Jingo Quotes

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Jingo (Discworld, #21) Jingo by Terry Pratchett
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Jingo Quotes (showing 1-30 of 40)
“Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day, but set fire to him and he's warm for the rest of his life.”
Terry Pratchett, Jingo
“Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.”
Terry Pratchett, Jingo
“The intelligence of that creature known as a crowd is the square root of the number of people in it.”
Terry Pratchett, Jingo
“Night poured over the desert. It came suddenly, in purple. In the clear air, the stars drilled down out of the sky, reminding any thoughtful watcher that it is in the deserts and high places that religions are generated. When men see nothing but bottomless infinity over their heads they have always had a driving and desperate urge to find someone to put in the way.”
Terry Pratchett, Jingo
“It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things.”
Terry Pratchett, Jingo
tags: war
“Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.”
Terry Pratchett, Jingo
tags: humor
“It is always useful to face an enemy who is prepared to die for his country," he read. "This means that both you and he have exactly the same aim in mind.”
Terry Pratchett, Jingo
tags: war
“Were you proposing to shoot these people in cold blood, sergeant?"
"Nossir. Just a warning shot inna head, sir.”
Terry Pratchett, Jingo
“Oh, my dear Vimes, history changes all the time. It is constantly being re-examined and re-evaluated, otherwise how would we be able to keep historians occupied? We can't possibly allow people with their sort of minds to walk around with time on their hands.”
Terry Pratchett, Jingo
“It is a long-cherished tradition among a certain type of military thinker that huge casualties are the main thing. If they are on the other side then this is a valuable bonus.”
Terry Pratchett, Jingo
“It was much better to imagine men in some smokey room somewhere, made mad and cynical by privilege and power, plotting over brandy. You had to cling to this sort of image, because if you didn't then you might have to face the fact that bad things happened because ordinary people, the kind who brushed the dog and told the children bed time stories, were capable of then going out and doing horrible things to other ordinary people. It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was Us, then what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things.”
Terry Pratchett, Jingo
“Any sensible ruler would have killed off Leonard, and Lord Vetinari was extremely sensible and often wondered why he had not done so. He'd decided that it was because, imprisoned in the priceless, inquiring amber of Leonard's massive mind, underneath that bright investigative genius was a kind of willful innocence that might in lesser men be called stupidity. It was the seat and soul of that force which, down the millennia, had caused mankind to stick its fingers in the electric light socket of the Universe and play with the switch to see what happened - and then be very surprised when it did.”
Terry Pratchett, Jingo
“After all, when you seek advice from someone it's certainly not because you want them to give it. You just want them to be there while you talk to yourself.”
Terry Pratchett, Jingo
“Fortune favours the brave, sir," said Carrot cheerfully.

"Good. Good. Pleased to hear it, captain. What is her position vis a vis heavily armed, well prepared and excessively manned armies?"

"Oh, no–one's ever heard of Fortune favouring them, sir."

"According to General Tacticus, it's because they favour themselves," said Vimes. He opened the battered book. Bits of paper and string indicated his many bookmarks. "In fact, men, the general has this to say about ensuring against defeat when outnumbered, out–weaponed and outpositioned. It is..." he turned the page, "'Don't Have a Battle.'"

"Sounds like a clever man," said Jenkins. He pointed to the yellow horizon.

"See all that stuff in the air?" he said. "What do you think that is?"

"Mist?" said Vimes.

"Hah, yes. Klatchian mist! It's a sandstorm! The sand blows about all the time. Vicious stuff. If you want to sharpen your sword, just hold it up in the air."

"Oh."

"And it's just as well because otherwise you'd see Mount Gebra. And below it is what they call the Fist of Gebra. It's a town but there's a bloody great fort, walls thirty feet thick. 's like a big city all by itself. 's got room inside for thousands of armed men, war elephants, battle camels, everything. And if you saw that, you'd want me to turn round right now. Whats your famous general got to say about it, eh?"

"I think I saw something..." said Vimes. He flicked to another page. "Ah, yes, he says, 'After the first battle of Sto Lat, I formulated a policy which has stood me in good stead in other battles. It is this: if the enemy has an impregnable stronghold, see he stays there.'"

"That's a lot of help," said Jenkins.

Vimes slipped the book into a pocket.

"So, Constable Visit, there's a god on our side, is there?"

"Certainly, sir."

"But probably also a god on their side as well?"

"Very likely, sir. There's a god on every side."

"Let's hope they balance out, then.”
Terry Pratchett, Jingo
“Are we entirely ready, sir?" said Lieutenant Hornett, with the special inflection that means "We are not entirely ready, sir."

"We had better be. Glory awaits, gentlemen. In the words of General Tacticus, 'let us take history by the scrotum.' Of course, he was not a very honourable fighter.”
Terry Pratchett, Jingo
tags: war
“Taxation, gentlemen, is very much like dairy farming. The task is to extract the maximum amount of milk with the minimum amount of moo.”
Terry Pratchett, Jingo
“Men marched away, Vimes. And men marched back. How glorious the battles would have been that they never had to fight!”
Terry Pratchett, Jingo
“Carrot started to clap.

It wasn't the clap used by middlings to encourage underlings to applaud overlings. It had genuine enthusiasm behind it which was, somehow, worse.”
Terry Pratchett, Jingo
“If you must know, he said 'my goodness me, a walking potato”
Terry Pratchett, Jingo
“Тълпата има коефициент на интелигентнист, корен квадратен на броя на учстниците в нея.”
Terry Pratchett, Jingo
tags: guards
“They represented what people called the "international community." And like all uses of the word "community," you were never quite sure what or who it was.”
Terry Pratchett, Jingo
“Do you need an excuse to have a war? I mean, who for? Can't you just say "You got lots of cash and land, but I've got a big sword, so divvy up right now, chop chop.”
Terry Pratchett, Jingo
“What about the Vimes manual, then?" snapped Vimes. "I notice you've never bothered to learn how to use me!" The demon hesitated.

"Humans come with a manual?" it said.

"It'd be a damn good idea!" said Vimes.

"True," murmured Angua.

"It could say things like 'Chapter One: Bingeley bingeley beep and other damn fool things to spring on people at six in the morning," said Vimes, his eyes wild. "And 'Troubleshooting: my owner keeps trying to drop me in the privy, what am I doing wrong?”
Terry Pratchett, Jingo
“My strength is as the strength of ten because my heart is pure," said Carrot.

"Really? Well, there's eleven of them.”
Terry Pratchett, Jingo
“Sometimes I dream that we could deal with the big crimes, that we could make a law for countries and not just for people,”
Terry Pratchett, Jingo
“We need to borrow your boat," said Vimes.

"Bugger off!"

"I'm choosing to believe that was a salty nautical expression meaning 'Why, certainly,'" said Vimes.”
Terry Pratchett, Jingo
“They looked up. Someone with a face and apron that said ‘barman’ in seven hundred languages was standing over them, a wine jug in each hand.
"No women in here," he went on.

"Why not?" said Nobby.

"No women asking questions, neither."

"Why not?"

“‘cos it is written, that’s why.”

"Where’m I supposed to go, then?"

The barman shrugged. “Who knows where women go?”

"Off you go, Beti," said the Patrician. "And … listen for information!"

Nobby grabbed the cup of wine from Colon and gulped it down.

"I dunno," he moaned. "I’ve only been a woman ten minutes and already I hate you male bastards.”
Terry Pratchett, Jingo
tags: nobby
“Jeden ze zakladnich zakonu stesti: Vzdycky se mej na pozoru pred jakymkoliv uzitecnym zarizenim, ktere vazi min nez jeho manual.”
Terry Pratchett, Jingo
tags: humor
“Colon looked awkward, as if the bunched underwear of the past was tangling itself in the crotch of recollection.”
Terry Pratchett, Jingo
“All that yohoho stuff's for landlubbers, or it would be if we ever used words like landlubber. Do you know the difference between port and starboard? I don't. I've never even drunk starboard.”
Terry Pratchett, Jingo

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