It's Not Me, It's You Quotes

Rate this book
Clear rating
It's Not Me, It's You It's Not Me, It's You by Jon Richardson
2,360 ratings, 3.60 average rating, 191 reviews
Open Preview
It's Not Me, It's You Quotes (showing 1-27 of 27)
“I don't mean to hate people, I just get forced into it.”
Jon Richardson, It's Not Me, It's You
“If you love something,
Let it go,
If it comes back it's yours,
That's how you know kno-o-ow

Nonsense, Christina Aguilera! I say, 'If you love it, file it away under "Things I love". If it's required at a later date, you'll know exactly where it i-i-i-is.”
Jon Richardson, It's Not Me, It's You
“There is simply too much to be done for us all to go round 'enjoying ourselves.' When the world is perfect, then we can all sit down and eat jelly beans, but for now the fact that things are going well for you just means that you are in a position to alleviate someone else's suffering for a while.”
Jon Richardson, It's Not Me, It's You
“I refuse to believe that clubbing is how people are supposed to meet to establish relationships on a level for beyond what we consider to be a norm in modern society.”
Jon Richardson, It's Not Me, It's You
“I am in no doubt that if you use the term 'luv' in a letter or text message then you are incapable of truly understanding the emotion. Artists have not pored over heartache and unrequited sentimentality for years so that our generation could decide that four letters is simply one too many to express how we feel.”
Jon Richardson, It's Not Me, It's You
“I know very well that I have no reason to feel aggrieved - I am fully aware of how lucky I am, but knowing it and still being down makes me hate myself all the more.”
Jon Richardson, It's Not Me, It's You
“Anyone who tells you that it is better to have loved and lost that to never loved at all has never done both.”
Jon Richardson, It's Not Me, It's You
“My favourite pub game is, of course, snooker. Any game whose rules basically amount to finding a table covered in mess and slowly and methodically putting it all away out of sight is one with which I can empathise emphatically.”
Jon Richardson, It's Not Me, It's You
“I believe passionately in love, I even believe in 'the one' to a certain exert, but I am willing to play the waiting game and patiently await their arrival rather than dive into relationships I know not to be right in the mean time.”
Jon Richardson, It's Not Me, It's You
“Any second... now? No. I am a 'mourning person. Not because anybody close to me has recently passed away, but because I use that term to describe my demeanour at daybreak and as a way of separating myself from what are known as 'morning people' - those high-functioning, grinning morons, who skip out their beds and pounce at the dawn as eagerly and energetically as a young puppy greets a hanging shoelace.
My mornings are (with the exception of Christmas Day) dark and sombre affairs, spent grieving the sleep of which I've been robbed; morning is when blades of daylight hack viciously at the dreams that have kept you company through the night.”
Jon Richardson, It's Not Me, It's You
“The last time I went back to a girl's house for an impromptu house party I spent most of the night straightening out rugs, putting down coasters and alphabetising DVDs while all around me people got off with whoever was closest and gradually headed off to various rooms to make more mess, no doubt.”
Jon Richardson, It's Not Me, It's You
“Why do fools fall in love? I'll tell you why, because everybody else has simply got too much else to do.”
Jon Richardson, It's Not Me, It's You
“My weirdness aside, if I am to find any friends, particularly a girlfriend, she will almost certainly have to be a human. My previous track record tends to suggest that of all species that exist on the planet, it has so far been exclusively humans to whom I find myself sexually attracted. This is a good thing legally if nothing else.”
Jon Richardson, It's Not Me, It's You
“I don’t mean to hate people, I just get forced into it.”
Jon Richardson, It's Not Me, It's You
“Such is my desire only to see the best parts of my partner and vice-versa that I must confess to being able to remember each time I have seen someone I was in love with fall over. I cannot help but be disappointed by such a shocking inability to perform such a simple task as staying upright.”
Jon Richardson, It's Not Me, It's You
“The test of total independence comes each night when the bedroom door closes behind you, the lights go out and all that there is to keep you company in the infinite darkness are your thoughts.”
Jon Richardson, It's Not Me, It's You
“It is probably worth asking at this point, who exactly is my perfect woman? Attractive? Yes. Intelligent. Of course. Blah blah blah … All of these things together? Absolutely not! What on earth would a woman like that be doing with a man such as myself? Cheating on him, that’s what.”
Jon Richardson, It's Not Me, It's You
“The best dating advice I can give you is that women like men who aren’t weird”
Jon Richardson, It's Not Me, It's You
“Somehow, happiness is not diminished by being shared out with other people.”
Jon Richardson, It's Not Me, It's You
“[On setting all clocks at varying times in advance...]
A selfless gesture on my part which ensures I am never late, but really only means that I spend time waiting not only for people who are late but also for people who are on time.”
Jon Richardson, It's Not Me, It's You
“I suffered with a desire to be alone, unfortunately coupled with an intolerance of others.”
Jon Richardson, It's Not Me, It's You
“The only honest answer when someone asks you if you love them is 'at the moment, yes', but try saying that without getting a kick in the chaps.”
Jon Richardson, It's Not Me, It's You
“University is where people go to 'find themselves' which is all well and good, but it should not be assumed that you will like what you discover there.”
Jon Richardson, It's Not Me, It's You
“I certainly find it difficult to relate to people who seem incapable of doing anything on their own, needing company even whilst simply watching TV and drinking a cup of tea for fear of what their brain might do to them while it has no one there to interrupt it.”
Jon Richardson, It's Not Me, It's You
“Like all ideas, the idea of soulmates was created at a time when the world wasn't so big. Religion prospered when it didn't have to deal with multiculturalism, now it is drowning.”
Jon Richardson, It's Not Me, It's You
“I hate things and I do so because it is clean and easy and makes me feel better about myself without having to ask why I don't get my own house in order first.”
Jon Richardson, It's Not Me, It's You
“Happiness, like sleep, in order to be fully effective must involve some sort of yielding of conscious thought.”
Jon Richardson, It's Not Me, It's You

All Quotes
Quotes By Jon Richardson
Play The 'Guess That Quote' Game