I Want Quotes

“I want to write my own eulogy, and I want to write it in Latin. It seems only fitting to read a dead language at my funeral.”
― Jarod Kintz, I Want

“I want to meet a guy named Art. I'd take him to a museum, hang him on the wall, criticize him, and leave.”
― Jarod Kintz, I Want

“I want my kids to have the things in life that I never had when I was growing up. Things like beards and chest hair.”
― Jarod Kintz, I Want

“I want to lose weight by eating nothing but moon pies, which have significantly less gravity than earthier foods such as fruits and vegetables.”
― Jarod Kintz, I Want

“I want my time to be taken up by chores, errands, appointments, and arguments. In other words, I want to get married.”
― Jarod Kintz, I Want

“I want to write the Boston Marathon of run-on sentences. And since it'll be so long, I'll replace all the commas with the word Gatorade, to help push people through it.”
― Jarod Kintz, I Want

“I want to create a seventeen-syllable word that encompasses the human condition, and then use that word to form the world’s most perfect haiku.”
― Jarod Kintz, I Want

“I want to write a poem about "Truth," "Honor," "Dignity," and whether the toilet paper should roll over or under when you pull on it.”
― Jarod Kintz, I Want

“I like to spoon after I fork.”
― Jarod Kintz, I Want

“I want to get the words "Courage" and "Bravery" tattooed across my back, so people could associate me with those things as they read them while they chase me.”
― Jarod Kintz, I Want

“I want to upholster the inside lining of my nostrils with leather, to have that "new car smell" all the time.”
― Jarod Kintz, I Want

“I want to keep a human mouth on my coffee table. It’ll be a great conversation starter.”
― Jarod Kintz, I Want

“I want to be a naughty pirate, because when I put on that eye patch, it barely covers my genitals.”
― Jarod Kintz, I Want

“I want to be a cowboy, but only long enough to barge into a saloon and bellow, "Who's the yellowbelly that stole my happy trail?”
― Jarod Kintz, I Want

“I want to end global hunger by feeding half the world’s starving people to the other half.”
― Jarod Kintz, I Want

“I want my relationship with my girlfriend to be built on trust, not toothpicks, rubber bands, and lentil beans.”
― Jarod Kintz, I Want

“I want to be strapped to a table, while a family of chickens argues over who gets to eat my legs.”
― Jarod Kintz, I Want

“I want to write a book so long that it will take the average person their whole life to read. It will be exactly the same length as the Bible.”
― Jarod Kintz, I Want

“I want to spend less time talking about myself, and more time listening to what other people have to say about me.”
― Jarod Kintz, I Want

“I want to see an elephant hunt down a man for the sole purpose of collecting his teeth, while a chorus of typewriters sings songs that praises the bananas for their wisdom, leadership, and their high levels of potassium.”
― Jarod Kintz, I Want

“I want to merge a Phoenix with a Camel to create the world's first everlasting cigarette. It'll be a cigarette that rises from its own ashes, so you can keep smoking it indefinitely.”
― Jarod Kintz, I Want

“I want my words to illuminate like the sun, as I give my daily lecture on photosynthesis to my houseplants.”
― Jarod Kintz, I Want

“I want certain conversations to come equipped with antilock brakes, especially if I'm talking to a real airbag.”
― Jarod Kintz, I Want

“I want to be more like James Bond, and less like Ian Fleming.”
― Jarod Kintz, I Want

“I want to get the huge wart that looks like a nose removed from my back, but first I'm going to try to grow a mustache underneath it, to make it less noticeable.”
― Jarod Kintz, I Want

“I want to write a book called, "Bonfires and Bras," which follows around a young, braless feminist who struggles to adopt in air conditioned rooms, as her hardened nipples cause her excess embarrassment.”
― Jarod Kintz, I Want

“I want to make pants out of tuna fish, to accompany my cottage cheese thighs.”
― Jarod Kintz, I Want

“I wanted to write “I Want” because wanting is one of the things I want most in life.”
― Jarod Kintz, I Want