Howard read and liked Maria's review of Messing with My Head: The Shocking True Story of My Lobotomy:

"A memoir, although sadly ghost written, but never-the-less not a bad read. Howard Dullys Mother dies when he is 5 and he is never really told what has happened to her. His father then remarries which is where the real trouble begins. Howard's Father ...more A memoir, although sadly ghost written, but never-the-less not a bad read. Howard Dullys Mother dies when he is 5 and he is never really told what has happened to her. His father then remarries which is where the real trouble begins. Howard's Father Rodney marries a woman called Lou, Lou for whatever reason, really does not take to Howard. He becomes the focus of her rage and anger, she singles him out for the worst treatment of all the children, his own brothers and her own two boys. She cannot stand him and he is labeled difficult, dirty, useless, lazy and stupid. Rodney does nothing to protect his son, he avoids facing up to the problems of his life by working, he works full-time as a teacher and also has four other part-time jobs. It seems he will do anything to avoid being at home. When he does get involved it's to met out his own punishment and frustrations, beating Howard with wood planks, both parents seem to think the only way to straighten him out is to punish him viciously. Howard becomes the bad boy they want him to be, he finds school hard despite being a fairly bright student, he is terribly lonely and sad, he is burdened with unexpressed grief for the loss of his mother.

Lou takes Howard to psychiatrist after psychiatrist, but they will only confirm what she doesn't want to hear, the boy just needs to be loved and he is reacting to an unloving and unfair home life. Eventually Lou finds someone who will listen, his name is Dr Freeman, although Freeman seems to understand that Howard's home life is mostly to blame, he is keen to extend the use of his new technique for dealing with mental anguish, the lobotomy.

The lobotomy is a pretty random treatment, and it is shocking how Freeman was let loose to use this procedure which often killed the very people he was trying to help. Freeman seems to be a bit of a tortured soul himself and becomes so obsessed with the idea of being admired and famed for his discovery he is completely blind to the dangers and damage that he is causing. He develops a new technique called the transorbital lobotomy. Using an ice pick like instrument he stabs the patient repeatedly behind the eye sockets, targeting the frontal lobe region of the brain. He then twirls the instruments, litterally mushing up the brain, there doesn't seem to be any kind of precision or skill to this. Some patients improved but were not the same person, some hemorrhaged to death, some became like children, some vegetables, it was a game of Russian roulette.

He seemed to jump at the chance to perform this operation on Howard, Howard Dully was only 12 years old when this took place. No one stopped this, no one stood up for Howard, not even his Father who obviously was not comfortable with it, but could not stand up to his own wife and protect his son. Howard survived, but the rest of his adolescences and adult life were difficult. It did not make him become the compliant vegetable that Lou wanted, he was still a problem, and was shifted through various institutions he did not belong in, special needs homes, juvenile hall, and finally an mental asylum. He was a problem that would not go away, he was not welcome home, Howard was lost. His adulthood was dominated by drug and alcohol abuse, he could not hold down a job or take responsibility for himself. It was a long time before Howard finally began to pull things together and try to go back and find out what had happened to him and why. Did he do something wrong? Was he that bad? Howard seemed to blame himself, what other conclusion could he come to. Part of the healing process for him was the making of a radio programme. A radio producer made him the centre of an entire documentary programme about the lobotomy. It was through this programme that he met other victims and found out more about his circumstances, he got to read his files and see actual photographs of him during his lobotomy. The saddest part of this journey was at the end, he had to interview his own father, Howard is so honest and at the age of 50, he still desperately wants his fathers love, it is heartbreaking. Rodney cannot show his feelings to anyone and certainly not his own son. When asked direct questions about why he allowed this to happen, why he consented, he avoids and diverts off the subject and blames Lou completely. Even when Howard tells him that he loves him, he seems self conscious and unable to just say, I love you too son, he cannot even hug his son although he claims that he does not hold Howard's past against him now. Howard is magnanimous in his acceptance of his fathers limits and even Lou's because of their own trouble childhoods, he wanted them to love him but they could not. It is hard to tell what caused Howard's difficulties as an adult trying to live, was it the lobotomy? Or was it the terrible abuse he suffered at the hands of a vicious stepmother and an unloving father.
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