Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81. Quotes

“She didn't say it, I only thought she said it. So really it was my thought, my words, and not hers. How could I confuse "I love you" with "May I take your order?”
― Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

“You tell me you love me, but I’m not sure you know what love is, or how fast it flies, or how much it resembles a UFO, or what kind of weapon you’d use to shoot it down.”
― Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

“I wanted to tell her “I love you” back, but I guess in waiting for the perfect moment (the next commercial break), I ended up completely forgetting.”
― Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

“The only drink I like ice in is water, because you can’t water down water. I’m like that with love, too. Don’t you dare add any ice to the hot liquid loving I’m trying to pour all over you.”
― Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

“Love is like jumping out of an airplane with no parachute. But there’s no need to be frightened, because that plane is still on the ground.”
― Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

“Love is the jelly to sunshine’s peanut butter. And if I tell you that I’m in sandwich with you, I’m not just saying it to get in your Ziploc bag.”
― Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

“We can’t be lovers because we both have mustaches. But since you’re a lady, and I’m a gentleman, I’ll shave mine off.”
― Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

“You and I have a love so secret that not even you know about it. But first, let me introduce myself.”
― Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

“Love is like whoa! Actually, it's closer to woe.”
― Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

“I am the broth of love. Make soup to me.”
― Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

“Love is the most amazing feeling in the world. Let me double check. Yep, love is a feeling.”
― Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

“To love someone as much as you love yourself, that is the ideal. Especially if that someone is your clone.
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― Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

“Love waits patiently. In the lobby. I’ll be with you as soon as I can.”
― Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

“Love is like learning to ride a midget, which I’ve never done because I’m afraid of heights.”
― Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

“I don’t want to make love last, I want to make love second to last. The last thing we’ll do is cuddle.”
― Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

“As much as I want to make love to you, I’d rather make love to your clone.”
― Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

“Love is you wearing her favorite shirt of yours, just like you did yesterday and the day before. And the day before that too.”
― Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

“I’ve got a way with love. Away with love.”
― Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

“I know a woman loves me when she leaves me leftovers in the fridge from the date she went on the night before.
”
― Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

“Love has a certain weightlessness to it, much as my meaty penis would on the moon.”
― Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

“Love speaks to the heart like a mime to a mute.”
― Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

“Let love find you. Don’t go looking for it. The best way to attract a mate is to post an ad on Craigslist titled, “Have lube, will travel.”
― Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

“I am approximately 96.694444% in love with you. Of course, that’s just a rough estimate.”
― Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

“A wife is a friend first, a lover second, and third and probably most important, a maid.”
― Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

“Pain produces progress. So if you truly love me, you will try to hurt me as much as you can. If you really want me to grow as a person, you will water me with betrayal, abuse, neglect, derision, thievery, and possibly even torture.”
― Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

“Love is like a portable lamp/sex toy. The world calls those flashlights, but I’m much more romantic.”
― Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

“I blew the love trumpet until my cheeks were blue. Then I paid 34 bucks for a taxicab ride home so I could admire my receding hairline in the mirror.”
― Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

“Love is a green sky on a blue pasture, and I am the flying cow eating it all up.”
― Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

“If I had no penis, how would I pee? How would I make love? How would I think?”
― Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

“I am the archaeologist of love. I’m digging for the bones of a loved one I shot and buried decades ago.”
― Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.