"I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book."
— Groucho Marx

"Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies."
— Woody Allen

"There is a certain relief in change, even though it be from bad to worse; as I have found in traveling in a stage coach, that it is often a comfort to shift one's position and be bruised in a new place."
— Washington Irving (Tales of a Traveller)

"There is no character, howsoever good and fine, but it can be destroyed by ridicule, howsoever poor and witless. Observe the ass, for instance: his character is about perfect, he is the choicest spirit among all the humbler animals, yet see what ridicule has brought him to. Instead of feeling complimented when we are called an ass, we are left in doubt. "
— Mark Twain (Pudd'nhead Wilson)

"Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances."
— First Amendment, United States Constitution