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“Capitalism tries for a delicate balance: It attempts to work things out so that everyone gets just enough stuff to keep them from getting violent and trying to take other people’s stuff.”
George Carlin
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“Reminds me of something my grandfather would say. He'd say, "I'm goin' upstairs to fuck your grandmother." He was an honest man, and he wasn't going to bullshit a four-year-old.”
George Carlin
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Brain Droppings by George Carlin
“I read that Monica Seles got stabbed. And although I have nothing against Monica Seles, I'm glad somebody in sports got stabbed. I like the idea of it; it's good entertainment. If we're lucky, it'll spread through sports. And show business, too! Wouldn't you like to see a guy jump up on stage and stab some famous singer? Especially a real shitty pop singer? Maybe they'll even start stabbing comedians. Fuck it, I'm ready! I never perform without my can of mace. I have a switchblade knife, too. I'll cut your eye out and go right on telling jokes.”
George Carlin
More of Bt's books…
George Carlin
“I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?”
George Carlin

George Carlin
“If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?”
George Carlin

George Carlin
“When someone asks you, A penny for your thoughts, and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?”
George Carlin

George Carlin
“People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.”
George Carlin, When Will Jesus Bring The Pork Chops?

George Carlin
“I bet you anything that 10 times out of 10, Nicky, Vinny and Tony will beat the shit out of Todd, Kyle and Tucker.”
George Carlin

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