
― Bauvard, Evergreens Are Prudish

“The idealist hopes. The romantic sees doom. The postmodernist sees doom and hopes.”
― Bauvard, Evergreens Are Prudish

“Nothing else matters now that you love me.' - suicide note”
― Bauvard, Evergreens Are Prudish

“I wanted to have premarital sex with a midget, but I was afraid the ringmaster would banish me for unlawful carnival knowledge.”
― Bauvard, Evergreens Are Prudish

“If you're a nobody, just imagine a lot of celebrities are in love with you. Narcissism is the best cure for attention deficit disorder.”
― Bauvard, Evergreens Are Prudish

“Envy is for people who don’t have the self-esteem to be jealous.”
― Bauvard, Evergreens Are Prudish

“People are always insinuating that I’m rude. They say things like “Shh,” and “Careful what you say,” and “I think that guy’s listening in on our conversation.”
― Bauvard, Evergreens Are Prudish

“The lampshade on my head is for my bright ideas. I won't be able to convey them until Monday, when my curtain gets out of the dry cleaners.”
― Bauvard, Evergreens Are Prudish

“Passion is when a person all of a sudden becomes terribly important. It is even more unfair when they become memorable.”
― Bauvard, Evergreens Are Prudish

“The rich old men start the wars, but it’s the poor young men who portend them. If they didn't get old and rich, some excuse might have to be found to launch invasions.”
― Bauvard, Evergreens Are Prudish

“It’s commonplace to nitpick on minor faults. But it's exceptional to correct them through enlargement.”
― Bauvard, Evergreens Are Prudish

“Absence makes the heart grow fonder, until it stops beating. Getting ripped out of the chest tends to have that effect.”
― Bauvard, Evergreens Are Prudish

“The truth is never easy to take, but I’m getting better at it since I joined the thieves’ guild. I pluck it from liars' tongued when there's no bread in their mouths.”
― Bauvard, Evergreens Are Prudish

“An anniversary is the perfect time to celebrate all the missed opportunities to correct a mistake, and even take vows to renew it.”
― Bauvard, Evergreens Are Prudish

“First people lose their hair, then their vices, then their motivation. Then a toupee brings it all flowing back.”
― Bauvard, Evergreens Are Prudish

“Husband: a man with hopes of being a lover who settles for being a provider, causing his wife to grow suspicious of her depleting jewelry box.”
― Bauvard, Evergreens Are Prudish

“The nice thing about being an empty-headed pessimist is that that your glass is only half air.”
― Bauvard, Evergreens Are Prudish

“Where understanding connects two heads, love creates a hydra. Decapitate paramours, and it blossoms - but vases cannot hold the bouquet.”
― Bauvard, Evergreens Are Prudish

“Where the brave don't have the guts to question their immortal duty, cowards are rash about survival.”
― Bauvard, Evergreens Are Prudish

“Love your wife, your servant and your enemy equally, and file her credit card bills under the ‘enemy’ folder.”
― Bauvard, Evergreens Are Prudish

“Lovers are like lawyers: each manipulates the evidence as much as possible to outwit their opponent in the eyes of all. When the woman or defense attorney gets the upper hand, the result is dismissal.”
― Bauvard, Evergreens Are Prudish

“Realizing that love is a fundamental principle of life doesn’t guarantee a happy relationship, but at least you can make captain of the debate team.”
― Bauvard, Evergreens Are Prudish

“Every relationship is a tug of war, and I hope the scaffold wins.”
― Bauvard, Evergreens Are Prudish

“When you loathe yourself, a true friend will respect your honesty. And if you’ve been fortunate in life, he will probably share your opinion.”
― Bauvard, Evergreens Are Prudish