Teen Writers - Contests and Tips and More!
> Sixth Contest Winner!
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Destiny (Elizabeth Grace)
, Head Moderator
Aug 11, 2012 08:36AM
Congratulations to Ashlyn, for winning her THIRD contest! Wow! Here's the winning story:
Like a Moth to a Flame
I headed straight out of my boathouse just to see the dawn. Heavenly gold sunrays burst through the clouds. They shimmered off Loch Saileach’s choppy green waters, warped by the ripples. The sun was persistent on breaking the cloudy barrier that concealed last night’s moon.
Gold. Warmth. Light. I found myself to my hips in the water, still clothed in a nightdress. The sun was like an opening to another world of purity.
Like a moth to a flame, I was drawn.
It was irresistible. I was swimming. For what purpose, you may ask. Why swim for just sunlight? I don’t know myself. Sometimes you just do these things.
I paddled forward. The water was cold, almost frigid, sucking out the heat in my body. My hair was becoming mousy rat’s tails. My nightdress was getting heavier. Just to the sunlight. All I needed was one beam to get rid of the discomfort.
I was there. Finally. I’d reached the sun.
I slid myself into a ray, turning so that I was on my back. Loch Saileach kept me afloat as my hair fanned out and I spread my arms. My front was bathed in warmness, a gentle, autumn warmness that stroked the skin instead of penetrated.
I lay like this, eyes closed and lips parted, until I felt water trickle into my mouth and realized I’d gone under. I splashed around, mildly disoriented, until my head was up and my feet were down.
I hadn’t realized how close I’d gotten to the mainland. Seldom a time I’d been there; my family always kept my little sister Aideen and I at the house while they boated over to get what we needed. I was sure I’d been to the mainland before, when I was young, but I remembered nothing.
Who could I hurt if I swam the rest of the way?
It was tiring, but I got there, to shore, and flopped onto the sand. I spent a minute or so gasping for breath, my limbs sprawled and my splayed fingers burrowing into the dirt.
When I got up, I beat the sand off my nightdress and shaded my honey brown eyes to take a look at the boathouse. Baby blue siding, set aglow by the dawn light that brought me here.
I stretched my limbs one last time and marched into town.
People, everywhere. People milling about on the streets, people coming in and out of houses, people buying things from market stands. So many people! So much going on!
I headed over to a jewellery stand. Admittedly, I was giddy. Town life was bustling and rushing and fun. I got funny looks from some of the people. It wouldn’t be too normal to see a girl, sopping wet and still in pyjamas, walking through the streets with a big stupid smile slapped on her face. But I didn’t care. This was all too exciting.
I flopped my hair back behind my shoulders and hovered over the jewellery stand. A pile of glass bead bracelets beckoned to me. I touched delicate fingers to them, peeking at each. Blue, purple, green, and the three colours of the Irish flag. Red, orange, blue and green, green and gold.
Green and gold. The colours of the lake and the sunlight. I untangled it from the glimmering heap and held it where the light could shine through the beads.
Perfect. I shook it onto my wrist and started towards another stand.
“Hey you! You gotta pay for that, lass!”
The voice was signalling me. I turned myself back ground. The squat, gruff man at the jewellery stand had his hairy arms folded. “Pay up, lass.” He pointed a sausage finger to a sign I hadn’t seen earlier. A sign with prices.
“I have no money.” I didn’t even have pockets.
“Then hand the bracelet over. It’s not yours unless you pay.”
Crestfallen, I removed the bracelet and pressed it into the man’s open hand.
“Uh…do you want me to pay for it?”
A third voice sounded from next to me. I twisted my head, hand still on the bracelet. A boy, tall and thin, flicked his sea foam green eyes between me and the jewellery man.
“I’ll pay.” He was more assertive this time. The boy fished some money out of his jacket pocket at set it on the counter.
Indifferent, the jewellery man scooped the cash up and dropped the bracelet back into my hand.
“Thank you…” I turned the jewellery over and over in my hands, biting my bottom lip. The lad was taller than me, but had to be about my age. His hair was dark black-brown. Thin face. Large nose.
He looked over at me. “No problem. It wasn’t very expensive.”
“I’m Teagan.” I blurted it instead of spoke.
“Bradan. I’ve never seen you in the village before, Teagan.”
Bradan. “I…uh, live on the other side of the Loch.”
“That might explain why you’re so wet.”
Suddenly, it was embarrassing to be drenched. I crossed my arms over my chest. “I guess it might.”
He gave a short laugh. “Well, it was nice to meet you Teagan. Enjoy the bracelet.” He waved, and was gone.
“Wait…” I said, but my voice was far too quiet to be heard. “Don’t be gone yet.”
Next thing I knew, I was searching for him. Just to see him, one more time, would be fine. I stumbled through crowds, afraid to call his name, looking. Maybe, I could talk to him a little more. He had a nice voice.
There he was. I spotted him. And I was a moth again, drawn to a new flame.
Aug 11, 2012 03:37PM
Wow. Uh. Wow. Thanks...
Honestly I did NOT see that win coming.
Aug 11, 2012 05:36PM
Congrats Ash. It seems you are the reigning champion, but I will dethrone you yet. BTW, who gave me my one vote? I thought that Courage deserved more votes than it got; that was the one I voted for.
The Mighty Katara
Aug 11, 2012 05:45PM
Congratulations :) At least this balances out my critical review lol.
Aug 12, 2012 07:57AM
The Mighty Katara wrote: "Congratulations :) At least this balances out my critical review lol."
Haha. I really was surprised because I agree with everything you said, except the few points I argued :P. I'm not sure what to think of this win. But I plan on doing a revision of the story and posting a link here to see what people think.
Aug 12, 2012 08:09AM
Woo! Good job, Ashlyn! Winning 3 contests just proves how good a writer you are :)
Aug 12, 2012 08:16AM
alskdnasvnnafkvfrdkfjgensflgolaf Thank you!!
Aug 12, 2012 08:21AM
Ashlyn wrote: "alskdnasvnnafkvfrdkfjgensflgolaf Thank you!!"
haha, no problem!
(last edited Aug 13, 2012 01:33PM)
Aug 13, 2012 01:33PM
God job Ashlyn (again). You seem to be on a winning streak:)
Aug 13, 2012 06:40PM
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