Cocaine Pages discussion

15 views
Fun! > joke around

Comments (showing 1-19 of 19) (19 new)    post a comment »
dateDown arrow    newest »

message 1: by Ana , compulsive dreamer (new)

Ana  (anavladescu) | 275 comments Mod
ok so here we post jokes that we found


message 2: by Laurentiu, Acta non verba (last edited Aug 20, 2012 01:28PM) (new)

Laurentiu Lazar (Laur1989) | 172 comments Mod
Since I started reading Sherlock Holmes series,I've been searching stuff about his character. So of course I found a couple of jokes that have him as a protagonist. I'm gonna list one of them, the one that seems to have placed 2nd in a joke contest some years ago.

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. As they lay down for the night, Holmes asked: "Watson, look up into the sky and tell me what you see".
Watson said "I see millions and millions of stars".
Holmes: "And what does that tell you?"
Watson ponders for a minute. "Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Timewise, it appears to be approximately a quarter
past three. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically,it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"

Holmes: "Elementary, my dear Watson. Somebody stole our tent".


message 3: by Ana , compulsive dreamer (new)

Ana  (anavladescu) | 275 comments Mod
that's so funny! :)) ok i'm gonna try one. found it this morning and thought that if I get to that age I'm not going to be happy!

As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two...
Sir Norman Wisdom


message 4: by Laurentiu, Acta non verba (last edited Aug 21, 2012 10:03AM) (new)

Laurentiu Lazar (Laur1989) | 172 comments Mod
Hehe good one. But we got the best solution to avoid memory loss,just keep reading and work the hell out of our brains.

Here's another one, told by one of my professors at the faculty.

In some foreign country a priest, a lawyer and an engineer are about to be guillotined. The priest puts his head on the block, they pull the rope and nothing happens -- he declares that he's been saved by divine intervention -- so he's let go.

The lawyer is put on the block, and again the rope doesn't release the blade, he claims he can't be executed twice for the same crime he is set free too.

They grab the engineer and shove his head into the guillotine, he looks up at the release mechanism and says, "Wait a minute, I see your problem......"


message 5: by Laurentiu, Acta non verba (last edited Aug 22, 2012 11:15AM) (new)

Laurentiu Lazar (Laur1989) | 172 comments Mod
A joke that J.R.R. Tolkien made to a friend of his while he was studying at Oxford around 1913.

Tolkien: A practical joke

One day a friend of Tolkien's purchased a pair of silk gloves for his lady. He was foolish enough to send the gloves along with the following love letter with his friends (Tolkien and the gang). They switched the gloves with a pair of ladies underwear along the way. Imagine her surprise when receiving the "gift" with THIS letter...

Dear Velma:
This little token is to remind you that I haven't forgotten your birthday. I didn't choose it because I thought you needed them, or because you haven't been in the habit of wearing them, or because we go out evenings. Had it not been for my sister I would have gotten long ones but she says they are wearing the short ones-with one button. They are a very delicate color, I know, but the lady clerk showed me a pair she had worn for three weeks, and they were scarcely soiled at all. How I wish I might put them on you for the first time! No doubt many other gentlemen's hands will touch them before I get a chance to see you again, but I hope you will think of me every time you put them on. I had the lady clerk try them on and they looked very neat on her. I did not know the exact size, but I should be capable of judging nearer than anyone else. When you put them on for the first time put a little powder in them and they will slip on easier. When you remove them blow in them before laying them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing. Hoping that you will accept them in the same spirit in which they are given and that you will wear them to the dance Friday night, I remain

Lovingly yours:-
John

P.S. Note the number of times I will kiss the back of them in the coming year!

:))))


message 6: by Ana , compulsive dreamer (new)

Ana  (anavladescu) | 275 comments Mod
Laurentiu wrote: "Hehe good one. But we got the best solution to avoid memory loss,just keep reading and work the hell out of our brains.

Here's another one, told by one of my professors at the faculty.

In some fo..."


ok this was soooo good :)))
it's so funny, the engineer's been signing on his death certificate with his own hand!


message 7: by Ana , compulsive dreamer (new)

Ana  (anavladescu) | 275 comments Mod
Laurentiu wrote: "A joke that J.R.R. Tolkien made to a friend of his while he was studying at Oxford around 1913.

Tolkien: A practical joke

One day a friend of Tolkien's purchased a pair of silk gloves for his lad..."


I can't stop laughing. I think I read it like 5 times already


message 8: by Laurentiu, Acta non verba (new)

Laurentiu Lazar (Laur1989) | 172 comments Mod
I'm gonna make it a habit to post a joke every day.So here we have Thursday's joke.

There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."

"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."

"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."


message 9: by Ana , compulsive dreamer (new)

Ana  (anavladescu) | 275 comments Mod
A completely inebriated man walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her, placed his hand up
her skirt and began fondling her.

She jumped up and slapped him silly.

He immediately apologized and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her."

"Why you drunken, worthless, insufferable son of a BITCH!" she screamed.

"Funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her."


message 10: by Laurentiu, Acta non verba (new)

Laurentiu Lazar (Laur1989) | 172 comments Mod
GoDeeper!!! :)) I really enjoyed that one :)


message 11: by Ana , compulsive dreamer (new)

Ana  (anavladescu) | 275 comments Mod
yeah I was reading it right now and I'm laughing so hard.. we have a joke that resembles that in Romanian but it's way shorter and a little more stupid :))


message 12: by Laurentiu, Acta non verba (new)

Laurentiu Lazar (Laur1989) | 172 comments Mod
Politics explained!

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,"

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I Understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about." The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit."


message 13: by Ana , compulsive dreamer (last edited Aug 25, 2012 03:08AM) (new)

Ana  (anavladescu) | 275 comments Mod
oh my god, where do you find these jokes?! this is awesome! :))))


message 14: by Laurentiu, Acta non verba (new)

Laurentiu Lazar (Laur1989) | 172 comments Mod
This was funny :))) I liked it also. Since I'm working on my PC, sometimes I need some distractions, so I'm either on goodreads/youtube(music listening) or searching for quotes,idioms or jokes.


message 15: by Laurentiu, Acta non verba (last edited Aug 27, 2012 05:22AM) (new)

Laurentiu Lazar (Laur1989) | 172 comments Mod
'I ended up with an older woman at a club last night. She looked OK for a 57-year-old.In fact, she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself thinking that she probably had a hot daughter.

We drank a bit, had a bit of a snuggle, and she asked if I'd ever had a Sportsman's Double.

'What's that?' I asked.

'It's a mother and daughter threesome,' she said.

I said, 'No' - excitedly.

We drank a bit more, then she says that tonight was
'my lucky night'.

She asked me back to her place. When we got there she put on the hall light and shouted upstairs: 'Mom, you still awake?'


message 16: by Ana , compulsive dreamer (new)

Ana  (anavladescu) | 275 comments Mod
Kyle ~The Rebel Leader~ wrote: "The Two Ants

There are two ants living in a girl's pair of panties.

One day they decide to go exploring in the caves. They said to meet back in the same spot in and hour.

So, one ant went in one..."


omg this is sooo yuckyyyy :))))))


message 17: by Ana , compulsive dreamer (new)

Ana  (anavladescu) | 275 comments Mod
I agree with you :)))


message 18: by Ana , compulsive dreamer (new)

Ana  (anavladescu) | 275 comments Mod
Shrishti~Music~Psyche wrote: "Brunette- I'll be the first brunette to step on Mars! Yay!
Ginger- I'll be the first ginger to step on Venus! Yay!
Blonde- and I'll be the first blonde to step on the Sun! Double yay!
Brunette- but..."


phahahahaha so funny! I haven't heard this one, it's good.


message 19: by Ana , compulsive dreamer (new)

Ana  (anavladescu) | 275 comments Mod
I'm a blonde and I enjoy them also :)))


back to top

unread topics | mark unread


Authors mentioned in this topic

J.R.R. Tolkien (other topics)